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I'm a little nervous about this part, but hopefully it turned out all right.

And we'll be revisiting Felicia, Cass and Frankie, Dean and Jenna, and Iris and Paulina in part 10, which I'm still brainstorming.

Amy

"Reclaiming Forever," Part 9

"Lorna, I can explain," Lucas said, realizing belatedly that he should have phrased it better.

"Explain what? How you lied to me? What..." Lorna pushed her hair off her forehead, stood up, and began angrily stalking about Lucas's living room, talking as she stormed around the room. "Do you have ANY idea what a nightmare it was for me? When we found out that we were parents and daughter, I tried to play it off like I didn't need you and Mom, like I didn't care what you thought of me. I pushed Mom away and tried to get her to drop the whole thing, only she wouldn't. I guess even then, she knew me better than I knew myself, because she saw past the tough girl facade, and she saw how much I wanted, how much I needed, my mother.

"But you...God, I remember telling my grandmother how much I wanted you to accept me, but you couldn't. I really believed that you hated me, that you could never forgive me for what I did to Jenna. And Jenna!" Lorna laughed bitterly, fighting the tears in her eyes as she stopped walking, whirled around, and stared at her father. "The night we thought you died, even though I had no idea what I was doing, I really tried to be a big sister to her for the first time. I told her that she was your pride and joy, that you loved her more than anything on this Earth, and that you chose her over your own flesh and blood. As much as it hurt me to admit that, it helped her that night. And for that one moment, I actually felt like I was a part of the family.

"But you, and how you felt about each of us...that was a thing between us for a long time. It wasn't really until she and Dean came home and got married and Lucas was on his way that we buried the hatchet. We just finally made our peace with it, and accepted the fact that as far as Daddy's feelings went, Jenna was the favored, beloved daughter who could do no wrong, and Lorna was the black sheep, the vindictive bitch who tried to wreck Fanny and Luke's happy little family when all I ever wanted was to be a part of it!"

"I never saw you that way, and I never wanted to make you feel that way!" Lucas said desperately. He hurried to Lorna's side, but she pulled back from his grasp. "Lorna, I did it to protect you, don't you see? You were mixed up with Carl Hutchins back then. And Rick Madison was working for Carl. I had no way of knowing if you were a link between them or not."

"So, what, you decided to run a head game on me to punish me, because I wasn't your good little girl like Jenna?" Lorna asked angrily.

"No!" Lucas exclaimed. "It all started with the tape, that damn tape. Rick was into a lot of very sick, very illegal things. That tape of Jenna was his private obsession, and it was also his downfall. I was looking for Jenna's biological father back then. I never found him, but I found a ton of evidence that showed that Rick Madison was part of a drug smuggling ring out of Chicago that was sending cocaine back and forth between the States and Colombia. He was also involved in a prostitution ring in Chicago. He was luring young women your age, and Jenna's age, into prostitution, and they couldn't get out. They were ending up murdered, or beaten so badly by johns or pimps that they had to have surgery that left them unable to have children, or contracting sexually transmitted diseases, or with drug addictions so bad that they were yo-yoing in and out of rehab. I had stumbled onto something bigger than all of us purely by accident, but when I found out what I found out, I couldn't leave it alone. Those girls were somebody else's daughters. If it had been you or Jenna, I would have done whatever it took to get you out, and to get the bastards who did that to you. I could not, in good conscience, stay quiet about it. So I went to the Chicago police, and they in turn went to the Feds because the drugs were going in and out and of the country."

"Why couldn't you be honest with me?" Lorna wanted to know. "Why couldn't you have told me five years ago, 'Hey, I hate what you did to Jenna with that damn tape on Felicia's show, but you're my daughter and I love you anyway'? Huh?" She angrily swiped at the tears that were sliding from the corners of her eyes of their own accord.

"I couldn't take that chance," Lucas said urgently. "Your freedom was at stake. They knew about Rick, only Sally killed him before they could get him. They got all the guys that he was in with, but it took five years to get them all. And back then, they were still investigating Carl. I had no way of knowing at that point if you were involved in any way."

"You really thought I was capable of that?" Lorna asked. She tried to hide the pain she felt at believing her own father could think she was capable of something like that, but Lucas saw the flash of pain in Lorna's eyes, and it felt like a punch to his stomach.

