Just in time for the Holidays, here is a Christmas tale set in the mid-80's. Enjoy!
Weep No More, My Wally Part 1
Felicia Gallant has just returned home from Christmas shopping. Her arms are laden with gifts. She hesitates as she reaches her door, debating whether or not its possible to enter without dropping the bundles. Suddenly, her door is opened from the inside.
Felicia: (gasps) Whos there?
Cass Winthrop saunters to the doorway, a huge smile on his face.
Cass: Its just meyou gave me a key once, remember?
A relieved Felicia nods.
Cass: Do you want a hand with that stuff?
Felicia: Yes, please.
Cass takes half of Felicias load as they walk into her living room.
Cass: Whats all this, anyway?
Felicia: Im throwing a surprise Christmas party for Wallingford.
Cass: (shakes his head) Hmm. I dont know, Felicia. Wally has a way of finding these things out.
Felicia: (giggles) Not this time! I have a foolproof plan.
She motions for Cass to come closer, then whispers in his ear.
* * *
Meanwhile, Wally is sitting in an easy chair at his own apartment. He looks at the clock.
Wally: (thinking) Its nearly noon. I guess Id better eat a little something before post time.
Wally stands up and stretches. As he heads for the kitchen, a faint scratching noise stops him in his tracks.
Wally: Is somebody there?
Hearing nothing more, Wally shrugs and starts again toward the kitchen. The scratching starts anew, this time louder.
Wally: (thinking) That came from outside the door.
Cautiously, Wally turns around and opens his apartment door.
Wally: Hello?
As he glances around, he hears a faint whine and notices a small, black Scottish Terrier sitting at his feet. Wally kneels down.
Wally: Hi, puppy! Are you lost? Hmmyou dont seem to have any tags.
He pets the dog, who licks his hand affectionately.
Wally: Someone must be missing you. Why dont I bring you inside for the moment? Ill make some phone calls and see what I can find out.
Wally sits down on the sofa and notices the little dog staring up at him.
Wally: (pats his leg) You can sit with me if you want to.
The dog immediately jumps up into his lap. Wally chuckles and picks up the telephone receiver.
Wally: Hello?
Felicia: Hi, Wally! It's Felicia.
Wally: (smiles) Hi, Felicia! How are you, honey?
Felicia: Great! How about yourself? Did you get the early Christmas gift I sent you?
Wally: (confused) What gift?
Felicia: (alarmed) The one I left outside your door. Oh, I hope it didn't run away.
Wally: "Run away?" How does a gift run away? (pause) You mean this puppy belongs to me? Really?
Felicia: Yes...and I hope you like him.
Wally:Like him? He's the sweetest little pup in the world! How did you know?
Felicia: Let's just say I'm a close, personal friend of Santa Claus.
Wally chuckles.
Wally: Santa has good taste in friends!
Felicia: Aw, what a sweet thing to say! (awkward pause) Um, Wally...there's something I need to tell you.
Wally feels his stomach lurch.
Wally: (matter-of-factly) What's wrong, Felicia?
Felicia: I'm going out of town next week...
Wally: (quickly) But Christmas is next week! I thought you were going to spend it with me and Cass!
Felicia: Yes, well, my book tour is starting a little earlier than I thought. But we can get together as soon as I get back.
Wally chokes back tears.
Wally: (bravely) Yeah, of course. (pause) Please hurry back.
Felicia: I will, Wally. I promise. Bye now, and Merry Christmas!
Wally: Bye. Merry Christmas!
Wally hangs up the receiver. The tears he tried so desperately to hold back are now spilling down his face. The little dog whines softly at seeing him so miserable.
Wally: (thinking) But the Three Musketeers have always spent Christmas together.
He hugs his new puppy.
Wally: (cheerfully) I'm thankful that you're here to keep me company, anyway. (pause) I've gotta think up a name for you, little guy.
* * *
Back at Felicia's apartment, Cass is frowning. Felicia has just put down her telephone receiver.
Felicia: (meeting Cass' gaze) What?
