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Doc McKelvie Chairman JCS [Gen. member] User is Offline Joined: 25 Oct 2006 Posts: 100586 Karma: 6 applaud / smite Location: Glasgow, Scotland 25352 points 0 warnings 0 tempbans	Posted: Sun Nov 19, 2006 11:31 am    Post subject: Paramedic/EMT Jokes - with respect meant.. · Quote Originally created by The Indian in the old forum. From broken toes to delivering babies, we owe these people a debt of Graditude.. Paramedics/EMTs?ECAs are on the front lines to help people who are in need of medical attention. We know how vital they are to our communities ... BUT for now: Let's hear some funnies on the folks out there in the ambulances... _________________ Commandant [Gen. Members] Moderator Staff member Company Liaison M.S.T. Alpha CO. ------------------------------------------------------ May your seas be calm, your skies be clear and the winds be ever at your back.
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Doc McKelvie Chairman JCS [Gen. member] User is Offline Joined: 25 Oct 2006 Posts: 100586 Karma: 6 applaud / smite Location: Glasgow, Scotland 25352 points 0 warnings 0 tempbans	Posted: Sun Nov 19, 2006 11:33 am    Post subject: You Might Be an EMT If... · Quote Originally posted by The Indian in the old forum. You Might Be an EMT If... Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you. Your idea of a good time is a full code at shift change. You find humor in other peoples stupidity. You believe in aerial spraying of Prozac You believe that "shallow gene pool" should be a diagnosis. You believe the government should require a permit to reproduce. You believe Chocolate is a food group. You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy, it sure is quiet around here. When you're out in public and you compliment a stranger on their great veins. You have ever referred to someone's death as a transfer to the eternal care center. You hate working nights with a full moon. You don't think a referral to Dr. Kevorkian is appropriate for this patient. You have wanted to give a seminar on "SUICIDE" Doing it right the first time. You have had to leave a pt's room before you laugh uncontrollably. You think coffee should be available in IV form. You have ever restrained someone and it was NOT a sexual experience. You believe that "too stupid to live" should be a diagnosis. You believe that the waiting room should have Valium Salt Licks. When ordering labs the Doctor wants to order a "dumb sh!t" lab. When you mention vegetable you aren't talking about the food group. You have been exposed to so many x-rays that you say, "No, I don't have to be worried about birth control... I've been irradiated." Your patient states, "I have no idea how that got stuck up there."   _________________ Commandant [Gen. Members] Moderator Staff member Company Liaison M.S.T. Alpha CO. ------------------------------------------------------ May your seas be calm, your skies be clear and the winds be ever at your back.
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Doc McKelvie Chairman JCS [Gen. member] User is Offline Joined: 25 Oct 2006 Posts: 100586 Karma: 6 applaud / smite Location: Glasgow, Scotland 25352 points 0 warnings 0 tempbans	Posted: Sun Nov 19, 2006 11:35 am    Post subject: Memo to all EMS personnel · Quote Originally posted by The Indian in the old forum. Memo to all EMS personnel To:            All EMS Personnel From: Chief of Operations Subject:    Proper Narrative Descriptions It has come to our attention from several emergency rooms that many EMS narratives have taken a decidedly creative direction lately. Effective immediately, all members are to refrain from using slang and abbreviations to describe patients, such as the following. Cardiac patients should not be referred to as suffering from MUH (messed up heart), PBS (pretty bad shape), PCL (pre-code looking) or HIBGIA (had it before, got it again). Stroke patients are NOT "Charlie Carrots." Nor are rescuers to use CCFCCP(Coo Coo for Cocoa Puffs) to describe their mental state. Trauma patients are not CATS (cut all to shit), FDGB (fall down, go boom), TBC (total body crunch) or "hamburger helper." Similarly, descriptions of a car crash do not have to include phrases like "negative vehicle to vehicle interface" or "terminal deceleration syndrome." HAZMAT teams are highly trained professionals, not "glow worms." Persons with altered mental states as a result of drug use are not considered "pharmaceutically gifted." Gunshot wounds to the head are not "trans-occipital implants." The homeless are not "urban outdoorsmen," nor is endotracheal intubation referred to as a "PVC Challenge." And finally, do not refer to recently deceased persons as being "paws up," ART (assuming room temperature), CC (Cancel Christmas), CTD (circling the drain), DRT (dead right there) or NLPR (no long playing records). I know you will all join me in respecting the cultural diversity of our patients to include their medical orientations in creating proper narratives and log entries. . _________________ Commandant [Gen. Members] Moderator Staff member Company Liaison M.S.T. Alpha CO. ------------------------------------------------------ May your seas be calm, your skies be clear and the winds be ever at your back.