"No, I never believed you were capable of smuggling drugs," Lucas replied firmly. "But I believed that Carl was capable of it, and if Carl was involved, and you knew anything about it, you would have been guilty by association. They would have put you away too, Lorna, and I was not ABOUT to let that happen! Not just for your sake, but for Fanny's, and even for Jenna's." Lorna said nothing, so Lucas ran his fingertips around his mouth and continued. "When Fanny told me that you were our daughter, I was happy that we had finally found you, or really, it was more that you had found us. We had looked for you for so long, and we kept coming up empty, and you'd been right under our noses all that time. But you were mixed up with Carl Hutchins. Not that I ever blamed you for that--"

"Oh, gee, thanks," Lorna muttered sarcastically.

"But I knew that you WERE mixed up with Carl, and I also knew that Rick was working for Carl. I had no way of knowing what, if anything, you knew about Rick's illegal activities, or if Carl was also involved in what Rick was doing, and I didn't have time to find out. I was already in too deep with the Feds and nailing Rick and his cronies by that point. All I could think about was keeping you out of the whole mess, Lorna. And the only way I knew of to do that and make it convincing was to behave as if I wanted nothing to do with you. Because of the tape on Fanny's show, I had a reason that made sense to everyone. But I meant what I told you a few weeks ago, sweetheart: I was angry at you for that tape at first, but I forgave you for it long before I disappeared."

"Did you think I couldn't keep it quiet?" Lorna asked angrily. Concentrating on the anger let her keep the hurt of this newly revealed truth buried a little longer. "If you had taken me into your confidence and been honest with me about how you really felt about me, I wouldn't have said a word to anyone, not even to Mom or Jenna, especially if I'd known what you were really doing and that your life was at stake! Why didn't you trust me?"

"It was never about trusting you," Lucas replied. "It was always about keeping you safe. If I had accepted you publicly, if I had acknowledged you as my daughter to everyone, if I had even acknowledged you in my will, then one of two things would have happened: if Carl was involved with Rick and the drugs and the prostitutes, and you knew anything at all about it, you would have gone to jail too, and I refused to let that happen under any circumstances! The other option would have been to take you with me, and that would have meant taking you away from Fanny, and I just couldn't do that to the two of you again!"

"I was under the impression you didn't have anything to do with it the first time, or was that another lie?" Lorna asked coldly.

Lucas walked over to Lorna, his emotions plainly showing in his face and in his body language as he stood before her, speaking with a voice trembling with emotion. "I saw you the night you were born, Lorna." Lucas held up his arms. "I held you in my arms. I looked into your little face. I talked to you, told you I loved you, gave you the mercury dime on the chain. Fanny never even had that much. She didn't see you or hold you even once. Her family lied to both of us and split us up and stole you out from under us, gave you away, against our wishes. THAT was the only lie about your birth." Lucas grasped Lorna's shoulders then and looked her right in the eyes, eyes that were so like his own, and at this moment, so filled with pain, anger, and a defiance Lucas recognized from years of looking in the mirror. "You and Fanny were always meant to be together, to be mother and daughter, to have the kind of relationship that I know you have now," he said. "I couldn't take that away from her, or from you, when you had just finally found each other. And I couldn't ask you to lie to Fanny about my death. It wouldn't have been fair to you, or to her, and that is the only reason I didn't take you into my confidence. I was trying to spare you more pain."

"Well, guess what? You failed!" Lorna shouted.

"The ONLY thing that got me through these last five years was knowing that you and Fanny and Jenna had each other!" Lucas shouted back.

"I would have gone with you!" Lorna cried. "For that matter, so would Mom! And Jenna!"

"You think I didn't think about that?" Lucas asked. "You think I didn't want that? But I couldn't do that to you. I couldn't rip your lives out from under you. You wouldn't have been happy."

"We would have been together! We would have been the family that you're claiming you always wanted us to be!" Lorna exploded.