Cass: That was cruel, Felicia! You shouldn't have lied to Wally about the book tour!
Felicia: I had to tell him something, Cass...unless you want him to find out about his party...
Cass: (sighs) Of course not! I just think you could've handled it better, that's all.
He turns away from her as she sits at her desk, filling out invitations.
Cass grabs his coat and heads for the door. Felicia, who is still frantically making out invitations to Wallys party, barely notices.
Cass: Ill see you later, Felicia.
Felicia: (absently) Uh-huh. Bye, Cass.
He tries not to slam the door behind him as he leaves.
Cass: (thinking) Felicias heart might be in the right place, but I can't let her get away with lying to Wally! Id better go see if hes OK. I may need to do some damage control.
* * *
An hour later, Wally is puttering around his apartment. Hes being followed closely by the little dog.
Wally: Since you never leave my side, I think Ill call you Shadow. How do you like that name?
Shadow: (happily) Yap! Yap!
Wally: (laughs) Ill take that as a yes!
He begins humming Me and My Shadow and glances at the clock.
Wally: Wow! Ive been so preoccupied, I missed todays races.
A knock at the door startles Shadow, who dives under the sofa.
Wally: (rolls his eyes) Fraidy-dog! (yells) Its open!
Cass lets himself in.
Cass: Hi, Wally! Have you got a minute?
Wally: Sure, Cass. Sit down.
Cass parks himself in a nearby chair. Shadow peeks out from underneath the sofa. Sensing no danger, he approaches Cass and wags his tail politely.
Cass: (smiles) Whos your friend?
Wally: This is Shadow. Hes an early Christmas gift from Felicia.
The smile on Cass face vanishes almost as immediately as it appeared.
Cass: (awkwardly) Uh, Wallyabout Felicia
Wally: (sighs) I know, Cass. Shes got that book tour.
Cass: There is no book tour. Im not supposed to tell you this, but she made that up so she could plan a surprise for you.
Wally: (flabbergasted) You mean she lied to me?
Cass: Dont worry! Christmas is still on.
Wally gets a strange gleam in his eye and starts thumbing through his address book.
Cass: Did you hear what I said, Wally?
Wally: I heard you. (long pause) Cass, how would you feel about giving Felicia a little surprise?
Cass: What kind of surprise?
Wally: Do you remember me telling you about my actor friend from New York?
Cass: The one whos on a soap opera?
Wally: Thats him! (grinning wickedly) What say we have some fun with Felicia?
Cass: Im with you, buddy! Count me in!
Wally walks over to the telephone, Shadow by his side. He picks up the receiver and punches a number into the keypad.
Wally: (into phone) Hi, Brent! Its Wallingford. I know this is short notice, but do you have any plans for Christmas? (pause) Great! How soon can you be in Bay City?
Two days later, a plane lands at the Bay City airport. As an awestruck Brent Collins steps off the plane, he pauses to take in his surroundings.
Brent: (thinking) Wow! No sets or hidden cameras. I'm really in Bay City!
Brent makes his way to the baggage claim area. Just as he takes hold of his suitcase, a familiar voice calls out from behind. He turns to see his good friend Wallingford waving to him.
Wally: Brent! Over here!
Brent: (grins) Hi, Wally!
He strolls toward his look-alike. Wally immediately grabs Brent and hugs him as if he were a long-lost relative.
Wally: It's great to see you again! How was your flight?
Brent: It was just fine, but I'm awfully tired. So, if you'll point me in the direction of the nearest hotel...
Wally: (indignantly) Nothing doing! You're staying with me!
Brent: But...
Wally: No buts about it! You're my guest.
Brent: (rolls his eyes) OK, if you insist.
Wally: (smiles) I'm glad that's settled. (pause) Oh, by the way, do you like dogs?
Brent: Love 'em! What kind do you have?
Wally: A little black Scottie I call Shadow. Felicia gave him to me.
Brent: Early Christmas gift?
Wally: (subdued) Yeah.
Brent can't help noticing a bit of sadness in Wally's face.