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Doc McKelvie Chairman JCS [Gen. member] User is Offline Joined: 25 Oct 2006 Posts: 100586 Karma: 6 applaud / smite Location: Glasgow, Scotland 25352 points 0 warnings 0 tempbans	Posted: Sun Nov 19, 2006 11:37 am    Post subject: Faster Driver · Quote Originally posted byThe Indian in the old forum. Faster Driver Three paramedics were boasting about improvements in their respective ambulance team's response times. "Since we installed our new satellite navigation system," bragged the first one, "we cut our emergency response time by ten percent." The other paramedics nodded in approval. "Not bad," the second paramedic commented. "But by using a computer model of traffic patterns, we've cut our average ERT by 20 percent." Again, the other team members gave their congratulations, until the third paramedic said, "That's nothing! Since our ambulance driver passed the bar exam, we've cut our emergency response time in half!" _________________ Commandant [Gen. Members] Moderator Staff member Company Liaison M.S.T. Alpha CO. ------------------------------------------------------ May your seas be calm, your skies be clear and the winds be ever at your back.
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Doc McKelvie Chairman JCS [Gen. member] User is Offline Joined: 25 Oct 2006 Posts: 100586 Karma: 6 applaud / smite Location: Glasgow, Scotland 25352 points 0 warnings 0 tempbans	Posted: Sun Nov 19, 2006 11:39 am    Post subject: Paramedics · Quote Good ones again Indian. As I said with reference to the posts you did in the firefighter's forum thread we need to be able to laugh from time to time and I'm still wondering if you ever visited some of the places where I served in EMS. LOL Thanks for the laughs. Take care and may God bless you. _________________ Commandant [Gen. Members] Moderator Staff member Company Liaison M.S.T. Alpha CO. ------------------------------------------------------ May your seas be calm, your skies be clear and the winds be ever at your back.
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Doc McKelvie Chairman JCS [Gen. member] User is Offline Joined: 25 Oct 2006 Posts: 100586 Karma: 6 applaud / smite Location: Glasgow, Scotland 25352 points 0 warnings 0 tempbans	Posted: Sun Nov 19, 2006 11:41 am    Post subject: Careful What You Wish For · Quote LOriginally posted by The Indian in the old forum. Careful What You Wish For.. Three medics are walking on a beach, taking a break from an ambulance convention on a tropical island. They happen upon an antique bottle and in examining it, they all-too-predictably release the genie trapped inside. He offers them the obligatory three wishes and they agree to split them: one each. The first medic, an Advanced EMT, says, "I want to be ten times smarter so I can better help my patients!" "A noble wish, Master!", says the genie as he waves his hands. "Granted!" The Advanced EMT is ten times smarter. The second medic, a Paramedic, says "Well, I would like to be a hundred times smarter, to better help all the patients I have to work on." "Another noble wish!", says the genie and he makes the second medic a hundred times smarter. The third medic, a Field Supervisor, pipes up and says, "I wish to be a thousand times smarter, in order to best help all the patients that I must care for, genie." The genie cocks an eyebrow at him and says, "Are you quite sure that that is your wish?" "Yes, that is my wish! A thousand times smarter", asserts the third medic. "Very well! The most noble wish of all! Granted!!", booms the genie and he waves his hands. The supervisor is now an EMT. _________________ Commandant [Gen. Members] Moderator Staff member Company Liaison M.S.T. Alpha CO. ------------------------------------------------------ May your seas be calm, your skies be clear and the winds be ever at your back.
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Doc McKelvie Chairman JCS [Gen. member] User is Offline Joined: 25 Oct 2006 Posts: 100586 Karma: 6 applaud / smite Location: Glasgow, Scotland 25352 points 0 warnings 0 tempbans	Posted: Sun Nov 19, 2006 11:43 am    Post subject: Paramedics · Quote Originally posted by The Indian in the old forum. A medic goes to an MVA and finds a Porsche that sideswiped a concrete pillar, tearing the drivers arm off. As the medic is coming at him through the passenger door, the driver is moaning "Oh, my Porsche...Oh, my Porsche, Oh my poor poor Porsche!" The medic says, "Pal, forget about your car, look at your arm." The yuppie looks down where his arm used to be and moans, "Oh my Rolex...Oh, my Rolex!" .................................................................................................... .. Q. What did the Paramedic say to the stroke patient with left side paralysis? A. You're going to be all right! _________________ Commandant [Gen. Members] Moderator Staff member Company Liaison M.S.T. Alpha CO. ------------------------------------------------------ May your seas be calm, your skies be clear and the winds be ever at your back.
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