[forHim]

I'm new to this website, so i don't know if this is the right place for this post.  I have recently been diagnosed with depression.  It's something new and scary for me, and I am now on medication.

It's been an up and down struggle, and at times during the day (like now), I can get pretty down.  I have been posting a few times on another Christian forum website, but too many people reply without much true Christian experiences or advice.  I am seeing a great Christian counselor and have some wonderful support, but while at work during the day, I don't readily have that support available.  sometimes I can get pretty down, and it helps to just write a few things out with the hope that there is someone on the other end who can relate.  Is there any other Christian out there who can relate, and would like to maybe share some experiences a bit, perhaps help each other out?    I know there are many of you out there that are truly wonderful Christians and would help at the drop of a hat, so no offense, but it just really helps to have someone else who has gone through depression who has that experience.  Anybody out there like that?  

Thanks.

[texastig]

forHim, if you don't mind, I'd like to take a stab at this. Don't give up in your struggles. We all go up and down.
One time when I was in the Army in Germany, I was so depressed about my sin that I wanted to kill myself. I was going to cut myself but then I started thinking, "That would hurt to much". So I cried myself to sleep.
But I did learn a lesson. The voices in my head were not mine. They were the devils voices. I just didn't recognize them. The devil can speak to us in our own voice making us think it's us thinking that.

Thanks,
TT

[Sister]

I sent you a PM on struggles.  

Just know that through Christ Jesus, though the battle of depression is a common and difficult one, that through Him and by His grace the battle can be eased by resting in Him.  No matter how hard it is to get out of bed in the morning and to do daily activities.  You are not alone.

[Floatingaxe]

Hi, ForHim!

I have known Jesus for 45 years, but have not been immune to depression. Around 1995, I remember actually speaking to it, telling it, "OK, roll over me, and then it will be over." I was expecting it to come on and leave like any other disease. WRONG! What was I thinking? Depression, for me, was a spirit, and it came on in one big swell, sending me to my bed for 4 years--where I just bailed out of life!

Then we moved. I found a new church filled with prayer warriors! I was one of only a few prayer warriors at my other church...not many of them gave me any help. But these women--whoa! Three women came to my house, laid hands on me and after 3 hours of my repenting and renouncing, forgiving and being forgiven, they left. A couple days later, I felt different. I was recognizing the devil's voice whispering lies to me the way he did before and I had believed it was ME! So, I told him to leave me alone--I listen to Jesus and His Word only! I got better and better. I threw my pills away after about a week of improvement.

Now I am serving God as a cell leader in my church--a lay pastoral role. There has been fallout from those days--my youngest daughter has recently estranged herself from us, and it may have its roots in those years where I holed up in my room. Not sure, but even so, this trial is not something that will send me to my bed! Praise Jesus!

One of the important things I learned in that prayer session was that I had been holding something in my life against God. Some people don't realize that they are really mad at God, and that can be the source of a depression as well. Forgiving Him for something that we blame Him for is a very releasing thing in one's life!

I will pray for you, that God will keep His hand on you through your struggle, and that He will bring you to freedom in Jesus! We were created to be totally free people of God!

[everlastinglife]

Hi, ForHim!

I have known Jesus for 45 years, but have not been immune to depression. Around 1995, I remember actually speaking to it, telling it, "OK, roll over me, and then it will be over." I was expecting it to come on and leave like any other disease. WRONG! What was I thinking? Depression, for me, was a spirit, and it came on in one big swell, sending me to my bed for 4 years--where I just bailed out of life!

Then we moved. I found a new church filled with prayer warriors! I was one of only a few prayer warriors at my other church...not many of them gave me any help. But these women--whoa! Three women came to my house, laid hands on me and after 3 hours of my repenting and renouncing, forgiving and being forgiven, they left. A couple days later, I felt different. I was recognizing the devil's voice whispering lies to me the way he did before and I had believed it was ME! So, I told him to leave me alone--I listen to Jesus and His Word only! I got better and better. I threw my pills away after about a week of improvement.

Now I am serving God as a cell leader in my church--a lay pastoral role. There has been fallout from those days--my youngest daughter has recently estranged herself from us, and it may have its roots in those years where I holed up in my room. Not sure, but even so, this trial is not something that will send me to my bed! Praise Jesus!

