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tygrlillie
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| Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2007 12:57 pm Post subject: A few words of wisdom.... |
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I'm going to try and pop in here often to add to this as time goes on. These will be my little area for you guys to come to feel strong, or help me feel strong. If you want to add to it, add your thoughts on in here.
**************************************************************************************************** ***********************************************************************************
Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optionalI sit here behind the computer desk at school, that thought running in my head. I think to myself often how lucky I am - to discover that I am not as alone as I thought I was.
As some of you might be aware, or not - I am the one who is forgotten in my house. Often. I'm the one when they go on vacation, they leave me home. When they buy dinner or make dinner, I don't get any for me. When I cook, I have to care for everybody, and don't get any aknowledgement for it. When they buy Christmas presents, they buy for my brothers and sisters and aunts and uncles and everybody, but they forget me. And I have gotten used to that, over the years. My mom even dove into my candy the other day and ate it all on me, but I didn't even blink. I have discovered, though, that my friends are always there. I am never truly alone any more.
Taylor and LiMBO have taught me a lot of things, or I should say re-taught. I lost faith in who real people were, lost faith in the fact there are good men in this world not out to crush my spirit and break my heart. People who love with their whole heart and make you feel as if you are the important person. I've never known that. I believed it was a possibility, somewhere down the line somebody would find me special - I hoped for that for years and six years ago, I lost that hope. Taylor, Sam, Jeff, Brian, Mitch, and Zippy - they gave it back to me. They taught me that there is something uniquely special about me, something they have found to cherish about me. It feels good. To know that they truly care about the people who care for them.
They've also given me this unbelievable treasure of all of you. I don't know how I can express this right, but all of you have made such an impact in my life, you don't know. You encourage me, believe in me, want me to succeed beyond anything I have ever dreamed of. You make me laugh so hard I pee, you make me cry and want to hold you, you let me cry and hold me. You love me - no questions, no hesitation, no fear that I can harm you. It's so breathtakingly, achingly beautiful. Just knowing that if I need someone to hold me up when I can't anymore, when I start feeling that I am alone and no body gives a lick if I fall off the face of the planet, I can come to you, and Soup ....and I'm never really alone, am I? I never truly want to grow up - when you grow up you're heart dies, and I lived that way for almost 6 years. It's not a good way to be. You lose out on so much that way. I want to be a kid, with pigtails flying, and hugs and kisses for anybody that wants them, and a song living in my heart for the rest of my life. I want to be a kid, with no fear, and hope, and wonder, and dreams so big they'll never come true in real life except here - in my heart. I want to be a kid, somebody who loves easily and doesn't worry about tomarrow except the home work assignment that's due, or the cupcakes for Girl Scouts. I want to be the kid I was never allowed to be growing up - the one who sang and danced and thought that her DeDe hung the moon, and talks to flowers and animals, and chairs and listens for their response. I want to be the kid who explores and finds everything endlessly facinating and gorgeous beyond belief. I want to be the kid who can colour the world with Crayola markers and laugh until tears scream down my eyes and I want to swing on a swingset so high my feet touch the stars. I want to be a kid. Growing old - yeah, you gotta do that. Just laws of nature, of physics, and time. Growing up...you don't have to unless you want to, and me? I don't wanna. Thanks guys. Thanks Leggies. Thanks for letting me be that kid again - for finding her and giving her a flashlight to come home to my heart where she belongs. I'll always love you for that.
~tyg
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funyfkr2
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| Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2007 1:58 pm Post subject: |
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Tyg~
Im sittin here at work..tears streaming down my face. You have helped to confirm my belief that somthing much bigger than ourselves has brought us together. In some way..we have all been hurt..we've all been made to feel like less than what we are..or worse...that we're worth nothing at all. I describe us like broken pieces of glass..all different colors..all different shapes and sizes..coming from different places with different stories. Then one day God said..Im going to give them to eachother..to hold eachother together. We are a stained glass window tyg..a bunch of broken glass brought together to make somthing beautiful..that lets the light shine through. And the love..the love is what holds us together.
