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A little later than I originally planned, but I'm going to finish this, and we're getting close to the end now. Hope you enjoy! Very Happy

Amy

"Reclaiming Forever," Part 15

While Dean made little Lucas his lunch, played with him for a while, and then put him down for his afternoon nap, Jenna sat alone in their living room, lying on the couch, staring up at the ceiling, her hands folded and resting on her stomach. But it wasn't blank white ceiling she saw; it was a hundred thousand memories of her life as Lucas's daughter.

That first night, that Christmas that felt like a million years ago, when Felicia and Lucas had come to the convent to tell her that Gloria had died. She hadn't thought of Gloria as her mother in years. Her birth mother, the woman who gave birth to her, yes, but her mother, her mom? No. That was Felicia. She hadn't even asked if she could call Felicia 'Mom.' She just started doing it one day, because it felt right. Felicia was the one to support and encourage her dreams, get her through Gloria's death and starting a new life in Bay City, the end of high school, the beginning of college, and everything that had come after. It was Felicia who gave her advice on relationships and clothes and guys.

And then there was Lucas. As Jenna thought back on it, she realized that there were so many times that Lucas had been there for her too, had willingly, and usually happily, taken on the role of instant dad, and he'd been a natural. Even at the times that could have been awkward, like when Felicia had gone to Africa because she thought her ex-husband Mitch Blake had sent her a telegram, and Jenna had been dating Matt Cory and really needed some advice. Lucas had been honest with Jenna, and because of that there was no awkwardness. A small smile played on Jenna's lips as she remembered Lucas telling her that he really didn't know much about guys and relationships, that in his day people "went together." But when she was agonizing over what to wear on a date with Matt, Lucas had patiently sat through three complete wardrobe changes, ignored her stereotypical teenage girl "I look awful, don't I? I look like a little girl in this!" plaintive wails, and assured and reassured her that she looked beautiful, even joking to Olivia Matthews when Olivia had stopped by to return a skirt she had borrowed from Jenna that Felicia had at least three wardrobe crises a week and Jenna had inherited that from Felicia.

Before her prom, it was Lucas who, after getting the details about it from Olivia, had gone out and bought her the dress of her dreams, the one that she had refused to buy when Felicia had given her a credit card and her blessing to buy a prom dress because Jenna felt it was too expensive. And he'd had the video camera out that night too. The small smile grew a little wider as she remembered she and Felicia both telling him to turn it off, because Jenna was still in her bathrobe, with a towel wrapped around her freshly washed hair like a turban.

It had only been a few months since Jenna had come to live with Felicia, and Felicia and Lucas had gotten engaged. Jenna still wasn't used to having parents 24/7, to having people who cared about her and loved her and wanted her around. So when she had tried to throw the gift of the dress back in Lucas's face, he had stood his ground and explained that he wanted her to have it not because he was trying to buy her off, but because it was what she really wanted. Jenna also recalled a lecture on her behavior towards Felicia, who was going all out in every effort she made to prove to Jenna that she wanted to be Jenna's mother. Before she left the house for the prom that night, she had mended fences with both Felicia and Lucas. And then at the prom, by herself, having been stood up by Matt, she was about to walk out the door when Dean arrived, tuxed to the max in his own inimitable style--black jacket, pants, and shirt, and colorful patterned vest. They had danced...

"Focus," she murmured aloud to herself. Making a mental note to look for the CD that had that song on it she and Dean had danced to at the prom about love coming when you least expect it, she returned her thoughts to Lucas.

The first Valentine's Day she had spent in Bay City, she was staying with the Corys while Felicia was on a short book tour. Lucas had surprised her by showing up at the Cory Mansion with a box of chocolates for her and wishing her a happy Valentine's Day. It was the first time in Jenna's life she had ever received anything for Valentine's Day from anyone.

She remembered the day she had told Felicia and Lucas that she wanted them to adopt her after they got married...the tears in Lucas's eyes. He may have been a bit rough around the edges as a young man, but deep down he was a man who loved deeply, who only wanted to be husband and father to the kind of family he'd never had himself growing up. In that way, he was like Dean, Jenna thought. Maybe there really was something to the old cliche about girls marrying men who were like their fathers.

Not long after the day she'd told them she wanted them to adopt her had come Felicia and Lucas's wedding, in which she served as maid of honor. Theirs was the first wedding she'd ever been to in her life.