Lucas looked at Lorna sadly and released her, but continued to look into her eyes. "If you had gone with me, Lorna, you couldn't have continued in the music business or done anything else with PR. It was too high-profile. And Dean was just getting started in his career, but he had already made it abundantly clear that Jenna was, and would always be, his first priority. He bailed out on his own 4th of July concert to go after Jenna when Hutchins took her, and he paid dearly for that careerwise. If Jenna had gone, Dean would have gone too. They had just gotten engaged, and neither one of them would have gone anywhere without the other. But if they had gone with me, Dean couldn't have continued with his music. He would have had to give it up. He would have, I'm sure, but Jenna would never have wanted that, and I didn't want that for him either. And I couldn't ask Jenna to give up school. She was in college, she wouldn't have been able to graduate, at least not under her own name. Your mother wouldn't have been able to write anymore, certainly not as Felicia Gallant. But even with a pen name, her style is so distinctive, the publishing world would have known it was her in about two seconds, and then we all would have been in danger, and then what?

"This was not something that I took lightly or something that I did without a LOT of thought. The only way I could keep all of you safe was to leave you. And then because Sally Madison went off the deep end and shot me in a jealous rage, I didn't even have the rest of the time I was supposed to have with all of you. I was supposed to have another six weeks. Then I was going to go out of town on a business trip, and Fanny would be notified that I'd been in a car accident where I was burned beyond recognition and identified by dental records, and then I would go into hiding and stay there until it was safe enough for all of us for me to come back. Instead I got yanked away from you and your mother and your sister before it was time, I spent eight months in a cardiac hospital, and I had heart transplant surgery and the physical therapy and rehabilitation that comes after that." He paused and ran a hand through his hair before continuing. "Maybe the original plan wouldn't have been any better. And you and I weren't able to cram a lifetime of missed opportunities into that one hour that we did have. But whether you like it or not, whether you like me right now or not, Lorna, I am your father, and Jenna's father, and Fanny's husband, and it will always be my job to protect the three of you with my very life as long as I am breathing!"

"Well, the way you did it stinks!" Lorna exploded. "And no, in that one hour, I thought that you were making peace with me because you thought you were dying. I didn't know your buddy Dr. Beckett had made arrangements with a cardiac hospital and had given you some wonder drug that would keep you alive but make it look like you were dead." The tears started again and she angrily brushed them away again. "FOR GOD'S SAKE, LUCAS, YOU DIED IN MY ARMS! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT DID TO ME?" Lorna screamed. She sniffled, letting the tears fall like they hadn't fallen from her eyes since that night as she continued, "I was in that hospital bed, holding you, talking to you, trying to will you to stay with me, to fight, TO LIVE, so that I could have a real relationship with my father, and..." Lorna trailed off, then shook her head. "I have to get out of here," she said, backing away from Lucas and then moving forward, heading for the door.

Lucas didn't try to stop her, but when she got to the door, he called, "Lorna!" She stopped, her hand on the doorknob, but didn't turn around. "I did what I did out of love. I needed to know that you and Fanny and Jenna were safe, no matter what happened to me. And I did fight, Lorna. If I hadn't fought, I wouldn't be here now. And I'm not going anywhere. Not ever again."

Lorna didn't acknowledge Lucas's words. She just turned the doorknob, opened the door, and walked out, slamming the door behind her. After she was gone, Lucas sank down on the couch, buried his head in his hands, and wept, for all that his family had gone through without him there, and for the pain that he had caused them all, especially Fanny and Lorna.
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Lorna had stopped crying by the time she arrived at the police station, but she still had a good head of steam worked up as she stormed into the station house and headed toward Joe's office.

"Um, excuse me, you can't go back there, miss!" Lorna whirled around and found herself looking at a baby-faced, brown-haired, beefy uniformed officer wearing a uniform so new she could still smell the starch on it. Just what I need right now, an overzealous rookie, Lorna thought grimly.

"I'm the Captain's wife, and I need to see him immediately," she said briskly. She turned to leave again, but was stopped by the rookie's voice.

"You're Cap'n Carlino's wife?" he said with a friendly smile. "The Cap'n just got back from his honeymoon today. It's nice to meet you, Mrs. C."

Lorna rounded on the rookie again, her patience gone and her nerves shot. "Does this look like a rerun of Happy Days to you?" she demanded.

The rookie blinked, then gulped. "N-no, ma'am," he said.

"Ma'am!" Lorna shouted. "I'm not even 30 years old yet, so don't you 'Ma'am' me, kid!"

