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Rating: A
Genre: romance, songfic, angst
Band: Panic! At the Disco
Disclaimer: based on Ryan Ross visual... not real!
Note: For Donatello!!! *hearts*

I comb the crowd and pick you out
My mouth moves too fast for you to figure it out
It starts eyes closed to fingers crossed
"To I swear, I say"
"To I swear, I say"

Firith stood in the middle of a hundred kids, just watching him. And his eyes too, were on her.She could have sworn she'd seen him mouth something in her direction. Or was he just singing along? She stood completely still. Waiting for Brendon to finish his final horny little gyration and the last song to be over. Firith could hardly believe she was here. Again. Seeing her ex. She closed her eyes tightly and took a deep breath.

After they finished, she saw him drop his guitar into the waiting arms of his tech, and drop down the stage stairs two by two. His slim figure turned and headed towards Firith. She shuffled her feet and stared down at them as he stopped directly in front of her.

"Hi."

"Hi."

Ryan grabbed Firith's hand and gently pulled her towards an empty booth of the still packed little club.

To hands between legs, to "whatever it takes"

He looked down at their entwined fingers and smiled.

She didn't.

"What's wrong?" Firith shook her head, and then placed her hand on Ryan's upper thigh. She squeezed, then slid her hand to the inside before squeezing some more. Ryan jumped slightly, put off by her behaviour, and not really sure what to think. He smiled at her again, but her face remained solemn. He shook it off, and ordered them two rum and cokes, light ice. The pair sat silently until the drinks arrived. Why make small talk? They both knew what
they were there for...

To drinks at the club to the bar
To the keys to your car
To hotel stairs to the emergency exit door

They toasted, and downed the drinks, Firith's hand still resting on Ryan's thigh, inching towards his crotch. He jumped,
and stared at her with wide eyes.

"Let's go." He whispered and yanked her from her place in side the booth. She trotted to keep up with his long-legged strides. He continued until he reached the familiar blue car and grabbed the keys from Firith's hand. "I'll drive." He growled, making sure to unlock and hold open the passenger seat door for her. After she was in, Ryan jogged over and got inside. They arrived at the boy's hotel in record time. They got out and he led her inside through the back exit. At the bottom of the stairwell, Firith pushed Ryan against the wall. Hard.

She placed her lips to his and he kissed her back greedily, breathing harshly through his nose. The cute little button nose she'd always loved so much. She had one hand on the buckle of his belt, and the other held up on the wall beside his head. Firith moaned softly as she adored the feel of his subtle facial hair caressing her face.

"Fuck, let's get up there!" Ryan growled against her lips.

Ryan fumbled around in his pockets for his room key, frantically sticking it into the lock as Firith snaked her hand around from behind him and cupped his crotch. Shaking with desire, Ryan pushed the door open, and dragged Firith inside.

She pushed him back into his position against the wall, and he grabbed her hips, yanking her closer with force.

"Where's your husband again?" He smirked, and Firith quickly kissed the cocky grin away.

"Nevermind where Mikey is. You aren't him." she shot back.

Ryan responded by pushing Firith roughly down to the bed, and stared down at her.

"I hoped you choked
And crashed your car"
Hey "tear catcher", that's all that you are
And ever were
From the start
I swear, I say
I swear, I say

She'd married Mikey Way months ago, and it was still a sore spot for him. After all, he'd dated her for two years before they broke up. But when Mikey left to rejoin his bandmates on tour, Firith stayed behind... in Vegas... and the rest is history. It had started out with just friendly conversation, then dinners, and then bed. Panic was returning home after working on their album, playing a small club show every now and again, trying to stay polished. Firith was at every one. And after every one...Well, this is what they did.

Ryan climbed atop her on the bed. kissing her neck softly, his hair falling across her forehead. She wrapped her legs around Ryan's waist and turned them over. It was a fairly easy task. He groaned as she sat back and unbuckled his belt. And unzipped his slacks.

Ryan found himself lifting his hips as Firith pulled his pants and underwear down his slender hips and legs. She tried to wiggle down and take him into her mouth, he grasped her shoulders, bringing her back up to meet his pout.

"Don't do that. you remind me of Brendon."

"Ew. don't mention Brendon when I'm trying to make love to you." Ryan replied, kissing her once again, his tongue searching her mouth, and his hands pulling at her clothes.

"Stop Ry! Be gentle."

He chuckled, and 'gently' tore the clothes from her body.

He turned over again, flipping Firith onto her back. She sighed as Ryan clawed at the rest of her clothes, sending them flying all over in his worked up frenzy.