One of the important things I learned in that prayer session was that I had been holding something in my life against God. Some people don't realize that they are really mad at God, and that can be the source of a depression as well. Forgiving Him for something that we blame Him for is a very releasing thing in one's life!

I will pray for you, that God will keep His hand on you through your struggle, and that He will bring you to freedom in Jesus! We were created to be totally free people of God!

Thanks for sharing your heart, that testimony is awesome. We are free!!!!!!!!

[Sister]

Floatingaxe.....Wonderful testimony! ForHim, I know how you feel so often, and there is hope...always hope! We so love you here!

[forHim]

Thanks all for your responses. It really helps to know someone is listening and/or can relate. I haven't written in awhile. I used to come here and to another site to just vent a bit, but after awhile I just got to confused as to the motives behind other people's advice and responses. I mean no offense towards anyone, I'm just in a very delicate condition right now mentally, and I feel I could be easily mislead right now. So i'm trying to just stick to the bible, prayer, and my counselor and loved ones. But any support and prayer are always welcome.

Speaking of which, some prayers would be helpful. I am currently engaged. The depression came shortly after the proposal, so it has been very difficult these last few months. This is supposed to be a very joyful time, but I feel so bad that I'm depressed. I see how it affects my fiance, and it just kills me. She is now doing an externship for her schooling in another state about 10 hours away. I am going to see her this weekend, and I want so much to just feel normal again, if anything just to give her a sense that everything is going to be okay. She worries about me a lot. (Also, if any of you are considering that I am in the wrong by having depression while i'm engaged, please just don't even reply. I have had people before who know nothing about me just bash me for being depressed while newly engaged. Saying things like i should be ashamed of myself. it hurt and i'm pretty apprehensive about sharing too much with people i don't even know.)

I don't know what the Lord has in store for me, but right now I'm just very confused and I know He will get me through. I don't have any conviction to do anything right now except for pray and wait upon the Lord with patience, which is very difficult for me - patience, that is. I think that some of the depression roots itself in that my parents weren't that happy together for the last few years of their marriage, which culminated in a divorce about 6 years ago. It affected me deeply, but i never really grieved too much. I think i'm now looking at my own relationship and am scared to death that it won't work out. I'm scared to be in an unhappy relationship, i'm scared of divorce, i'm scared. And there is nothing shows that i will be unhappy except my own out-of-control imagination. I'm scared of just the thought of being in an unhappy relationship. I'm a very analytical person, so i tend to obsess and look into things way too deeply, and disect the small things. I love my fiance very much, but it doesn't matter who i'm with, i'm pretty scared of the long term relationship. Any comfort or support is welcom. I'm having a very difficult time with this.

Again, any prayers would be appreciated. If anything, just to have a break from this depression for a few days. I can't wait to see my fiance (it's been 7 weeks), and I hope that just being with her again will spark a little joy back in me.

"12Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you: 13But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ's sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy." 1 Peter 4:12-13

In Christ...

[Sister]

Hello my friend!

I was wondering where you have been! I am glad to see that you are reading your bible alot, to help you through this. Sometimes, when I am very down, and I HAVE to go out and socialize, even though it is the very last thing I want to do, I ask God to fill me with His Holy Spirit, so I can make it through. And it ALWAYS works. And believe me, just getting out the door and even out of the car, I am dreading the socializing bit....and yet, every single time...suddenly, I get this new energy....and everything I was thinking and feeling was GONE!

I am learning a lot about how God deals with us on our emotions and feelings....we take them far too seriously....and the snake, loves it.
It is hard NOT to feel or be emotional. We look around, feel mercy for others, we cry when we see pain, or feel pain...we hide out when life hits us hard....etc. etc. God showed me this year, and believe me, is STILL working on me with this one....that yes, feeling is nice, but to stop getting so emotional....but instead focus solely on what Christ taught us about love. Not our version of love. Loving ourselves, others.....it is another level....one that I can not teach...one must ask to be taught by only the Father...through Christ....and with guidance from the Holy Spirit. For often our own interpretations of His teachings don't really flow with what He was REALLY teaching us. We tend to twist it for our OWN understanding, versus the truth in it....another hard lesson to learn without help from His Holy Spirit.....once the words become alive, and really alive.....it hits ya like....How to put it...a fire inside....a warm, burning fire....and suddenly you have new eyes to see.