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tygrlillie
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| Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2007 2:15 pm Post subject: |
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Yeah, that works for me, too. And I have no idea what it is about this man that draws the weary wounded to his side and where we can reach out and find a new brother or sister reaching back, but Thank God for it.
~tyg
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Laura72
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| Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2007 7:25 pm Post subject: |
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WOW Tyg and Sarah - beautiful girls , just beautiful.. It is an amazing thing that we have all gained through our love of that silly gray haired man.
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Dawggie
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| Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2007 9:35 pm Post subject: |
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amen...thats all i can say....
i trudged thru this life, i really did, i honestly dont know what i did before all of this...i was really in a bad place, and i really didnt want much more in this life than just a little peace..i was so unhappy, i took care of my mom full time, after multiple heart attacks, degenerative arthritis, multiple joint replacement surgeries, open heart surgery, cancer, and other maladies...its what i did, and all the while i was being told that i was a piece of s**t, that i could do nothing right, that i was no good, and that i would never make it alone in this world..i survived a horrific childhood, an abusive relationship, and then landed smack dab in the position of raising a girl who my sister decided she wanted to neglect...so i took her in, and i set out to raise a strong, beautiful, smart and compassionate girl into a woman who could take on the world...its hard to do, when you think that you are no effin good, but i did my best, and i loved her, took care of her, praised her, supported her, and tried to be her biggest fan (i STILL am)...but i had nothing in my life that made me happy, i was so effin depressed, that all i did was get my crap done, so i could sleep and wait for steffie to get home...i just passed thru the days, trying to make it with the least amount of pain...with a debilitating back injury, it was not easy...i dealt with pain 24/7, and it made everything else all the more worse...i tried to keep a happy face, but being torn apart mentally and emotionally every single day takes its toll...and i wanted more...i lost the only soul that never left me (Levon) after 24 years, and life sucked...but i wanted more...i SO wanted more
so with my nephews help, i got out and i embarked on this journey...i grew and i flourished and i had fun and i met my lifelong bestest friends in the world and i travelled the country and i sang and i danced and i laughed and i just LIVED...i smiled with my whole soul...not just my mouth
this journey for me has been a life changing experience, and ill never forget it...i will forever thank Taylor for coming into my life and showing me that things can be different, that you can always follow your dreams, and that you should never care what everyone else thinks...because if he wouldnt have, i dont know what would have happened...who knows?? not me, but the whole idea of it scares me to death...ask me why i grabbed ahold with both hands and wont let go??
because i didnt have anything left to hold on to...i didnt, and i was done...i just wanted to find something to make me happy...i prayed that i would find that one thing...and i did, i really did...the whole story of that still blows my mind, and things like that just dont happen out of the blue...i believe that someone alot bigger than us, said..."hey...they all need some help"...
and then they sent him to help us...all of us...to show us that life can be ok...that we can all find that one place where we can be ourselves, where we can laugh together, cry together, love together, celebrate together and share our lives...taylors legs has been that place for us...its our home, it has been since June 8, 06, and although we have been shunned, cast out, thrown out, hidden, and torn to pieces, we have not faltered in our love for each other, our friends, or for Taylor and the boys..its whats called dedication...and when you have it, you have it all..nothing can tear you apart...it can only teach you that staying together is what its all about, and that as things get worse, you get stronger...
this is us...this is what we live, what we know, what we believe and what we live...it is bigger than each of us, and bigger than all of us put together...we shall stay together as friends and family until we are no more...we were meant to be family all along, but we got separated when God handed out parents...thats all
but we have found each other, and now we have our own place, and we can all just BE...
which is the only thing we ever really wanted, really...
sorry so long, and rambling...its just what i wanted to say...
i love all of you and im proud of all of us
dawggie<3
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SherBear
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| Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2007 9:50 pm Post subject: |
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AMEN....
I think of what we've been through, since becoming "Taylor's Legs",
and it always amazes me, everyday, I think, "we are all sisters from
another mother". Like Chris said, separated at birth....
But thankfully God decided to bring us together, just when we needed
"us"...
Thanks God...
Thanks for Taylor, the Boys, My Leggoes (since we all fit together *click*)
and for the tremendous love we feel for each other.