Brent: (matter-of-factly) Now, suppose you tell me what I'm really doing here.
Wally: (smiling again) Brent, how would you like to pull off the ultimate prank?
Meanwhile, Cass is nervously pacing in Felicias living room. Felicia stares daggers at him and slams shut the novel shes been reading.
Felicia: (annoyed) Sit down, Cass! Youre making me nervous. Whats the matter with you, anyway?
Cass: Nothing. Sorry, Felicia.
Cass gives her a sideways glance as she turns back and resumes reading. Quick as a wink, he hangs up a sprig of mistletoe. Felicia, still engrossed in her novel, is completely unaware of his antics. He moves a bit farther away and strategically hangs up a few more sprigs. He pauses to admire his handiwork before sitting down.
Cass: (thinking) Mission accomplished, and Felicias none the wiser! Good luck, Wally!
* * *
Later, at Wallys apartment, Brent is getting settled in Wallys bedroom.
Brent: (looks around) Wow! Its an exact replica of the Another World set. (chuckles) Linda and Steve are never gonna believe this!
Wally knocks at the door.
Brent: Come in.
Wally enters the room with two identical tuxedos draped over his arm. Shadow follows him closely, gazing cautiously at Brent. Wally grins at his friend.
Wally: Everything OK?
Brent: Everythings great, Wally! You didnt have to give up your room for me, though. Id have been just as comfortable sleeping on the couch.
Wally: (snorts) Now, dont start that again!
Brent: (laughs) OK, you win!
Wally: Darn right!
He hands one of the tuxedos to Brent.
Wally: Here. Try this on for size.
Brent: Nice threads! (pause) Is this for Felicias party?
Wally: Yep. Its tomorrow night, and strictly black-tie.
Brent quickly changes into the tuxedo, then stops to admire himself in the full-length mirror.
Brent: (astonished) It fits just like it was made for me!
Wally smiles and rubs his hands together knowingly.
Wally: (thinking) Well, Felicia, how many Wallingfords can you handle?
Wally: (cautiously) Now for the all-important question...Brent, do you think you think you could do a convincing imitation of me?
Brent: (snorts) Are you kidding? Of course! Listen to this...Ahem! (as Wally) Merry Christmas, Felicia! Youre looking beautiful, as always.
Wally glances quickly at Shadow.
Wally: Well, Im impressed! What do you think?
Shadow: (agreeing) Yap! Yap!
Brent: I guess its unanimous. (thinking) Oh, please! I can play Wally in my sleep!
Wally: Great! I need to take Shadow for a walk, so Ill let you finish unpacking.
Brent: OK. See you later. Bye, Shadow.
Shadow: Yap! Yap!
Wally grabs Shadows leash before they exit the room.
Brent: (shaking his head) That Wallingford! What a character...and I should know!
* * *
The following evening, Cass goes to pick up Wally and Brent at Wallys apartment. He pauses momentarily, then knocks at the door.
Wally: (yelling from inside) Come on in, Cass!
Cass walks halfway into the room. He stops dead in his tracks when he sees Wally and Brent standing side-by-side in identical tuxes. He stares long and hard at both of them.
Wally & Brent: Merry Christmas, Cass!
Cass: (stammers) M-merry Christmas! (flabbergasted) OK. Whos who? I cant tell you apart!
Wally: Im Wally.
Brent: Im Brent.
Wally & Brent: (in unison) Or is it the other way around?
Cass tosses his head back and laughs heartily.
Cass: This is perfect, guys. I can see it all now: Felicias gonna be so flustered tonight, she wont know which end is up!
Wally: Thats the plan, Cass! (turn to Brent) Are you ready?
Brent: You bet, Wally!
Wally stoops down and an excited Shadow leaps into his arms.
Wally: Come on, Shadow. Youre gonna help us play a little trick on Auntie Felicia. Would you like that?
Shadow: (wagging his tail) Yap! Yap!
Wally: (smiles) Thats my boy!
Cass opens the door and the friends make their way toward his waiting vehicle.
