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PATCHES
Vice-Administrator / Lead Chaplain
User is Offline
Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 826
Karma: 8
applaud / smite
Location: Randolph County, N.C.
14363 
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| Posted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 1:39 am Post subject: Redneck Church |
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1- You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
the finance committee refuses to provide funds for
the purchase of a chandelier because none of the
members knows how to play one.
2. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if...
people ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000,
whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what
bait was used to catch'em.
3. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
when the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help
take up the offering," five guys and two women stand up.
4. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if...
opening day of deer season is recognized as an
official church holiday.
5. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
a member of the church requests to be buried in his
4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in
a hole it couldn't get our of" (Love it!)
6. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... the
choir is known as the "OK Chorale."
7. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
in a congregation of 500 members, there are only
seven last names in the church directory.
8. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
people think "rapture" is what you get when you lift
something too heavy.
9. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
the baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized "Wheeling"
washtub.
10. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
the choir robes were donated by ( and embroidered
with the logo from ) Billy Bob's Barbecue.
11. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ....
the collection plates are really hubcaps from a '56
Chevy.
12. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ....
instead of a bell you are called to service by a
duck call.
13. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ....
the minister and his wife drive matching pickup
trucks.
14. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ....
the communion wine is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink."
15. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ....
"Thou shall not covet" applies to huntin' dogs, too.
16. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if: the final
words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now,
Ya hear."
God Bless and don't fergit ta say yer prayers!!
_________________
 
  
  
Faith is not a sense, nor sight, nor reason, but taking God at His word. |
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partssman
Sergeant
User is Offline
Joined: 10 Feb 2008
Posts: 54
Karma: 1
applaud / smite
1733
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| Posted: Sun Apr 20, 2008 4:49 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: |
9. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
the baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized "Wheeling"
washtub. |
Don't know about being baptized in a wash tub, especially a number 2, but I do remember a few baths in a #3 when we visited the my Dads Mother in Ashe Co when I was a little chap 
_________________
When injustice becomes law....Rebellion becomes duty |
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JohnnyReb
CIC / Owner of the Forum
User is Offline
Joined: 21 Mar 2007
Posts: 1471
Karma: 14
applaud / smite
Location: "The Old North State"
15274
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| Posted: Mon Apr 21, 2008 5:46 pm Post subject: |
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4. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if...
opening day of deer season is recognized as an
official church holiday.
I believe it actually is... 
13. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ....
the minister and his wife drive matching pickup
trucks.
Preacher's wife drives a Full size Dodge, does that count? 
16. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if: the final
words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now,
Ya hear."
We say that at ours... 
Reckon I know what that makes us... 
_________________
 
God Bless "The Old North State" & Dixie!
 �Happiness Is A North Bound Yankee �
 � & A South of the BORDER Bound Illegal �
MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/johnnyreb64
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=CNS2 |
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