marginallymanic
Cabinet Minister
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| Posted: Sat Jul 12, 2008 7:14 am Post subject: For Allah's sake, th |
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THE WRY SIDE: Jonathan Porter | July 07, 2008
I'M all in favour of our Muslim friends, or anyone for that matter, being allowed to have multiple wives, with one proviso: what's sauce for the goose should be sauce for the gander.
Stay with me on this one. If men in a community are allowed to take, say, six or seven wives, each one presumably younger, more fecund and beautiful than the last (wait a minute, you, you and you: swap places with her), then that will presumably lead to an excess of unmarried blokes.
This surplus of fellows could be soaked up by women of unusual, er, appetites being permitted to marry more than one bloke, each one younger and more studly than the last (darling, have you seen my Viagra?).
I live in NSW and the state's Crimes Act 1990 (fantastic reading: I had no idea so many fun things are against the law) is quite specific about bigamy (yes, I know, and it's big o' me too, Groucho).
Anyone wanting to have more than one missus (God save us), and presumably more than one set of child support payments, first would have to knock sections 92 and 93 out of the crimes act.
Section 92 says you can't get married if you already are, (and no, I still don't care what colour the god-damned doilies are going to be), while 93 says your spouse is also a bigamist if she or he knew you were already married when you tied the knot. Bigamists really get it coming and going, don't they?
Marriage isn't defined in the act, so presumably you could still go for a row of dunnies as a bigamist just by running two sheilas, or multiple blokes, in a common law, living-in-sin (you can say that again) type of arrangement.
Leaving all that aside, we all know that one characteristic of missuses around the world have is that they have built-in lying-on-the-lounge detectors. You only have to make full spinal contact with the lounge and her sensors are tripped.
"What do you think you're doing," the missus screams. "You still haven't done X." Where X is paint the bathroom, solve the Middle East crisis, teach the kids to speak Swahili, buy her a diamond bracelet, move the house an inch to the left or rotate the tyres on the Mars probe.
Now, I've been studying the Koran and apparently there is no bar to women having multiple hubbies, so you go for it, girls.
It would also ease the pressure on blokes in the seeing-to department. When one husband is fixing up the missus, the rest could pop down to the boozer together and have a good time.
Because it also says in the Koran that there's no reason Muslims can't drink. The Prophet says that drinking alcohol has good sides and bad sides and on balance the bad probably outweighs the good. So his thinking in AD632 is pretty much in line with the National Health and Medical Research Council's stand on booze in 2008.
My advice is: go out and get drunk, then you will spend less time worrying about how many wives you need, and less time moaning because Australia will only let you have the regulation one.
Take a sip of beer and let out that "Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Then take another sip, and another, and another. Then crack open a bottle of red, and order a steak, and oh, hell we may as well get two more bottles of the shiraz, thanks darling.
Then pop down the road and have a few double Bailey's on ice and a coupla whiskies and some cigars on the way home.
Then when you arrive back at the wife cage, collapse on the lounge in a pathetic drunken stupor, giggling yourself to sleep, making sure you leave every light in the house burning and the TV switched on. If the missus turns off the box while you're snoring, roar: "Hey, I was watching that!"
Repeat daily. You will be grateful just to have the one wife. And you will be even happier to get her out of the way to give you some peace and quiet in which to sleep it off.
http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/story/0,25197,23978402-23375,00.html
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