Jenna's thoughts continued to wander over her early life with Felicia and Lucas, and they landed next on the car accident she and Dean had had after Carl Hutchins had the brakes cut on Lucas's car. Jenna had only had her license for three weeks, and she had just been humiliated by Matt, and then had an argument with Dean when she found him at the Old Mill, where she'd gone to think. She and Dean had straightened everything out on the ride home, and then she lost control of the car because there were no brakes. Dean had told the police he was driving because he didn't want to risk Jenna wrecking her adoption. But Jenna couldn't let Dean take the blame, especially after the way Lucas had torn into him. So she 'fessed up. Lucas had been disappointed and hurt that she had lied to him, and he had responded as any truly loving father would: he had grounded her. He had also forbidden her to see Dean, claiming Dean was a bad influence on her.

Those had been difficult times, as Jenna had realized that she was falling in love with Dean, and Dean finally got up the courage to confess to Jenna that he was in love with her. Lucas and Felicia didn't approve. Every time Dean came around, Lucas would yell at him, and try to throw him out of the apartment. But Dean wouldn't leave without making it perfectly clear that he loved Jenna, and he wasn't going to stay away from her.

It had been Lucas who had first discovered Jenna's talent for dancing. She closed her eyes, and she could see the look of pride mixed with wonder on his face when he had walked into D&M and found her dancing alone to "Ladykiller." He had bragged on her to Jake McKinnon, who was directing the video to "Ladykiller," and to Matt. When she had been terrified the day of the video shoot and locked herself in her bedroom, Lucas patiently mediated as Jenna and Felicia argued back and forth about whether or not Jenna was even going to go to the shoot. And when she did go, Lucas was there with Felicia...until Felicia decided that their presence was making Jenna too nervous, and they left.

Other memories surfaced in rapid fashion: the dinner out she and Lucas had had, just the two of them; their first Christmas as a real family, when she had surprised him and Felicia with stockings she made herself and filled with gifts that had significant personal meaning, including a picture of herself and Lucas from their dinner out in Lucas's stocking; the way Lucas had stood by her after that horrifying doctored porno tape of her got played on Felicia's show; she and Dean double-dating with Lucas and Felicia to the Valentine's Ball; the four of them celebrating with Cass and Frankie when they returned from their first trip to Venice, Italy, finally engaged to be married again after all the turmoil they'd suffered through; Lucas finally accepting Dean as the man Jenna loved.

The horrible night at the hospital when they had thought Lucas was dying. Jenna had tearfully called him "Daddy" and told him that she and Dean were going to get married and she wanted him to walk her down the aisle. Lucas had asked her to take care of them for him. She hadn't understood what he meant until a short time later, when Felicia had broken the news to her that Lorna was Felicia and Lucas's biological daughter. "Take care of them..." Lucas had trusted her to take care of Felicia and Lorna.

As with Felicia before him, there was never any discussion about when or whether Jenna would call Lucas "Daddy" or "Dad." She just did it. And it just felt right. Even after he had died...correction, disappeared...she still thought of him as her father. When Sally Madison was caught and arrested, Jenna had blurted out to her mother that Sally had killed Daddy.

Lucas had been there for her at every turn, when she needed him...and when she tried to convince him, and herself, that she didn't need him at all.

When she was pregnant the second time, after making it through the first trimester and realizing that she and Dean were going to have a healthy baby this time, she knew in her heart that if the baby was a boy, she wanted to name him after Lucas. It was the only boy's name she ever seriously considered. She recalled nervously asking Lorna, when they were sitting around TOPS finishing off the punch from Jenna's baby shower after everyone else had left and Felicia was on the phone, if Lorna would mind if she and Dean named the baby Lucas if he was a boy. Lorna had given her blessing. And the day that Lucas Winthrop Frame finally made his long-awaited entrance into the world, while Cass and Frankie were marveling at the fact that Dean had chosen 'Winthrop' for their son's middle name, Lorna and Felicia were both teary-eyed upon hearing that this baby boy would be known as Lucas.

And she and Dean had named their son "Lucas" because Jenna had loved the only father she'd ever known so much that she wanted to honor him by naming her and Dean's son for him. Getting Lorna's blessing had only solidified a decision that had been purely instinctual.

Jenna thought back to her convent days, before Lucas and Felicia had adopted her...the years of intensive study of the Holy Bible... specifically, the passage in 1 Corinthians that said "Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends." Lorna had read that passage at Jenna and Dean's wedding. It was most often associated with romantic love.