It is obvious your heart is large, and loving! That is often what makes it so difficult for those of us who suffer depression back and forth. It is like this enormous tug of war with our souls. But once we realize that it is us, not God doing this to us....it is we alone who must step back and let God do His work through us, by cleansing us of our Feelings and emotions that are harming us, then things begin to look more clear. Not saying it will stop completely...unless we give God 10000000% of us, which is soooooooo hard to do...(We THINK we do it...but more often than not, we don't) then the tug of war will continue. Maybe with less pulling on one side, more on another...maybe less all together. But we must rely on our Father to break us free from these chains that bind our minds that bring on the deep bouts of depression. And the cleansing process can be more than a challenge....because your feelings inside will surface so strong, you won't know where to turn....and this is when sole trust in our Father must come forth! I once heard someone say, that when his feelings got out of control, or his emotions got his temper flaring, that he would shout first to God,"Help me! Stop me from myself!" then he would shout at his feelings and emotions...."DOWN BOY!!!!!" He said it actually worked! We laugh about it...but it works for him....



Praising God through all of it, is a great help. I have learned, and though, not devout as I wish I were, that the more time I spend in deep prayer with God, not only does it seem I have more hours in the day to do my things, but I am not so focused on self...or why....or I wish....or Help.....etc. It is nagging, but not the forefront of thoughts.

I hope this helps in some shape or form! I am so glad you stopped by!!!!

[everlastinglife]

I will pray for your sitiuation brother. Satan wants you to be distressed and pressed on all sides, that takes control away from God as far as our lives are concerned. If your fiance is investing in you and you both are in love dont hold back thats not fair. Shes all in so should you be aswell!! We dont serve God halfway idealy and we she give our loved ones our all. God first then family, eitherway were all in!!!! Love you bro and hang in there.

[forHim]

Thank you both so very much!

I went to see my fiance this past weekend, and it was truly a blessing. It was the first time i was able to see her in the last 2 months and helped so much to just be with her, and to see how the Lord is working in her life as well.

Sister, it's good to hear from you again as well. you're post helped a lot. I can completely relate to taking our emotions too seriously. Especially when the depression hits hard, besides the despair and terrible feelings that come with it, confusion may be the worst. I have tried to focus on what God is trying to tell me during these times, but I have come to realize that it is almost impossible and that i cannot trust any feeling inside when i'm really down. I just have to wait upon the Lord and trust in Him to get through it. I also like you're tug of war analogy. and you are so right in that we all try to twist what the Lord is teaching us into our own understanding. Through scriptures, through thoughts and feelings, all of it. I find it so hard sometimes to try and understand what the Lord is trying to teach me, only to fall into the trap of coming to conclusions based on my own understanding. As the Lord says, His ways are higher than our ways. We all need to let go more and more and just trust in the Lord and stop trying to make sense of it all. Not to give up our own God-given logic and reason, but to follow the Lord in faith. and you are right, that is sooooo hard to do. we are all so afraid to loose control.

and Jamie, you're post about giving all of yourself to your spouse and or family really helped more than you know. So often i find myself letting the depression back in by coming up with little scenarios where something isn't perfect, or how I want it to be this way or that way - only producing an unfair situation for my loved ones around me to try and live up to my expectations. again, it comes back to living by faith. I agree with what you said, but for some reason it slips my mind so often, and i need to take a step back and realize that it isn't about me, it isn't even about my family, it's about God and giving Him all the glory. And what better way to show God's glory than by fully loving you're spouse the way that Christ loves us.

I know that the struggles aren't over. they never will be until that wonderful day when the Lord finally takes me from this earth. this depression can drag you down in a hurry, and it's only a temporary thing (i have to keep reminding myself that), but it also helps to have a little breather now and then. Thank you all for your thoughts, prayers, and posts. I appreciate it.

May God bless you!

In Christ...