"I--I--I was just t-trying to show some respect to my captain's wife," the rookie said, squirming uncomfortably.

The door to Joe's office opened then, and he stuck his head out. "Hey! I thought I told you guys to stop hazing the rookie!" he exclaimed. Then he saw his wife glaring at the aforementioned rookie. "Lorna?" he asked, surprised to see her.

"Will you call off Officer Krupke here?" Lorna asked her husband impatiently, waving a hand at the young officer.

"It's all right, Sullivan," Joe said, addressing the rookie. "Get back to work."

"Right away, Cap'n!" Officer Sullivan exclaimed and rushed back to his desk.

Lorna walked into Joe's office without a word. He followed, closing the door behind him. "What's wrong?" he asked, setting the file folder he'd been holding on his desk and walking over to stand behind his wife, who was staring out his office window unseeing. He settled his hands on her shoulders and kissed the top of her head.

"He lied to me," Lorna said. She couldn't keep the tears at bay any longer and started crying again. "My father lied to me." She turned to look at Joe, her love, her husband, her best friend, her anchor. "He never hated me, Joe. He just pretended he did to keep me safe, he says."

"Because you were mixed up with the pre-Ryan Carl," Joe surmised. He and Lorna knew all about each other's pasts.

"According to him, yes," Lorna said. "But he didn't hold it against me. That's supposed to make everything okay?" Resting her palms flat on her husband's chest, Lorna looked up at Joe, her big brown eyes shining with tears. "I thought he died in my arms, Joe. I thought he only forgave me because he thought he was dying. I didn't care about the money or anything in the will, Jenna made sure I got my fair share of his estate, I just...He loved me all the time, but he let me think he hated me. He lied to me!"

Joe wrapped his arms around Lorna and let her cry herself out, which didn't take long considering all of the tears she'd already shed. When she was finished, he gave her his handkerchief and then reached back to his desk for the file he had put there when Lorna came in. "There's something you need to see, babe," he said, handing her the file. After wiping at her eyes and blowing her nose, Lorna took the file folder from Joe and opened it. Joe flipped through four pages, and then jabbed a finger at the fifth page. "Right there."

Lorna read silently, then looked up at Joe with wide eyes. "Oh my god," she breathed. "The FBI investigated me?"

"Very thoroughly," Joe replied. "And look here..." He turned the page.

Lorna started reading from the top. "And I thought Kevin was an S.O.B. when he tried to convict Frankie of a murder she didn't commit," she said after she read the paragraph. "We were still dating, and he actually filed a motion against me as an accessory to counterfeiting because of Carl? That jerk!"

"Keep reading," Joe said.

Joe knew when Lorna had read the passage he was waiting for her to read by her gasp. "My father had my record expunged," she said, looking up at Joe in surprise.

"They were never able to nail Carl for the counterfeiting, so, as your dad pointed out, it made no sense to nail you as an accessory when they didn't even get the perp," Joe replied.

Lorna read aloud from the file quietly: "'Mr. Castigliano maintains that his daughter Lorna Devon's association with Carl Hutchins was a combination of youthful indiscretion and a lack of strong family ties in her life. Ms. Devon has, since the beginning of this investigation in August 1992, been an upstanding, law-abiding citizen who resides in Bay City, Illinois, and has close relationships with her mother Felicia Gallant, nee Fanny Grady, and her adoptive sister Jenna Norris. Ms. Devon's association with Mr. Hutchins was terminated several months prior to the beginning of this investigation, and no evidence has been found to link Ms. Devon to Richard Madison, the drug smuggling ring, or the prostitution ring either as an individual, or as an accessory to Richard Madison or Carl Hutchins. Therefore, it is the conclusion of the Bureau that Lorna Devon is not now, and never was, involved with Richard Madison, the drug smuggling ring, or the prostitution ring. Mr. Castigliano continues to improve following his heart transplant of November 4, 1993, and continues to provide full cooperation in exchange for his protection as part of the Witness Relocation Program.'"

"Wow," Lorna said after a long moment, looking up at Joe again.

"That was my reaction when I read it," Joe replied.

Lorna sat on the edge of Joe's desk, still holding the file folder. He sat beside her. "He really did do it out of love," she said. Then she looked at Joe in horror. "I screamed at him and walked out on him! I was horrible to him!"

