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June 23, 2008 - Monday

My Tribute to Amanda Rhea Jones

Mandy wrote in great detail about Amandas visitation and funeral so I will not repeat because she painted the picture so well. It can be found on her myspace ,richnessboard or amandas caringbridgejournal for those who have not read it yet and its beautifully done! (kudos mandy).

I promised Amanda that I would write a tribute that would be a source of comfort to her family and friends and I hope thru my words,her quotes and songs that I can do her proud. At the very end will be a poem that i wrote for Tammy as Amanda had asked me to write a poem or verse that would give her mom some comfort and capture how she felt.

I first met Amanda on Chris Slighs blog. I was an anonymous blogger being new at the computer but we seemed to have quite a bit in common and our friendship grew. When Amanda joined the Richness boards she was the 74 member to join and I was the 47 member to join was that coincidence or Fate? She gave me the distinct title of her "Richness Mom" one which I will cherish Forever! We spent hours on the telephone chatting about politics ,boys,styles and especially American Idol. Amanda was of strong mind and oppinion and was not afraid to get her point across. When it came to music we had our differences. I loved Nickelback,BonJovi and LifeHouse and she hated them called them "Butt Rock"! She would put up with me chatting about them because we were friends. She was happy to know I was a nurse so she can share things about her health and I would understand what she meant. She loved to hear about my Red Cross work and was always asking me about my patients.

She was having so much fun "stalking " the idols with her friends and she would always let me know afterwards the "details" and we both would get giddy! I remember how she felt when she got the news that her CML had returned. She knew what she had to do and set forth a plan to achieve her goal! Tammy and Amanda had countless trips to and from St Jude for lab and various tests prior to her transplant. Sometimes she would call me on her drive down or back eating those "mcdonald french fries"! Sometimes we would talk in pieces because the connection was not always good. One time Amanda was calling me and my phone was in my new purse with like 15 pockets and I couldn't find it and my aunt was with me at the grocery store and she said "jan" I think the melons are ringing. I told Amanda after I finally found it and she just cracked up and said "jan you are such a goofball"

Amanda and I were always "random" in our friendship,working nights I was up alot too so we had some of our best conversations at 2 or 3 am. It was easy to fall in love with Amanda it was to me as natural as "breathing". My heart ached when I knew the very long road that lied ahead for this very courageous young girl. I was talking to my best Richness friend Brian and said I need to come up with a plan to help this girl who has captured my heart. I thought long and hard and came up with My Amanda Plan. I needed someone to help me with the plan and who better then the man we both shared a connection with Chris Richardson. So I spoke to Chris on the phone and he was very interested in hearing my plan. Fate stepped in,because I was going to be in CT at the same time the idol tour was coming through. So I got a message to Chris and he was going to set time aside for us to talk about Amanda. He had known Amanda already because Chris and Blake Lewis with the RIchness intervention had set up tickets and back passes for Amanda to meet her idols when they came thru Memphis earlier in September for her birthday! When I met Chris after the busses pulled in he climbed the fence to give me a hug and I was so excited he said he was anxious to hear about the plan. I called Amanda and handed the phone to Chris (poor Amanda had no clue I didn't tell her who it was) and she got so excited she dipped her frenchfries in jelly Smile

. At the afterparty I explained to Chris that I wanted to send Amanda something each week while she was in the hospital to help pass the time away. It would vary could be big or little but always a surprise hoping her curiosity would help lesson the pain that I knew she was going through. Chris said "lets do it Jan" and he supported me the entire time,signing things,calling Amanda ,wearing her bracelet,making other idols aware and always being available for me to get him messages and return them.

Amanda 's transplant was Oct 11 and everything had went fine. I remember my text from her saying "Its time wish me luck"! All prayers were on her. Amanda wanted to write a book about her experience ,she wanted to make others aware. She always thought of everyone else. She had us collecting quarters for St Jude and praying for her warriors. My first gift to her was a journal because I knew how much she wanted to write. I sent her a cancer coin which I know she treasured and little things the idols signed in between. I had the RIchness help with a collage (displayed at Amandas funeral). One of Amandas most treasured "Highlights" was her visit from Elliot Yamin and her "boy" Brandon"! She couldn't wait to tell me how he covered her up and wiped her tears and how she made him switch hats (so that he'd be wearing a cool one),how he wore her glasses. She would cherish those memories . When she saw Brandon had made it her eyes lit up,that was her "boy". I was so happy for her and touched that Elliot would come through no security and spend all that time with her. Amanda said " I was so happy that he never felt like he was in a hurry he just sat and gave me time with him".

I had been trying to plan a trip there and finally Dec 4 was my time to meet this girl who changed my world. I remember first meeting Amanda and Tammy I wasn't nervous I felt I already knew them but I didn't realize how short Amanda and Tammy are(well maybe its me who's so tall:) ,but we instantly bonded! We were the Golden Girls ,with Amanda being Blanche and Tammy being Rose and guess who being um yeah Dorothy! She felt bad for me because she was having a bad week. I took her hand and said "amanda honey we are roomies at the Target House ,How can this be a bad week?" She smiled and said "I love you my Richness mom"! I brought her some gifts a poster I did with her and all her idols from 07. When I pulled out a hat and told her it was worn by Phil Stacey during week 16 and autographed she could not believe it! She put that on and she looked Awesome in it! You should have seen her eyes light up and that smile. Phil was aware I was giving it to her so he had sent me a message for her. I loved watching her at the hospital with her "phil hat" on telling everyone the story and then taking pictures with her warrior friend Jordin before Jordin got to go home. They both had their hats on! Amanda and I would laugh at the Frasier shows thats why "tossed salad and scrambled eggs" was our goofball moment! I loved to surprise Amanda and being unpredictable and Random was just me. I wanted to set up a Christmas Tree for them but Tammy had said they were going to do that next week so I did the next best thing "Christmas Stockings"! I filled them with special ornaments from St Jude and CD's and "crazy soft socks" oh how Amanda loved them!!It was my greatest joy after all she shared her "Funions" with me and that was the ultimate sacrifice because you don't mess with Amandas food ! (hehe). One day I came home and she said whats in the bag and I said guess! She said "Blake Lewis" I said "Nah to small for Blake" ,then I pulled out his new CD talk about fast move to i-pod and computer she was off !!

Amandas eyes and smile could be a novel unto itself. They just lit up Memphis! Tammy and I became good friends while I was there ,we shared morning coffee together(hazelnut FTW). To know Amanda is to know she is not a morning person! I felt so honored when Tammy had said I was "family"! Before I left we managed to put together Amandas fighting phrase which I do believe is now known in so many parts of the country and world. HOPE+BELIEVE=ACHIEVE! Hope is Amandas word and Believe is Tammys word and well just seeing All that Amanda was doing it was not that hard to put =Achieve! When I left there in Dec I felt I was leaving a piece of my heart!

Amanda wanted me to bring my daughter Aly for a visit in the Summer and I was planning to do so. Amanda had talked with her on the phone and it made her smile. Amanda loved children as evident by her unconditional love for Haleigh Grace. Haleigh captured Amandas heart and the too of them would spend endless hours coloring and doing crafts. They had their very own special relationship and nobody better bother them when they were coloring! Amanda being so concerned for others would always make signs for her other warriors to cheer them up. She loved glitter saying "why not add some sparkle to someones life"! Amanda was not high maintenance. She did not believe in makeup or Fancy clothes! Comfort clothes jeans or pajamas ,warm fuzzy socks ,stripes and bright colors (no black). She believed in expression and most of the time prefered her clothes not to match! I always told her thats cause she could never find anything to match in that "messy room" of hers! She would chuckle! One day I was putting on my makeup and she said "why bother Jan" I turned to her and said "Gee thanks Amanda" she said "Oh No jan I don't mean that I just can't see covering up what God had created! 21 and so deep !! I said "thanks my dear I just don't want to scare the rest of the world"! she always called me " goofy" and told me she was too!

We talked about Matt and Michael and how proud she was of both of them! She loved wrestling and just horsing around with them. She was so proud of both her brothers and loved to hear how they were doing in sports! She told me I'm their big sister so no one will ever pass my "date inspection" but I just want them to be happy! We talked about her Dad and how she could not wait for him to return home! Her pictures of his homecoming were proud moments for her. She shared with me her Christmas stories of how Daddy would try to get us to go to bed and if we didn't listen he would shoot Rudolf and we would have him for Christmas!

We talked about Lindsay and how strong their friendship had grown. She loved being a part of Haleighs life and was looking forward to the birth of Lindsay's son Hudson Rhea this summer. She loved you very much Lindsay and was so proud of all you are doing with your life.

We talked about her nurses at St Jude and how each one brought something special to her! Sara and Mary and Ashley,and all of you and most especially Troy! You captured her heart and you all did the finest job keeping her informed and making her feel safe! She talked about Troy cleaning her room and keeping you on your toes. She welcomed the late night chats and loved how everyone would fight to have her as their patient! You all meant the world to her and she wanted to go to school and get a degree and work there too and give back to the place that helped her and so many others.

We talked about her Mom. Tammy she relied on you more than you will ever know. She saw your unconditional Love and she knew you were always by her side. She wanted you to have the Mother Of The Year Award. She worried about you so much even when she knew she was going to die. She wasn't worried about herself just her mom and her brothers. I went back on her journal and copied her posts mentioning her love for you and they will all be in a scrapbook being sent to you! Tammy you will never be alone you will always have the memories of your baby girl wrapped around you just like her favorite "bandana quilt" ! Sorry I had it on the other night ( I knew I was drawn to it for a reason)!

I know alot of Amandas medicine effected her in ways that many may not understand. Her steroids made her gain weight,they changed the shape of her face and she had swelling most all of the time. She had to deal with the GVHD that played havoc on her body and her skin. To know Amanda prior to her transplant and then to see the changes her body underwent was difficult for most all of her loved ones. She was determined to find a cure for GVHD.

Amanda was a miracle in so many ways. When she was very sick in March I planned my second trip to be with her. I being a nurse was preparing myself for what to expect. Her skin had looked bad and I felt so bad for her but a miracle transpired while I was there! She opened her eyes mouthed "I love you Jan" through the vent tube and spent the whole entire week working herself off of the ventilator . Out with the feeding tube (well that one she removed because she had to get that "purple skittle " out of her nose!) Out came the catheter and the arterial line either she was taking them out or they were going to because she was determined! She worked herself down to needing very little oxygen and when I left I felt good figuring I would see her again in the summer. There was nothing that prepared me for the call I got from Tammy with the Dr's talk that they had with Amanda and her family! I still felt this is Amanda she will find a way to perservere. I never once have taken off my bracelet and at that point stepped up the fighting words of Hope+Believe=Achieve! Chris Richardson had mentioned it on a CT radiostation and they sent out a mass prayer! Prayers came from all over the world in abundance and Amanda did work her way back to the Target House!

In retrospect I think now Tammy that Amanda was giving you some "quality time" with her while she was feeling a little better . The Memorial Day Barbecue with the family and that special strawberry shortcake was a memory she wanted you to have and cherish! Amanda was about plans and she was very independent about what she wanted in just about everything including her own funeral. In one of her journal blogs she said "I'm ok with planning my funeral we are all going to die aren't we/" she said "at least I will have things done my way". She wanted to be in pajama bottoms (thats amanda) and wear elliots shirt (which did sit along side her in her casket). She wanted particular songs sung and she wanted the people who came to be comfortable.(the orange shirts for leukemia awareness and jeans were so much amanda style)! She wanted Jeff (who knew her so well to officiate). Amanda was big on Elliot Yamin and his song Free

Hold fast to your dreams
And don't be afraid to fly
Alone in the sky
When you do then you'll be free

Nothing's impossible
Free (alright alright)
You'll achieve the unexplainable
Free

I believe that miracles happen to those
Who refuse to be told
They can't happen when we least expect
When we let ourselves be free

When orange balloons were released by all at her graveside this song became so evident to me. Another song Amanda liked well she said she was drawn to is by Ginny Owens here is a verse from that.

The Pathway is broken and the signs are unclear-

And I don't know the reason why you brought me here.

But just because you love me the way that you do-

I will go through the Valley if you want me to.

Amanda told us on Oct 19 to "Be Thankful for Everything Good in Your Life,and that even in bad times you can find Happiness".

