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Syaoran
Master Thief
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Joined: 01 Sep 2006
Posts: 546
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| Posted: Mon Oct 30, 2006 3:32 am Post subject: Bodyguard Discussion. |
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The thread title says it all. |
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Avarice
Council Member
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Joined: 01 Sep 2006
Posts: 500
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| Posted: Fri Nov 10, 2006 1:22 am Post subject: |
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Tres Interessant. Cannot say I am very familiar with the world(s) of Final Fantasy, but a very unique mix of characters and settings. Logan leading a band of seeming rebels with Remy as the new recruit is a very nice touch.
The last bit of dialogue from Lessie got a bit confusing, especially the "whisper...whisper..." part and the parenthetical statements.
Your action sequences are getting better, move vivid. And I like that you started out with the 'Flower girl' and then went away from her until the end.
Looking forward to the next installment, bro.
_________________
I am Loki Scar-Lip, Loki Skywalker, Loki Giant's Child, Loki Lie-Smith.
I am Loki who is fire and wit and hate.
I am Loki. And I will be under an obligation to no one. |
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Syaoran
Master Thief
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Joined: 01 Sep 2006
Posts: 546
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| Posted: Fri Nov 10, 2006 1:54 am Post subject: |
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Thanks for the comments, Ave. As for the whisper stuff, they were on a train, so the whisper was her talking low so the passengers wouldn't hear. I may continue this fiction just for you, since you seem to be the only reader of it. |
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