But it didn't specifically say that it only referred to romantic love.

It could also refer to the love between a father and a daughter.

And it was in that moment that Jenna finally admitted to herself that she still loved her father, had always loved her father. Beneath the confusion, the hurt and the betrayal she felt at being lied to, wondering WHY Lucas had lied, had left her and Felicia and Lorna the way he did, she still loved her dad.

Then she remembered another part of that verse: "Love does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth."

Jenna had learned a long time ago that you can be angry at someone, or feel hurt by someone, but still love them.

As she sat up on the couch, she realized that the time had come for the truth. The truth that Jenna still loved her father, had missed him terribly all these years, and wanted him to be a part of her life, and Dean's life, and little Lucas's life...and the truth, whatever it was, about why Lucas had left, why he had let them think that he was dead.

"The little man's asleep," Dean said softly. "Has been for almost an hour, so he should be waking up soon. But until he does, is it okay if I join you?"

Jenna turned to look and found Dean standing next to the overstuffed chair nearest the couch. She nodded and held out her hand to him. He took her hand and sat down beside her on the couch, still holding her hand.

"You looked like you were doing some heavy-duty thinking, so I wanted to give you your space," Dean said.

"I have been thinking," Jenna replied. "Remembering, mostly. How it was when Lucas and Felicia and I were a family."

"I have something important I need to say to you now," Dean said, and Jenna wondered at the serious look on his face.

"What is it?" she asked, now holding Dean's hand in both of hers.

Dean took a deep breath, let it out, and then looked at his wife as he said, "Jen, I'm sorry."

"For what?" Jenna asked, slightly puzzled.

"When Lucas came back, I automatically compared it to what Kathleen did years ago," Dean continued.

"I was there for that," Jenna reminded her husband. "I know how hard that was for you...how hurt you were when Cass and Frankie broke up for that span of time."

"I never liked her, you know. I can admit that," Dean continued. "I thought she was selfish. She basically ditched Cass to further her career. Leapfrogging all over Europe to meet Signet, and Cass never had a clue! And then she let him think she was dead for four years, but then she came back and played dirty because she decided she wanted Cass and the life she gave up back, and she didn't care at all that Cass had found somebody who WASN'T selfish, and somebody who WASN'T going to up and leave him like she did....." He trailed off.

"And somebody who had come to look at Cass and Frankie as parental figures. Or at least as the older sister and brother-in-law you never had," Jenna finished for him, squeezing his hand.

"They were my family, Jenna. They ARE my family. I mean, yeah, so are Sharlene and John, and Jamie and Marley, and all of their kids. But you're right. Cass and Frankie...they're the closest thing to parents that I had. Although it's nicer, I guess, to say the older sister and brother-in-law that I never had. Doesn't make them sound as old. And it did hurt. A lot. It took me a while to forgive Cass, but I did." Dean paused for a moment before continuing. "In all seriousness, though, I've been wrong, Jenna. At least, I've been partly wrong. Kathleen left Cass and let him think she was dead for selfish reasons. I didn't know Lucas as well as you and Felicia did before he disappeared, but I knew him well enough to know that he wouldn't have walked out on you and Felicia without a damn good reason." Dean raked his hand through his hair. "What I'm trying to say is that Lucas left and went into the Witness Protection Program like Kathleen did, but he's not like Kathleen because he didn't do it for selfish reasons. I don't know what his reasons are, but I know that he didn't do it for selfish reasons. It had to be something major to take him away from you and Felicia, and even Lorna."

"I agree," Jenna replied. "That's what I've been thinking about. Actually, I've been remembering, like I said. Lucas stepped up to be a dad to me pretty much from day one, that first night at the convent. He wasn't as obvious about it at first, but once Felicia decided to adopt me, he got on board with it right away. He wanted to be my father as much as he wanted to be her husband. And at first, when I was so unsure about everything, I thought that they were looking to me to replace the daughter they lost...before we knew about Lorna, I mean. Even when I didn't know how I felt about the whole thing, and even when I wasn't sure how to behave because I'd never had a family before, he and Felicia didn't give up on me. And we did become a real family, partly thanks to you." She smiled.

"All I've ever wanted is for you to be happy," Dean replied seriously. "And I knew that you and Felicia and Lucas wanted to be a family. I just wanted to help if I could by talking to the social worker, so I did."

"Yes, you did," Jenna said. She leaned closer and touched a finger to Dean's lips. "He's my father, Dean. And I'm ready to forgive him, and to listen to his side of the story."

