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Doc McKelvie Chairman JCS [Gen. member] User is Offline Joined: 25 Oct 2006 Posts: 100586 Karma: 6 applaud / smite Location: Glasgow, Scotland 25352 points 0 warnings 0 tempbans	Posted: Fri Nov 17, 2006 8:36 am    Post subject: COP Jokes with Respect Meant... · Quote Originally created by the Indian in the old forum. Okay, Let's hear some good jokes for our men/women in  blue..  Yep, they have a sense of humor too... And let's keep it respectful. This is not a place to vent your anger about that ticket you don't think you deserved..  We all have been down that road before.. Me too, and I was a cop.. COP = Chief of Police COP = Constable on Patrol COP = Cop on Prozac COP = Coffee Only Please ..................................... back in the old days: PIG = Pride - Integrity - Guts _________________ Commandant [Gen. Members] Moderator Staff member Company Liaison M.S.T. Alpha CO. ------------------------------------------------------ May your seas be calm, your skies be clear and the winds be ever at your back.
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Doc McKelvie Chairman JCS [Gen. member] User is Offline Joined: 25 Oct 2006 Posts: 100586 Karma: 6 applaud / smite Location: Glasgow, Scotland 25352 points 0 warnings 0 tempbans	Posted: Fri Nov 17, 2006 8:38 am    Post subject: HOW TO INTERPRET A POLICE REPORT... · Quote Originally posted by the Indian in the old forum. size=18]HOW TO INTERPRET A POLICE REPORT...[/size]   (1) What the report SAID   (2)What the report MEANT (1) While on routine patrol... (2) I was in the car because the coffee shop was closed. (1) The motorist was operating his vehicle in a reckless manner (2) He had a bumper sticker that said "SLOW DOWN-DON'T FEED THE PIGS" (1) The accident scene and the safety of the victims prevented this officer from doing traffic control (2) It was raining. (1) This officer went out-of-service to obtain intelligence information from a street informant. (2) It was too hot to ride in the car. (1) I observed the suspect acting in a suspicious manner... (2) The dirt-bag let go with an "Oink" as I walked by. (1) Knowing the suspect had a criminal history... (2) He puked on my uniform one night... (1) The informant is of known credibility and has provided reliable information in the past... (2) I've got two theft cases hanging over his head... (1) While being arrested, this subject resisted being injured in the act... (2) He ripped my shirt and broke my new mirror sunglasses... (1) The motorist was cited for multiple traffic violations... (2) I wrote one citation for each swearword he used... (1) Upon announcing my title and purpose, I heard a voice from inside the house say "Come in" so this writer entered through the door... (2)The rock music was so loud they wouldn't have heard Patton's army so I kicked in the door. (1) The members of the press at the scene were offered every courtesy within departmental policies... (2) I sent then to a nonexistent address which I called the "Command Post." (1) I gave the motorist a verbal warning for speeding... (2) She was a good-looking blonde who owned a liquor store and who was free after my shift was over. (1) The Chief appeared at the scene and took command... (2) I sent him to the same address as the reporters. (1) Further interview of the witness was impossible, due to conditions. (2) It was my bowling night... (1) The motorist eyes were glassy, he had slurred speech, was unsteady on his feet, and smelled strongly of an alcoholic beverage. (2) He was howling at the moon and trying to drive the car from the back seat. (1) Using only enough force to restrain the subject... (2) My favorite song is "Drop-kick me Jesus Through the Goal Post of Life" (1) The defendant asked this officer's advice on how to act before the judge at his arraignment... (2) I told him he didn't have the `swingies' to call the judge the same name he called me. _________________ Commandant [Gen. Members] Moderator Staff member Company Liaison M.S.T. Alpha CO. ------------------------------------------------------ May your seas be calm, your skies be clear and the winds be ever at your back.
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Doc McKelvie Chairman JCS [Gen. member] User is Offline Joined: 25 Oct 2006 Posts: 100586 Karma: 6 applaud / smite Location: Glasgow, Scotland 25352 points 0 warnings 0 tempbans	Posted: Fri Nov 17, 2006 8:41 am    Post subject: The ONES that got away · Quote Originally posted by The Indian in the old forum. EVER GO FISHIN'? A man was speeding down a Texas highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over. The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair - there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?" "Ever go a fishin'?" the policeman suddenly asked the man. "Ummm, yeah..." the startled man replied. The officer grinned and added, "Did you ever catch 'em all?" _________________ Commandant [Gen. Members] Moderator Staff member Company Liaison M.S.T. Alpha CO. ------------------------------------------------------ May your seas be calm, your skies be clear and the winds be ever at your back.
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Doc McKelvie Chairman JCS [Gen. member] User is Offline Joined: 25 Oct 2006 Posts: 100586 Karma: 6 applaud / smite Location: Glasgow, Scotland 25352 points 0 warnings 0 tempbans	Posted: Fri Nov 17, 2006 8:43 am    Post subject: Police Power - "Move along folks" · Quote Originally posted by The Indian in the old forum. Better listen to the law A rookie police officer was assigned to ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came over the car's radio telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner. The rookie rolled down his window and said, "Let's get off the corner." No one moved, so he barked again, "Let's get off the corner!" Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled glances in his direction.  Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, "Well, how did I do?" "Pretty good," replied the veteran, "especially since this is a bus stop." _________________ Commandant [Gen. Members] Moderator Staff member Company Liaison M.S.T. Alpha CO. ------------------------------------------------------ May your seas be calm, your skies be clear and the winds be ever at your back.