Sorry it's been so long between posts, folks. I'm still struggling with my 'puter.
“Weep No More, My Wally” Part 7
A short while later, Felicia opens the door to her apartment. Cass winks at her as he steps inside and mouths the word “Now!” Felicia quickly waves to her other guests who all yell “Surprise!” as Wally comes in with Shadow in his arms.
Wally: (smiles) Wow! Merry Christmas, everybody!
Guests: (in unison) Merry Christmas, Wallingford!
Wally sneaks a peek across the room as Felicia and Cass exchange pleasantries. He immediately catches sight of Brent, who nods discreetly and moves toward the back of Felicia’s sofa.
Wally: (whispering to Shadow) Brent and I are gonna trade places for a while, Shadow. So, you’ve gotta pretend he’s me and stick close to him. And bark at the first sign of trouble. OK?
Shadow: Yap! Yap!
Wally: Good boy!
Wally peers around cautiously as he and Shadow duck behind the sofa.
Wally: (to Brent) Ready?
Brent: Ready as I’ll ever be. (holds out his hand to Shadow) How ‘bout you, Shadow?
Shadow nods and follows Brent as he marches bravely up to Felicia.
Felicia: (unaware anything is amiss) Did I really surprise you, Wally?
Brent: You sure did, Felicia. (thinking) And have I ever got a surprise for you, Toots!
Quick as a wink, Brent takes Felicia’s hand and begins kissing it.
Felicia: (startled) Wally, what the...
Brent points out the mistletoe which, to Felicia’s chagrin, seems to be hanging up all over the place. Before she can protest, Brent bends her over backward and strokes her hair.
Brent: (flawless French accent) Come away with me, mon cherie! Let me take you to the Casbah!
Felicia: (sputters) Wallingford! Have you completely lost your mind?!
Meanwhile, Cass observes the real Wally smooching all the ladies on the other side of the room like an expert.
Cass: (thinking) M.J. McKinnon’s fainted...and did I just see dear old Wally slip Rachel Cory some tongue?! Wow! I didn’t think he had it in him!
At that moment, a wide-eyed Rachel gulps as she moves away from Wally and staggers toward Mac, who’s obliviously chatting with some of Felicia’s other guests. She nearly knocks Mac over as she stumbles into him.
Mac: (alarmed) Rachel, what is it? You look a little shaky.
Rachel: N-nothing, dear. I’ve just had a bit much to drink.
Mac raises an eyebrow suspiciously, knowing full well that his beloved Rachel hasn’t touched any alcoholic beverages all evening. He shrugs it off and returns to his previous conversation.
Wally notices Cass nearby and motions furiously for him to come over. Cass walks up to him, grinning.
Cass: Way to go, Wally! Maybe your name should be Casanova!
Wally: (snorts) Maybe it should! Say, how’s Brent doing over there?
Cass: (chuckling) Great! Felicia doesn’t know what hit her!
Wally smiles and moves stealthily toward the open coat closet. Once inside, he signals to Brent, who nods. Brent quickly gives Felicia a passionate smooch, causing her to swoon. He giggles like a naughty schoolboy and Shadow follows him to Wally’s hiding place.
Wally: Having fun, Brent?
Brent: You bet...and now Felicia thinks that I’m... that you’re certifiable!
Wally: Ready to switch?
Brent: Sure!
Wally: Great! Come on, Shadow.
Brent stays carefully hidden as Wally and Shadow head over to Felicia, then manages to slip into the kitchen unnoticed. He stops in his tracks, however, as he sees a familiar figure seated at the table sipping brandy.
Brent: (thinking) Uh-oh! It’s Carl Hutchins. I’d better high-tail it out of here! Oh, no! He’s seen me! Think, Brent, think! How would Wally handle this situation?
Carl glances up and Brent is shocked to see tears in his eyes.
Carl: (sniffling) “In sooth, I know not why I am so sad:
It wearies me; you say it wearies you;
But how I caught it, found it, or came by it,
What stuff ‘tis made of, whereof it is born,
I am to learn;
And such a want-wit sadness makes of me
That I have much ado to know myself.”