"You reacted," Joe replied. "It was perfectly natural. I mean, look at your mom and Jenna, and even Dean. The only difference is that you were happy first, and then you got angry. They were angry first and they're still angry."

"I have to fix this," Lorna said, rising. "I have to fix this right away." Before Joe could say another word, Lorna quickly kissed him and hurried out of his office.

"I love you too, babe," Joe said, smiling. Then he looked at the file again, which Lorna had left open on his desk. "And I'm looking forward to getting to know you, Lucas."
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Lucas was sitting alone in the dark when his doorbell rang. He had no idea who it could be, since none of his family was speaking to him, and he had told Iris he would call her later in the week, plus she had mentioned something about dinner with Dennis, Sarah, and Kelsey Harrison tonight the last time they'd talked. He figured it was another family member coming to give him hell. Looking and feeling like a whipped puppy, Lucas turned on a lamp and trudged to the door. "Lorna!" he exclaimed in surprise when he saw her standing there, holding a gift bag with two handles and looking nervous.

"Can I come in?" Lorna asked.

"Of course," Lucas said, standing aside. Lorna entered his apartment, and Lucas closed the door, confused as to why she was there.

"This is for you," Lorna blurted, holding the gift bag out to him.

Lucas took the bag, poked through the layers of tissue paper, and removed a cherry-wood picture frame. He looked at Lorna questioningly. "You said you had two copies of Dean and Jenna's wedding picture. I thought maybe you'd like to frame one and put it on the coffee table or something," she replied, rubbing the back of her neck.

"Thank you," Lucas replied. He was still confused, though. "I...wasn't expecting you to come back here so soon," he said.

"I had to, Daddy," Lorna said. "I read your file. The case Joe was checking on? He got your file somehow, and he showed me some of the things in it. You probably shouldn't let that get around though, okay? Anyway..." She trailed off. "I'm really sorry about before. I was a real bitch to you, and here you stuck your neck out for me, even from the Witness Relocation Program." She paused. "The FBI investigated me because you're my father and they thought you might be trying to cover for me, didn't they?"

"Yes," Lucas admitted cautiously. "But I didn't TELL them to investigate you, Lorna, I--"

"No, I know it wasn't you," she assured her father. "It was Kevin Anderson. The jackass. What did I ever see in him? We were dating, and he has me investigated by the FBI without even telling me!"

"He's the one that you said prosecuted Frankie for a murder she didn't commit?" Lucas asked.

"Yeah," Lorna replied.

"'Jackass' is being kind," Lucas said.

Lorna laughed a bit at that. "Yeah, I guess it is," she said. She looked at the floor, then looked up at Lucas again, her expression serious. "Can you forgive me for the way I acted before, and the things I said?"

"I had it coming," Lucas replied. "There's nothing you need to be forgiven for. I'm the one who should be down on my knees after what I did to you and Fanny and Jenna."

"Down on one knee in front of Mom would be good," Lorna said with a little smile.

"I want that too, but I'm not going to push anything," Lucas replied. "I need to get her to talk to me first."

Lorna then rushed to Lucas, much as she had on her wedding day, and hugged him tightly. "I love you, Daddy," she said, her words muffled because her face was buried in Lucas's shoulder.

Lucas, still holding the picture frame in one hand and the empty gift bag in the other, hugged Lorna back. "I love you too, my darling daughter," he replied, closing his eyes and offering a silent prayer of thanks. "And today has been a very emotional day for both of us, with everything each of us has learned from the other."

Lorna broke the embrace and took a step back, then looked at her father. "But it's going to get better from here," she said.

"It's got to get better from here," Lucas replied.

"It will," Lorna said confidently. "We're all going to be a family. You and Mom and me and Joe and Jenna and Dean and little Lucas."

"That's what I want more than anything," Lucas replied, seeing the first bit of light at the end of the tunnel since that brief look in Fanny's eyes the day he came back, when he announced he was back to stay...the look that told him that as angry and hurt as Fanny was right now, she still loved him. Now all he had to do was remind her of that, and work as hard as he could to prove to her that he was worthy of her love, and that he would never hurt her like he had hurt her by leaving her and their daughters, even though it had been for their own safety, ever again.

TO BE CONTINUED
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