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Doc McKelvie Chairman JCS [Gen. member] User is Offline Joined: 25 Oct 2006 Posts: 100586 Karma: 6 applaud / smite Location: Glasgow, Scotland 25352 points 0 warnings 0 tempbans	Posted: Fri Nov 17, 2006 8:45 am    Post subject: 10 signs that ......... · Quote Originally postd by The Indian in the old forum. TOP 10 SIGNS YOUR PARTNER NEEDS A VACATION... 1) He keeps handcuffing himself by accident. 2) He is starting to develop a crush on one of the transvestite hookers he arrested. 3) He wants to transfer to a K-9 unit because he thinks he'd look good in a collar. 4) He talk to himself. Half of him is the "good cop", and the other half is the "bad cop". 5) He wants you to call him "Judge Dredd", and he insists that all suspects should be executed right there on the spot. 6) He keeps asking you if his bullet proof vest makes him look fat. 7) He is exchanging donut recipes with complete strangers. 8) The perpetrators beg him to stop talking about his hemorrhoids. 9) Every Tuesday he insists it's his turn to be the siren. 10) He wants to hear less talk and more music on the police channel. .................................................................................................... . TOP 10 SIGNS THE CHIEF DOESN'T LIKE YOU... 1) He refers to you as "our mascot". 2) Instead of a gun, you were issued a water pistol. 3) Your locker is also the broom closet. 4) The job description in your contract includes "crash test dummy" and "pepper-spray test subject." 5) He sends you on drug raids - alone. 6) He always tells you that only wussies call for back-up. 7) He makes up "missing persons" and then sends you to look for them. 8) You always get the patrol car with the flat tire, no gas, a dead battery, and a broken air conditioner. 9) He lied to you about an "officer exchange program" and put you on a plane to Siberia. 10) He doesn't like to be seen with you in public. ........................................................................................ TOP 10 WAYS SIGNS YOU'RE MARRIED TO A COP... 1. When you start an argument, he calls for back-up 2. Refers to bedroom as "The Pokey" 3. Secret desire to see you in a Kevlar nightie 4. Calls far**ng his "silent alarm" 5. The obvious night-stick reference. 6. You never hear  him say, " OH, Man.... not donuts again !!" 7. Refers to his member as "the ol' breathalyzer!" 8. Stops you in the middle of sex to ask you if you knew how fast you were going. 9. Handcuffs don't turn him on anymore. 10. YES, that IS a gun in his pocket !!!!! _________________ Commandant [Gen. Members] Moderator Staff member Company Liaison M.S.T. Alpha CO. ------------------------------------------------------ May your seas be calm, your skies be clear and the winds be ever at your back.
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Doc McKelvie Chairman JCS [Gen. member] User is Offline Joined: 25 Oct 2006 Posts: 100586 Karma: 6 applaud / smite Location: Glasgow, Scotland 25352 points 0 warnings 0 tempbans	Posted: Fri Nov 17, 2006 8:47 am    Post subject: Murphy's Laws of Law Enforcement · Quote Originally posted by The Indian in the old forum. Murphy's Laws of Law Enforcement 1. 'Bullet Proof' vests aren't. 2. The bigger they are, the harder they fall. They also punch, kick and choke harder too. 3. The speed at which you respond to a fight call is inversely proportional to how long you've been a cop. 4. Tear gas works on cops too, and regardless of wind direction, will always blow back in your face. 5. High speed chases will always proceed from an area of light traffic to an area of extremely heavy traffic. 6. If you know someone who tortures animals and wets the bed, he is either a serial killer or he works for Internal Affairs. 7. Placing a gun back in a shoulder holster with your finger on the trigger will cause you to walk with a limp. 8. Flash hiders don't really. 9. If you have 'cleared' all the rooms and met no resistance, you and your entry team have probably kicked in the door of the wrong house. 10. If a cop swings a baton in a fight, he will hit other cops more often than he will hit the bad guys he swings at. 11. Domestic arguments will always migrate from an area of few available weapons (living room), to an area with many available weapons (kitchen). 12. If you have just punched out a handcuffed prisoner for spitting at you, you are about to become a star on 'Eyewitness News'. 13. Bullets work on veteran cops too. They also work on weight lifters, martial arts experts, department marksmen, Vice cops, S.W.A.T. jocks, and others who consider themselves immortal. 14. When a civilian sees a blue light approaching at a high rate of speed, he will always pull into the lane the cop needs to use. 15. If you drive your patrol car to the geometric center of the Gobi Desert, within five minutes a dumb-ass civilian will pull along side you and ask for directions. 16. You can never drive slow enough to please the citizens who don't need a cop, and you can never drive fast enough to please the ones who do. 17. Any suspect with a rifle is a better shot than any cop with a pistol. 18. From behind you, the bad guys can see your night sights as well as you can. 19. On any call, there will always be more 'bad guys' than there are good guys, and the farther away your back-up, the more there will be. 20. The longer you've been a cop, the shorter your flashlight and your temper gets. 21. Whatever you are about to do, if there is a good chance it will get you killed, you probably shouldn't do it. 22. You should never do a shotgun search of a dark warehouse with a cop whose nickname is "Boomer". _________________ Commandant [Gen. Members] Moderator Staff member Company Liaison M.S.T. Alpha CO. ------------------------------------------------------ May your seas be calm, your skies be clear and the winds be ever at your back.
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