"I need you." He whispered in a husky, voice. Definitely deeper than she was used to from him. And it most definitely turned her on. Firith grabbed the back of Ryan's head and laid another soul-searing kiss upon his lips. He held onto her tight, his fingernails digging into her sides but she didn't mind. He gasped as his erection grazed her wetness, wanting more than anything to bury himself deep inside, forgetting that she would leave when they were through, forget about Mikey, and about everything... Firith made a content noise in the back of her throat as he poked her with his tip. Her body jerked upward and she clung to his neck, kissing and sucking and nibbling. He arched his back at her touch, and thrust inside her without fair warning. It happened so quickly he, himself became lightheaded with lust. She cried out in pleasure as Ryan pumped into her.

"Holy shit!"

"I knnowww!" He agreed and thrust harder still.

"Oh my God Ry, please! Harder!" She screamed, and he obliged. He threw himself deep down inside her until he was losing his breath. Firith was panting, he was sweating, and their hips were crashing , making a yummy smacking noise that burned his ears.

"Fuuuckkk!" Ryan groaned, making Firith giggle. He was so soft spoken in public that she could barely imagine such works escaping his pretty little lips.

Her laughter lit a fire within him, and he locked her legs around his shoulders, lifting her slightly from the mattress, as he knelt before her. Firith held her own belly as Ryan kept his thrusts in time with her whines.

Just a little...more....

Her body clenched, and her walls gripped him snugly. She moaned loudly and flailed her arms uncontrollably as she climaxed. The second wind she caught triggered his own, his seed overflowing within her.

After a few moments of catching their breath, Ryan dropped Firith's legs, and lay beside her.

She immediately sat up though, and reached for the closest article of clothing. His t-shirt.

"Where are you going?" He asked in a raspy, 'after sex' voice.

"I've gotta go Ry. And..."

"And...What?"

"And...I don't think we can keep doing this... Ryan, I'm pregnant."

He stared at her blankly, as if the words she'd said had no meaning. And to him, they didn't. He still loved her.

"S-so? I mean, It..it may not even..."

"It's his..."

"How do you know? I mean, how can you be sure?"

She gave him another look and stood up to collect her clothes. Not saying another word as she went into the bathroom. Ryan sat alone in bed, clutching a pillow in his arms, and staring at the bathroom door. It wasn't closed all the way, and he could see the outline of his lover's body, washing her face, and then slipping into her clothes.

To the love I left my conscience pressed
Through the keyhole I watched you dress
Kiss and tell
(Loose lips sink ships)

"Firith.. What about... what about me?" He asked in a small voice.

"You. Don't tell anyone about us. Not even the horny doggy." She replied, smiling at the nickname she'd given Brendon, his best friend...

But Ryan didn't smile. Not this time.

To the love, I left my conscience pressed
Between the pages of the Bible in the drawer
"What did it ever do for me" I say (I say, I say, I say)
It never calls me when I'm down
Love never wanted me
But I took it anyway
Put your ear to the speaker
And choose love or sympathy
But never both

Love never wanted me

Firith glanced back at him from the mirror. "Don't do this. You knew this day was coming Ryan." She walked over and gave him a kiss on the cheek, then again on the lips before turning away. She knew it deep down inside that the baby she carried could very well be Ryan's, but to be able to give him a run at true love, and to hold her family together, she had to do what she had to do.

Leave him behind.

To the love I left my conscience pressed
Between the pages of the Bible in the drawer
"What did it ever do for me" I say....

verified-31 July 2007
_________________

? >> ↓ \o/
I'm Miss Bad Media Karma, Another Day Another Drama

I FOUND IT!!!!!! excited, yo

Part Two...

Maybe this decision was a mistake.
You probably don't care what I have to say.
But it's been heavy on my mind for months now.
Guess I'm trying to clear some mental space...

A heavy knock jolted Firith from her afternoon nap. She grew angry, as her two month old daughter Michaela had finally fallen asleep as well. It was her alone time. Muttering curse words, she arose from the comfort of the sofa and crept to the door of the home her, Mikey and Michaela recently moved into.

She swung the door open to see Ryan looking back at her.

I would love to talk to you in person.
But I understand why that can't be.
I'll leave you alone for good I promise.
If you answer this one question for me...

"R-Ryan? What are you doing here?!! How did you...How did you find me?" Firith asked him in a panicked voice. She glanced around the porch for signs of any nosy neighbors.

Ryan sighed, but he stayed still. He looked down at his feet, and stuck his hands into his pockets. "I don't know, actually, what I'm doing here."

I just wonder,
Do you ever,
Think of me,
Anymore, do you?

Firith grabbed him and yanked him inside. Ryan stumbled inside the warm house and noticed a small, pink pastel colored stuffed animal sat on the arm of the sofa. He glared at it as Firith gently shut and locked, and dead bolt locked the door, peering out of the peephole, completely paranoid.
She turned and stared at him, angrily at first, but the look on his face was so cute, the anger didn't last long. She took a deep breath and then practically whispered her earlier question back to him. "What are you doing here?"

Ryan ignored the question, and answered with one of his own. "So, the baby?"

First off let me say congratulations.
Heard that you just had a baby girl.
If she looks anything like her mother,
She's the prettiest thing in the world.

Firith nodded once. "Her name is Michaela."

Ryan snorted.

"What?"

"I guess she's not mine then is she?" Ryan asked with a smirk. She could tell he was trying to cover up the way he truly felt. He was crushed. And she was too.

"Why? Do you want her to be?" Firith replied, her eyes lowered as she watched as Ryan crossed the room, gritting his teeth in frustration, still clutching her baby's bear.

Swear that I'm not tryin' to start no trouble.

"Yes!!!" He answered finally. "But don't get me wrong..." He continued when she didn't reply. "I'm not here to take you back, or steal you away from Mikey..."

Tell your fiance he can relax.

Firith... I know we've been through a whole lot, and maybe nothing can ever fix it, but damn it, I still love you. And I wanted to know...Maybe you could tell me..." His child-like expression tore at Firith's heart.

I'll leave you alone for good I promise,
There's a question I just gotta ask.

"Do you still...? After everything we've gone through...? After all that?"

I just wonder,
Do you ever,
Think of me,
Anymore, do you?

"Yes, I do. Ryan."

She needn't say anymore. His arms were wrapped around her in an instant, his lips attached to her own, drowning in their urgent kiss, his tongue needy and passionate. Firith reluctantly gave into him, her arms hoisted around his slim neck. All resistance was out the window. She loved him.
Ryan's hands explored her body over her clothes.

"I want you..." He growled. But before he got the words out, Firith had already unbuckled his belt and thrown it to the floor. The pants he wore fell around his ankles and she fell with them. Ryan moaned as Firith reached into his boxer shorts and claimed his erection, holding it tight in her hands as she blew hot breath over the tip.

"Shhh!" She warned him. If his inability to control himself woke up the baby, he'd be leaving... and they would both remain unsatisfied. Ryan nodded and arched into her warm mouth. She took him down slowly, painfully too slow in his opinion, and swirled her tongue around the head.

It had been a long time for her as well. Mikey had been long gone back on tour before she had her six-week check up. And before that she was too large and miserable to do anything. She knew it was just sex between them now though. It could never be anything else. With her natural sun-kissed perfect complexion and Hazel brown eyes like the other Way son, there was no mistaking who she belonged to.

Ryan once again controlled his urge to moan as Firith took him deeply in her throat, she sucked him greedily, and he was turned on from the mere sight of her hunger for him.

"Please stop." He whined, gently pulling at her hair. Firith stopped, pulled herself away and stood up to look into his eyes. Ryan grabbed her face and pulled her to his, kissing her as her body wriggled out of her clothing. Firith squealed as Ryan yanked her underwear down, then paused.

"Is it ok.. that we.. That we do this?" He asked cautiously.

"It's fine." She murmured back in between kissing him.

"What about...what about?"

"It's FINE, I told you. I'm ok. I'm already on something. You sure are nervous there..." Firith panted. Ryan didn't answer, but guided her swiftly towards the couch where they fell, him on top. He kissed her again, before adjusting their bodies. He was now sitting with is back to the couch, and she was in his lap. "You know this can't happen again, don't you?" She asked him, placing light kisses over his forehead, cheeks, and nose.
He nodded.

"So this is our goodbye then?" Firith nodded sadly. "I didn't mean to upset you...I just. I had to know... There was stuff left unsaid..." He replied as she moved, positioning herself above his throbbing erection. Ryan's breath hitched as he felt the heat coming from her.

I know what we have is dead and gone.
Too many times I made you cry.
And I don't mean to interrupt your life.
I just wonder do I ever cross your mind?

"I'll always love you Ryan." Firith breathed as they connected for the last time. He settled within her, and she moaned against the soft skin of his shoulder. She held him tight, and he did the same, afraid, but then again, not, to let go.

She moved her hips as he held her body. And she was sure she felt his face wet with tears. She continued on, every stroke reminding them of something that they would never have. Tears came free-falling from her own eyes as he thrust into her, bouncing her small frame around in his lap. "I'll miss you so badly..." He said.

"You'll move on..." She cried as her stomach tightened and her orgasm fought to take over her.

"Even if I don't wanna..." He added, burying his nose into her hair, inhaling her sent, letting it linger in his nostrils before releasing himself.

The former lovers kissed one last time. And Firith rested her head on Ryan's shoulder as they remained unmoved.

"I'll always love you..."

I just wonder
Do you ever
Think of me
Anymore...

Do you?

A few short minutes later, they were dressing in silence, and the baby began to whine. Ryan looked over at Firith, he knew this was it. But made no attempt to kiss or hug or even touch her at all to say goodbye... Now knowing that she did feel for him, that he was somewhere in her heart, in her thoughts, he could finally move on. And with a nod of his head, he made his way out of the door, and out of her life.

For good.
_________________

? >> ↓ \o/
I'm Miss Bad Media Karma, Another Day Another Drama