Just when I think I've had enuff, and I can't go on,
all I have to do is come here, or call one of you, and then
*POOF*
all is right with the world....
Thanks Tyg, Laura, Srah, and Chris for posting....it just reitterates all
that we/I feel....
Mucho Grande Amore...
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tygrlillie
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| Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 10:41 am Post subject: |
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*singing* I love to laugh...long and loud and clear....The more I laugh....The more a happier me...
I was brought up in a house where joy is to be stifled, especially my joy. Poor Chris gets to find this out firsthand when she comes to see me in March. Over the years, I discovered I don't know how to have fun, because it was never afforded me before. I had to be "big" from the time I was two years old, so I guess it was something I never learned. I still don't know how.
Until last year, I had never been to a movie with somebody. Until I had my daughter, I had never been to a circus. I have never flown a kite. I've never been to a party. A few years ago - something like 4 - I went on my very first date (to a Toby Keith concert). And I never really missed it - I had my music, my writing, and my books. These were the only companions I truly needed, I believed, because there - I could shed the skin of the pain and anguish of my everyday existance (and I say existance because how can you call that life?), and absorb myself with characters who loved me, all of me, the true me. When I lost Kerith's Dad, actually got the guts to tell him he was not going to hurt me like that any more, walked out the door and never look back - somewhere I lost those things along the way. I just put my heart, what little remained, in ice and went on. I ignored anyone and everyone, not purposefully - but because I couldn't feel any more. Leggies, take my advice - never put your heart in ice where somebody can't find it for you and with you later. I can't tell you all the untold things I missed by doing that foolish thing.
You know, I once told somebody that in the journey of life, the idea is not to look ahead wearily at the miles we have yet to travel, but look behind you - see just how far you've come.
~tyg
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Dawggie
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| Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 11:30 am Post subject: |
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| tygrlillie wrote: |
*singing* I love to laugh...long and loud and clear....The more I laugh....The more a happier me...
I was brought up in a house where joy is to be stifled, especially my joy. Poor Chris gets to find this out firsthand when she comes to see me in March. Over the years, I discovered I don't know how to have fun, because it was never afforded me before. I had to be "big" from the time I was two years old, so I guess it was something I never learned. I still don't know how.
Until last year, I had never been to a movie with somebody. Until I had my daughter, I had never been to a circus. I have never flown a kite. I've never been to a party. A few years ago - something like 4 - I went on my very first date (to a Toby Keith concert). And I never really missed it - I had my music, my writing, and my books. These were the only companions I truly needed, I believed, because there - I could shed the skin of the pain and anguish of my everyday existance (and I say existance because how can you call that life?), and absorb myself with characters who loved me, all of me, the true me. When I lost Kerith's Dad, actually got the guts to tell him he was not going to hurt me like that any more, walked out the door and never look back - somewhere I lost those things along the way. I just put my heart, what little remained, in ice and went on. I ignored anyone and everyone, not purposefully - but because I couldn't feel any more. Leggies, take my advice - never put your heart in ice where somebody can't find it for you and with you later. I can't tell you all the untold things I missed by doing that foolish thing.
You know, I once told somebody that in the journey of life, the idea is not to look ahead wearily at the miles we have yet to travel, but look behind you - see just how far you've come.
~tyg |
my coating of ice around my heart melted during my journey, and then in november, the 'massacre' happened, and i felt that ice forming again, but my leggies, they wouldnt have it, they kept my heart warm with love, understanding, support, loyalty and protection, and u know what? that ice never did return.....
one more reason that the leggies rule the entire universe!!!!
big love
dawggie<3
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tygrlillie
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| Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 11:41 am Post subject: |
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Yup! *g* Thank God I met Jay - he was so supportive during that time. It was awful. But you know, we got thru. And, nope, no ice to be had as yet. Let's all try and keep it that way. I find that yeah, the feelings hurt sometimes...even a lot of the time...but at least I am able to feel them.
~tyg
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Dawggie
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| Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 11:43 am Post subject: |
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feeling is good, and sometimes it blows too...
but when u got the leggies around to help that pain and hurt, the ice stays away...
just stick with us, and ull be 'ice free'
big love
dawggie<3
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