Brent shifts uncomfortably as he realizes that Carl is quite drunk.
Carl: (hiccups) Shakespeare...The Merchant of Venice...Act One...Scene One...(pompously) Line One.
Brent nods, speechless. Carl takes another swig of brandy and stares at him momentarily, trying to focus. Then his jaw drops in disbelief.
Carl: (quietly) You look so much like him...but you’re not. (pause) You’re not Wallingford!
Brent backs away slowly, trying not to hyperventilate.
At long last, here is a little more of the story for your reading enjoyment.
"Weep No More, My Wally" Part 8
Carl slowly gets up from the kitchen table. He staggers toward Brent and picks him up as though he's a rag doll.
Carl: (slurring) What have you done with Wallingford? (shaking Brent) Answer me!
Before Brent can find his voice, Cass walks into the kitchen.
Cass: (sternly) Put him down, Hutchins!
Carl hesitates.
Cass:Now!
Carl reluctantly sets Brent down. Brent dusts himself off and straightens his lapels.
Brent: (smiles gratefully) Thanks, Cass! You got here just in time.
Cass: Are you OK?
Carl: (hiccups) I'll tell you who he isn't...
Cass: Oh, shut up!
Carl: (insistently) He's an impisser.
Cass: Huh?
Carl: (trying to speak intelligently, despite his drunken stupor) Impasser...imposser...imposter! That's the word!
Cass: (hisses) Shut your mouth!
At that moment, Felicia ambles into the kitchen with Shadow by her side.
Felicia: What's going on in here?
Carl moves closer to Felicia. He emits a huge belch and points to Brent.
Carl: He killed Waterford.
Felicia: (raises an eyebrow) Waterford?
Carl: Wallerford...Wallingford! He killed Wallingford! Now, he's imperson-a-mating him. (hiccups)
Felicia: (sighs) First of all, Carl, that is Wallingford. Second of all, you shouldn't even be here. You weren't invited.
As Carl starts to protest, he suddenly feels an odd sensation. Looking down, he discovers Shadow urinating on his shoes.
Carl: Why, you miserable cur...
He leans toward Shadow, who instinctively growls.
Felicia: (rolling her eyes) Leave Shadow alone!
Carl: (pointing at Shadow) But I... (pointing at Brent) But he...
Felicia: Get out, Carl! And don't come back!
Feeling deeply humiliated, Carl glares at her, then stomps out the front door.
Brent: I...I'm sorry, Felicia. I should've taken Shadow out earlier...
Felicia: (giggles) That's OK, Wally. It couldn't have happened to anyone more deserving than Carl. (smiles at Shadow) Good boy!
Shadow wags his tail. Meanwhile, unseen by Felicia, the real Wally enters the kitchen. Cass discreetly shakes his head at him. Before he can leave the room, Felicia turns around.
Felicia: I'd better get back to my other guests. They're gonna think I'm ignoring them.(gasps) Wally, weren't you just over there?
Just before she turns to face Brent, he manages to sneak into the broom closet.
Wally: (chuckles) I just wanted to catch you before you went back out there. Wanna dance?
Felicia: Dance? Well, I uh....
Wally: (grins knowingly) Or would you rather smooch?
Felicia: (gulps) I'd rather dance.
She and Wally head toward the living room. As soon as the coast is clear, Cass opens the door to the broom closet. Brent steps out and starts dusting himself off again.
Cass: That was close.
Brent: Too close! (bends down to pet Shadow) And you'd think a broom closet would be a little cleaner inside!
Cass: Did Hutchins hurt you?
Brent: No, but he sure is scary when he's drunk. What's he like sober?
Cass: (laughs bitterly) Ten times worse!
Brent groans.
Cass: By the way, how long do you and Wally plan to keep up this charade?
Brent: (shrugs) Ask him. He hasn't told me yet.
Cass: Well, just be careful. I think Felicia's starting to get suspicious.
Brent: Don't worry, Cass. (confidently) What could possibly go wrong?
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