"I am too," Dean replied, his words slightly muffled by Jenna's finger.

"Are you sure?" she asked, dropping her hand to his shoulder. "You have to be able to forgive him for yourself, Dean, not just for me and little Lucas."

"Honey, I told you, I was wrong about him. He's not like Kathleen. Cass and Frankie have put that whole thing far behind them, and if they can do it, I can do it. Besides, I admire Lucas, because he did the one thing my old man never did," Dean said.

"What's that?" Jenna asked.

Dean looked intently into her eyes. "He came back," Dean replied.

"Yeah, he did," Jenna said, and for the first time since she had seen her father at Lorna and Joe's wedding, Jenna smiled, a real smile.

Little Lucas came running into the room then, and he had overheard the last part of his parents' conversation. "Who came back?" he asked.

"Gampa Luke," Jenna replied, ruffling Lucas's hair as he jumped into her lap. "Did you have a good nap, sweetie?"

"Uh huh," little Lucas replied.

"Good," Jenna replied. "Then I think we shouldn't wait another minute. I think that all three of us should go right now and see Gampa Luke."

"Really?" little Lucas shrieked happily.

"Really," Jenna said. She stood up, perching her son on her hip. Dean rose as well.

"But we don't know where he is right now, do we?" Dean asked.

"Details," Jenna said. "Lorna said something about Daddy moving into his old apartment, where he lived before he and Mom got married. We'll go there first. If he's not there, we'll go to TOPS and see if Franco has seen him. If he's not at TOPS, we'll go to Cory Publishing. He's working with Iris again. He's somewhere, Dean. He's somewhere right here in Bay City, and we're going to go to him right now, wherever he is, and find him, and set everything right."

"YAY!!!!!" little Lucas cheered.

"Then let's go," Dean said. He tousled little Lucas's hair, leaned down to give Jenna a quick kiss, and the trio then headed out their front door in search of their father, father-in-law, and grandfather.
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Meanwhile, Felicia and Lucas were still locked in the storeroom at the Paradise, now seated on the floor, leaning against a couple of large, unopened crates of food, Felicia's ankle propped up on Luke's balled-up sports jacket. They looked at each other for a long, silent moment. Hope and anguish mingled in Luke's eyes, while Felicia fought to stay calm. Felicia then broke the silence to ask, "What happened, Luke? Why did you leave me and the girls? Why did you let us think you were dead? Why didn't you take us with you?" She was proud of herself for managing to get that all out with her ankle in throbbing pain and without screaming it at Luke.

Luke took a deep breath, then slowly exhaled, never taking his eyes off Felicia the entire time. "I was looking for Jenna's biological father," he began.

Felicia's face clouded as she remembered all of the arguments they had about the late hours Luke kept back then, about the places he was going, the things he was doing, and the people with whom he was associating. "I remember," she said, although she wished she could forget. She had always hated fighting with Luke, and those were some of the most painful fights they'd ever had.

"I never found him," Luke continued, watching her intently to see how she would react to the whole truth now that he was finally getting his chance to tell it to her, "but I found a ton of evidence that showed that Rick Madison was part of a drug smuggling ring out of Chicago that was sending cocaine to and from South America. I also discovered that Rick was involved in a prostitution ring in Chicago. He was luring young women Jenna's age and Lorna's age into prostitution, and they were ending up murdered, or beaten so badly that they had to have surgery that left them unable to have children, or contracting sexually transmitted diseases, or with drug addictions so bad that they were yo-yoing in and out of rehab. I had stumbled onto it by accident, but when I found out what I found out, I couldn't leave it alone. Those girls were somebody else's daughters, Fanny. If that had been our daughters, I would have done whatever it took to get them out, and to get the bastards who did that to them. I couldn't stay quiet about it, not in good conscience. So I went to the Chicago police, and they in turn went to the Feds because the drugs were going in and out and of the country." He looked at Felicia, pleading with his eyes for her to understand.

Felicia said the first thing that came to mind. "Like that time at the gala that you shot Griffen Sanders because he was trying to kill Michael Hudson," she replied. "When I confronted you about it the next day, you told me that you were supposed to kill Michael because the people Griffen was involved with told you they had our daughter. But in the end, you couldn't go through with it."

