The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and the revelation that there may be up to 2,000 "home grown" terrorists in Great Britain so they have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."
Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a
"Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.
Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.
It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Cordially
CDJ _________________ A ship in a harbor is safe, but that is not what they are made for.
CDJ
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tax Cuts - As Explained By A Democrat
If you don't understand the Democrats' version of tax cuts (and you are not alone), maybe this will help explain it:
50,000 people go to a baseball game, but the game was rained out. A refund was then due.
The team was about to mail refunds when the Congressional Democrats stopped them and suggested that they send out refund amounts based on the Democrat National Committee's interpretation of fairness.
After all, if the refunds were made based on the price each person paid for the tickets, most of the money would go to the ticket holders of the most expensive tickets. That would be unfair and unconscionable.
People in the $10 seats will get back $15, because they have less money to spend. Call it an "Earned Income Ticket Credit." Persons "earn" it by demonstrating little ambition, few skills and poor work habits, thus keeping them at entry-level wages.
People in the $25 seats will get back $25, because that's only fair.
People in the $50 seats will get back $1, because they already make a lot of money and don't need a refund. After all, if they can afford a $50 ticket, then they must not be paying enough taxes.
People in the $75 luxury seats will have to pay another $50, because they have way too much to spend.
The people driving (or walking) by the stadium who couldn't afford to watch the game will get $10 each, even though they didn't pay anything in, because they need the most help (sometimes known as Affirmative Action!).
Now do you understand?
If not, contact Representative Nancy Pelosi, Senator Ted Kennedy or Senator Hillary Clinton for assistance. _________________ A ship in a harbor is safe, but that is not what they are made for.
TRY THIS ON UR FUNNY BONE Y'ALL.
from my friend Oliver.
CDJ
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
REDHEAD GOES TO THE DOCTOR AND SAYS, "DOC EVERY TIME I TOUCH A PART OF MY BODY W/MY FINGER I SCREAM!"
"IMPOSSIBLE," THE DOCTOR SAYS, "SHOW ME!"
SO THE REDHEAD PROCEEDS TO TOUCH HER ELBOW WITH HER FINGER, "OOOUCH," SHE SCREAMS,THEN SHE TOUCHES HER NOSE..SHE SCREAMS AGAIN!
"HMM," SAYS THE DOC, "ARE YOU A TRUE REDHEAD??"
"NO I'M ACTUALLY A BLONDE," SHE SAYS.
"YEP!," THE DOCTOR SAYS, "I KNEW IT..YOUR FINGER'S BROKEN!" _________________ A ship in a harbor is safe, but that is not what they are made for.
I'm cleaning out my folders in the email part and I come across this one. It came in one of those mass mail deals and I really can't tell who gets the credit, but to whomever, Thanks!
"They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq," says one State Dept official to a co-worker.
As the co--worker pours herself another coffee, she says, "You know, dude, we could save them a lot of heartache for a while. Why don't we just give them ours?" she muses, and continues, "It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it seems to have worked for over 200 years, and what the heck, we're not using it anymore anyway." _________________ A ship in a harbor is safe, but that is not what they are made for.
You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum
