|
The Friendly Place to Get Help and Support! Here you will find free, friendly and courteous help and support for all your computing and photography needs. We also have forums where you can just relax and have fun, talk about anything you want to discuss within board guidelines, and share your interests and hobbies with others. Our portal (Home) page contains several activities and games where you can just relax. It also contains an ecard service. You are welcome to browse the forums to see what we have to offer, but you must register in order to participate. Some forums, games and activities are viewable only after you register. If you are new, click here to get started. |
 |
|
| Author |
Message |
Rike
Site Admin
User is Offline
Joined: 23 Nov 2006
Posts: 872
Location: WA, AZ
|
| Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2007 8:23 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Thank you Jane! That is really cute! 
Rike
_________________
Rike
"Time is what prevents everything from happening at once."
John Archibald Wheeler - |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Sheila
Moderator
User is Offline
Joined: 23 Nov 2006
Posts: 2612
|
| Posted: Sun Apr 29, 2007 9:55 am Post subject: |
|
|
Yes thanks Jane...I got a kick out of that one...
_________________
"You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have really lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love.” ...
"Henry Drummond" |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
pepperpot
Site Admin
User is Offline
Joined: 23 Nov 2006
Posts: 2474
Location: Venezuela
|
| Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2007 10:24 pm Post subject: |
|
|
I'm not there yet, but that one did crack me up Jane 
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Judges Jokes
A Charlotte, North Carolina man, having purchased a case of rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against .... get this .... fire.
Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of fabulous cigars, and having yet to make a single premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated that he had lost the cigars in "a series of small fires."
The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in a normal fashion.
The man sued ... and won!!
In delivering his ruling, the judge stated that since the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable, and also guaranteed that it would insure the cigars against fire, without defining what it considered to be "unacceptable fire," it was obligated to compensate the insured for his loss.
Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the judge's ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in "the fires."
After the man cashed his check, however, the insurance company had him arrested... on 24 counts of arson!
With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used as evidence against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning the rare cigars and sentenced to 24 consecutive one year terms
_________________
"Spirituality is not religion, religion divides people. Believing in something unites" |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
pepperpot
Site Admin
User is Offline
Joined: 23 Nov 2006
Posts: 2474
Location: Venezuela
|
| Posted: Wed May 02, 2007 6:38 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other:
"Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?"
"Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techniques: visualization, association, etc. It was great."
"That's great! And what was the name of the clinic?"
Fred went blank. He thought and thought, but couldn't remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?"
"You mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife, "Rose, what was the name of that memory clinic?"
.
_________________
"Spirituality is not religion, religion divides people. Believing in something unites" |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Rike
Site Admin
User is Offline
Joined: 23 Nov 2006
Posts: 872
Location: WA, AZ
|
| Posted: Wed May 02, 2007 7:18 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Samantha, I think you are trying to scare us elderly people! I am going to find some "young blonde" jokes...
Rike
_________________
Rike
"Time is what prevents everything from happening at once."
John Archibald Wheeler - |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Repa
Site Admin
User is Offline
Joined: 26 Nov 2006
Posts: 1901
Location: North Carolina
|
| Posted: Wed May 02, 2007 7:45 pm Post subject: |
|
|
I'm scared - that was me!!! Oops, I'm wrong, mine's Granny, not Rose.  Still, it could have happened to me! 
_________________
Repa
Older than dirt! |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Rike
Site Admin
User is Offline
Joined: 23 Nov 2006
Posts: 872
Location: WA, AZ
|
| Posted: Wed May 02, 2007 8:18 pm Post subject: |
|
|
3 women were walking on the beach when they found a bottle. When they pulled out the plug - you know it! - out came the Genie. "Well" he said. "I want to thank you for setting me free. I will grant each one of you a wish that will turn you into the person you would like to be!".
The first woman said she wanted to be extremely smart, intelligent, and self sufficient. The Genie granted her wish and turned her into a brunette.
The second woman wanted to be more average, you know, not too smart, not too intelligent... The Genie turned her into a blonde.
The third woman said she would never want to be self dependend, she did not want any responsibilities and didn't care about intelligence at all.
The Genie turned her into a man.
There - for all I know, these were young women - before they opened the bottle.
_________________
Rike
"Time is what prevents everything from happening at once."
John Archibald Wheeler - |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
janewm
Moderator
User is Offline
Joined: 01 Dec 2006
Posts: 1385
Location: Florida
|
| Posted: Wed May 02, 2007 8:50 pm Post subject: |
|
|
You guys are really starting to scare me. I know I am getting old, But you can also believe me when I say the memory went a long time ago.
The brunette I am not sure about, but the other two, yeh, that's how it works. (I was a blonde in my younger days, still am around the grey).
Jane
_________________
"If you cannot find the Truth right where you are, where else do you expect to find it?" Dogen
 |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
pepperpot
Site Admin
User is Offline
Joined: 23 Nov 2006
Posts: 2474
Location: Venezuela
|
| Posted: Fri May 04, 2007 10:18 am Post subject: |
|
|
Hehe...
I didn’t mean to scare anyone 
Age has nothing to do with it … you either got it or ya don’t  Right?!!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rike… I got one for you
A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"
Quietly the guy on the stool next to him, leans over and says "You should know that the bartender is blonde and so is the bouncer. Plus I myself am blonde and there are two blonde football players sitting on your right. Now go ahead and tell your joke."
"Oh no..." replied the blind guy. "I'm not telling it and have to explain it 5 times" 
.
_________________
"Spirituality is not religion, religion divides people. Believing in something unites" |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
janewm
Moderator
User is Offline
Joined: 01 Dec 2006
Posts: 1385
Location: Florida
|
| Posted: Sun May 06, 2007 4:57 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Here is a new meaning to "going online".
Jane
_________________
"If you cannot find the Truth right where you are, where else do you expect to find it?" Dogen
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Sheila
Moderator
User is Offline
Joined: 23 Nov 2006
Posts: 2612
|
| Posted: Sun May 06, 2007 10:04 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Samantha,
The memory one hits right at home but not me, well not yet.
Well maybe at times when the mind is over worked... 
I'm not a real blond but have been from time to time but some gray is showing. Time to color....
Jane...That's a little extreme Going on line but very cute...
You gals come up with some nice funny stuff... I'm glad the bartender didn't repeat 5 times...Rike and Samantha, cute blond jokes...Very happy I'm not a true blonde
Ok Repa...We know Granny is not Rose...Your mind is still working well...
Thank goodness...Mine too but I forget at times but not too bad, just a moment of forgetfulness....
_________________
"You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have really lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love.” ...
"Henry Drummond" |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
pepperpot
Site Admin
User is Offline
Joined: 23 Nov 2006
Posts: 2474
Location: Venezuela
|
| Posted: Mon May 14, 2007 9:47 am Post subject: |
|
|
A boy was having a lot of difficulty in French class.
To encourage him, his teacher said, "You'll know you're really beginning to get it when you start dreaming in French."
The boy ran into class all excited one day, saying, "Teacher, teacher! I had a dream last night and everyone was talking in French!"
"Great!" said the teacher; "what were they saying?"
"I don't know," the boy replied; "I couldn't understand them."
_________________
"Spirituality is not religion, religion divides people. Believing in something unites" |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
pepperpot
Site Admin
User is Offline
Joined: 23 Nov 2006
Posts: 2474
Location: Venezuela
|
| Posted: Wed May 16, 2007 9:04 am Post subject: |
|
|
A man was walking down the street when he came across a body lying on the sidewalk. He ran to a phone and called 911.
The operator asked him where he was and the man replied, “I’m on Sycamore Drive.”
“How do you spell that?” the operator asked.
“S-i-c-k…” the man began. “No, s-i-c-a…..” no, s-i-k-a…. Oh heck, let me drag him over to Lake street and I’ll call you back.”
_________________
"Spirituality is not religion, religion divides people. Believing in something unites" |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
pepperpot
Site Admin
User is Offline
Joined: 23 Nov 2006
Posts: 2474
Location: Venezuela
|
| Posted: Mon May 21, 2007 11:21 am Post subject: |
|
|
A man and an ostrich walk into a restaurant. The waitress asks, "What will it be?"
The man replied "a burger and a coke." "And you?" "I'll have the same," the ostrich replies. They finish their meal and pay. "That will be $4.50," The man reached into his pocket and pulled out the exact amount.
They do this every day till Fri.
"The usual?" she asked. "No, today is Friday. I'll have steak and a coke."
"Me too." says the ostrich. They finish and pay. "That will be $10.95"
The man reached in and pulls out the exact amount again just like all week.
The waitress was dumb-founded. "How is it that you always have the exact amount?"
"Well," says the man. "I was cleaning my attic and I found a dusty lamp. I rubbed it and a genie appeared." Wow!" said the waitress. "What did you wish for?"
"I asked that when I needed to pay for something, the exact amount would appear in my pocket."
"Amazing! Most people would ask for a million dollars. But what's with the ostrich?"
"Well," said the man.
"I also asked for a chick with long legs."
_________________
"Spirituality is not religion, religion divides people. Believing in something unites" |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
pepperpot
Site Admin
User is Offline
Joined: 23 Nov 2006
Posts: 2474
Location: Venezuela
|
| Posted: Wed Jun 06, 2007 8:56 am Post subject: |
|
|
The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?"
Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?"
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?" the man asked.
To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."
Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes", came the answer.
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No".
Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child.
"Is there anyone there besides you?" the boss asked the child.
"Yes" whispered the child, "A policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy," whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?" asked the boss.
Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the fireman," came the whispered answer.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.
In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."
Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated, the boss asked, "Why are they there?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle, "They're looking for me."
_________________
"Spirituality is not religion, religion divides people. Believing in something unites" |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
|
Affiliates and Friends:
    
  
| |
|