"Because I knew that Griffen was a murdering scum who had already tried to kill Frankie more than once, and that Michael was a basically decent, honorable man who had a family. And I'd gotten to know Vicky a little bit. Forget the police--she would have had my head on a pole if I'd done anything to her father." Luke sighed. "Once a hood, always a hood, I guess. I just cooperated better with the police the older and the more established I got." He turned his head away from Felicia then and stared straight ahead.

"You were never a hood in my eyes, Luke," Felicia said firmly, earnestly. "Never." She paused, then said, "So because of all of this evidence that you found, or helped find, about the drugs and the prostitution ring that Rick Madison was involved in, the FBI offered you protection."

"Yes," Luke replied. Then he looked at her again. "Lorna asked me why I didn't take you with me. You, and her, and Jenna. I thought about it, Fanny. And I wanted to. You have no idea how much I wanted to. But I couldn't do that to any of you."

Felicia's ankle was still throbbing enough that she figured she didn't need to launch into another tirade against Luke and strain her vocal cords and make her head throb from the veins popping out as she screamed. "Why not?" she asked, trying to keep the bitterness out of her voice.

Luke gave her a sad smile. "If you had gone with me, Fanny, you would have had to give up everything: your writing, TOPS, your talk show...and you never would have been able to see or speak to Cass again. Jenna was in her freshman year of college, and she and Dean had just gotten engaged. Anywhere she went, he would obviously go too, but he would never have been able to resurrect his music career while in hiding. And we had just found Lorna, our PR whiz of a daughter. Guess she got something good from me after all. She wouldn't have been able to keep her career going either. And I couldn't just take you and leave our daughters behind, any more than I could take Jenna and Dean and leave you and Lorna, or take Lorna and leave you and Jenna and Dean. You and Lorna were always meant to be mother and daughter, Fanny. I wasn't going to be the one to take that away from you. I was never much of a praying man, but I prayed every day that you and Lorna and Jenna became a real family, that you were there for each other, that you were able to truly be mother and daughters, the way it was always supposed to be."

"Except it wasn't the way it was always supposed to be, Luke, because YOU were supposed to be there! You were supposed to be there as my husband, and Lorna's father, and Jenna's father!" Felicia exclaimed.

"So you wanted me to forget the whole thing? Forget about the drugs and the prostitution ring and nailing Rick Madison and his cronies?" Luke asked.

"Of course not!" Felicia replied. "But you could have told me, Luke! You could have told me and the girls what was going on!"

"I had to keep you safe," Luke replied. "That was the only way I could do it, Fanny! And even then, things didn't happen the way they were supposed to."

"What do you mean, 'things didn't happen the way they were supposed to'?" Felicia asked.

"I wasn't supposed to get shot!" Luke exclaimed. "And certainly not by Sally Madison. She was a wild card, the one thing that the Feds didn't factor in. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time."

Felicia's face went slack with shock. "Oh my god," she breathed. "That's right. Sally wasn't in on it. She wouldn't have been in on it. Unless she was in on it with Rick? Did she know?" Felicia sat up, ignoring the pain in her ankle and grabbed Luke's shoulders, shaking him. "Did she know, Luke? Was she involved too?"

"She knew, but she wasn't involved," Luke said. He clamped his hands down on Felicia's, stilling her. "I never slept with her, Fanny. Not while we were married."

"I know," Felicia replied. Now tears came to her eyes. "Oh, Luke, that last day...that fight we had at TOPS, before you left and you were--" She cut herself off, unable to finish the sentence. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry that I accused you of that! I didn't really mean it! I knew deep down that you wouldn't cheat on me, I just, you were gone so much, and you always seemed to be with Sally, and I didn't know! I'm so, so sorry, Luke!" Her voice broke on a sob.

Luke pulled Fanny into his arms and held her tightly. "I know," he said. "Ssshhh, Fanny, it's all right. I knew you didn't really mean it. You were angry and confused and hurt, and all of that was my fault. And not just because of Sally. And we didn't have enough time in the hospital. I didn't have enough time with any of my girls, but least of all with you."

Felicia drew back. Luke, seeing a tear falling from the corner of her eye, hurriedly moved to her feet, rummaged in the breast pocket of his jacket and pulled out his hanky, and then returned to Felicia's head and gently wiped the tear away. "What happened, Luke?" she asked, her voice still shaking. "You flatlined. When Jenna and I came in..." She choked on another sob.

"Remember Dr. Beckett?" Luke asked.

"Yes," Felicia replied.

"He was on the FBI's payroll," Luke replied.