Here is another song that struck a chord with her(always thinking music Smile

i heard the song and it kinda struck a chord with in me. I know the song is from Herculeas dont know the original singer, but here is Lucas Grabeel's version of it. ..:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

http://youtube.com/watch?v=gd3ivTwE8bw

Go The Distance

I have often dreamed
Of a far-off place
Where a hero's welcome
Will be waiting for me
Where the crowds will cheer
When they see my face
And a voice keeps saying
This is where I'm meant to be

I'll be there someday
I can go the distance
I will find my way
If I can be strong
I know ev'ry mild
Will be worth my while
When I go the distance
I'll be right where i belong

Down an unkown road
To inbrace my fate
Though the road may wonder
It will lead me to you
And a 1000 years
Would be worth the wait
It may take a lifetime
But somehow i'll see it through
And i wont look back
I can go the distance

I will stay on track
No I wont acept defeat
Its an up hill slope
But I wont lose hope
Til I go the distance
And my journey is complete

But to look beyond the glory
Is the hardest part
For a hero's strength is measured by his heart
Like a shooting star
I can go the distance
I will search the world
I will face its arms
I dont care how far
I can go the distance
Till I find my hero's welcome
Waiting in your arms

I will search the world
I will face its arms
Till I find my hero's welcome
Waiting in your arms

Here is a poem called "in her eyes" amanda grew great inspiration from this hence "babysteps"!

A girl who is doing alot of amazing stuff wrote this poem.....if you want check her myspace and web pages out go here
www.myspace.com/bannersofhope
www.bannersofhope.org

she makes banners for kids with illnesses and she does alot of amazing things for kids with cancer.....she wrote this poem and i think its amazing....

Poem written by me Called "In their eyes"

My body's changing,I'm slowing down,My hair's changing,It's falling out! My thoughts are changing..things seem undone. My life is changing,but im still having fun!The hardest thing is to learn how to cope,but I know in my heart there will always be hope.The wind might blow, the rain might fall,but my friends have taught me to always stand tall.Days seem like months, months seem like years when I think of all the fallen tears.But things can get better, I see that now..I don't know if soon, and I don't know how,but small steps not leaps will help me progress, rather than creating a bigger mess.Life is what we see each dayBut will it always be this way?I'm willing to stay and put up this fight.. for as long as I can, I'll look towards the light.I can change some of the things I do but the question is are you willing to?Cancer might win..but I won't stop..because either way I'll be at the top!

I learned some things about amanda I did not know until Thursday! Tuesday is her favorite day of the week well its Idol day so Ok on that one,nestles crunch bars were her favorite,she loved the time of day when the sun would set and the moon would come out. Her favorite season was Fall,her favorite numbers were 22 and 28. She loved everything with Highschool musical and Harry Potter. Green was her favorite color (hence the bracelets). She loved Frasier,Golden Girls,Grays Anatomy,Idol. She loved her Nsync ornament and a crocheted ornament with a nativity scene inside. Chocolate cream pie was one of her favorites and spending time with her brothers Matt and Michael!

Amanda asked me to write some words of comfort for her mom Tammy I just hope this will help. I know it will probably make you cry but I want you to know I did my best!

MOMMA BE GLAD FOR ME

You gave me life 21 years ago-

and Momma theres a few things I think you should know.

I knew when they placed me gently in your arm-

That you'd be there to keep me safe and protect me from all harm.

It wasn't very long from then when we had our first hardship-

As the Dr's needed to repair my little troubled hip.

You were always by my side teaching me to fight-

"Baby GIrl you can do this Hold Tight with all your might".

"I did it Momma" I know your proud as I could see it in your Smile-

And with every" babystep" I took you stayed with me all the while.

The challenges ahead that faced us, at times just seemed so hard-

But Momma please know in your heart I held you in highest regard.

The pageants,boys and crazy things that you and I would share-

Are locked within my heart in a place I hold so dear.

A few years back when cancer came I felt it in your heart-

You were thinking the promise you made to me would soon tear us apart.

But Momma please know that Noone can ever take your place-

For as I stand beside "Our Father" in my soul remains your face.

You may not realize but its through You that I Believe-

That meeting God and having Hope has allowed me to Achieve.

I'm not really gone Momma in your heart and soul I'll always be-

So Please Be Glad For Me Momma ,Theres no Pain here, I've made It ,Your Baby Girl is Finally FREE!

I know near and dear to Amandas heart is the walk for Cure for Cancer in Dec 2008. I hope to meet so many of you there and revisit with those I have met! Amandas Idols Hope+Believe=Achieve is a way we can honor her and her warriors who she unselfishly fought so hard for!

Rest in Peace Sunshine

Your Richness Mom with Pride

Jan
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