Then Felicia remembered something. "He said that you were in a light coma!" she exclaimed. "And that they didn't know if you would come out of it." Then she remembered something else. "Jamie Frame...He and Kelsey Harrison did your surgery. He said that there was a lot of damage to your heart. They didn't think you'd survive." She put a hand to her head as if to stem the tidal wave of thoughts welling up inside her. "Luke, what happened?"

"None of them were wrong," Luke began. "And Dr. Beckett was only partly lying. Sally shot me, and there was a lot of damage to my heart. For a while there, I thought I was really going to die. But then Dr. Beckett came into my room when none of the rest of you were there."

"I was in the chapel with Jenna, telling her that Lorna was our daughter," Felicia replied. "Lorna had left the hospital, and I guess she hadn't come back yet."

"Beckett told me that the FBI thought I could be saved," Luke continued. "But they would have to make it look like I had died. He injected something into my IV that would make it look like I had flatlined, and told me it would take effect in one hour. It did put me in an induced coma, and slowed my heartbeat down enough that I appeared to be dead and so I flatlined. But I wasn't really dead, obviously, just comatose."

Felicia wiped at her eyes with Luke's hanky. "So when they took you to the morgue, they didn't really take you there, did they? They sneaked you out of the hospital," she said.

"Yes, and transported me to a cardiac hospital in St. Louis under an assumed name," Luke replied. "I heard later that they dummied up an autopsy report on me."

"How long were you in the hospital?" Felicia asked.

"Almost a year," Luke replied. "Jamie wasn't exaggerating at all about my condition. I was very weak for about the first 7 months, and then I really started fighting. You can take the boy out of Gold Street, but you can't take Gold Street out of the boy," he said with a wry smile.

Felicia looked afraid. "But your heart..." she said worriedly. "If it was damaged that badly..."

"I had a heart transplant four years ago, Fanny," Luke replied. "One of the agents on my protective detail took a bullet that was meant for me. He was shot in the head. He died instantly. One of Rick's cronies got a little too close, but they got him after he killed Dexter. Freddy Dexter. He was a nice kid. Third-generation law enforcement. He was an organ donor, and we were compatible, so I got his heart. I can say without exaggeration that I have the heart of a 30-year-old man. Of course, that meant another hospital stay, this time in Georgia. A lot of rehab. But I'm all right."

"A heart transplant," Felicia echoed, having gone pale. "Are you sure you're all right?"

"I'm fine, Fanny, really," Luke replied.

Felicia shook her head as if to clear it. "I can't believe this," she said.

Luke's insides turned to ice. "You don't believe me?" he asked, bowing his head. "I guess I can't blame you for that. I certainly haven't given you any reason to."

"No, that's not what I mean," Felicia replied. "I *do* believe you, Luke." At this, Luke lifted his head. "I just...it's...I don't know the word, really, to describe how I feel about you getting all caught up in this...about losing you, and then having you come back all these years later."

"Can you forgive me, Fanny?" he asked urgently.

"I need to ask the same of you," Felicia replied, and now she was the one who bowed her head.

"What? Why?" Luke asked. "This one's all on me, Fanny. I screwed up. But as wrong as I was, I really was doing what I did for the right reasons, because all that mattered to me was protecting you and Jenna and Lorna, keeping you all safe, even though it meant I had to leave you. Not a day, not a moment went by that I didn't think of all of you. What do you think got me through all those months in the hospital, and then recovering from the transplant surgery a little over a year after that? Why do you think I fought so hard? I knew that I had to get back to you and our daughters, Fanny, somehow, someday. You and Lorna and Jenna kept me going."

Felicia's head was still bowed. "There are things you don't know, Luke," she said, her eyes burning with tears again, her cheeks flaming with embarrassment and shame. "Things that happened while you were...gone. And I just don't know if you'll be able to ever forgive me for them. Sometimes I think I haven't entirely forgiven myself."

Not letting on at all yet that Lorna had already filled him in on everything, and praying that he wasn't about to make another mistake, he gently tilted Felicia's chin up and made her look him in the eye. "You can tell me anything, Fanny," he said softly. "It won't change how much I love you, I swear it."

"This might," she said, "because when I thought you were dead, Luke, a part of me, the biggest part of me, wanted to die too, and I almost did." Felicia paused for only the space of one heartbeat before blurting out the painful truth. "I'm a drunk, Luke. The girl you loved, the strong woman that you so admired, she's just a broken-down former lush."

TO BE CONTINUED
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