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The World Of Fiction

Title: Driven (3-shot)
Author: Yekith
Rating: NC-17
Genre: I'm not sure. Read it and tell me? Slash and...feelings? Is that a genre?
Disclaimer: I have no connections with My Chemical Romance or their members. This fic is based on things that did happen on stage. But any other situation, same as the character's feelings and opinions are a product of my imagination. I don't think anyone will want to steal this but just in case...don't!
P.O.V.: Frank's
Summary: Those who say it's not possible to love two people equally, should step for one day into Frank Iero's shoes.
A.N.: The subject is not original, but I wrote it back then and tried to pay more attention to emotions than any other thing.
Remember English is not my language!

DRIVEN

Part 1

I was not drunk. Everybody assumed that I was, so I let them think that. What would have been my excuse otherwise?

The truth is that Toro and I had each drank a beer before the show to give ourselves some courage to face that crowd. We knew most of those people weren't there to see our band. Many of them probably hated us. So of course I was nervous, but I didn't get drunk. I was totally aware of my actions.

We took the stage and were welcomed by a rain of bottles and other kind of garbage. I said to myself that it couldn't be worse than at Reading, that I should just try to concentrate on our fans cheering and do my thing.
However, something else caught my attention that afternoon. Not something. Someone. It's not like it was the first time it had happened. I'd found myself staring at him millions of times since I met him, I could never help it nor hide it very well.
But that day it was different, I felt different, like in a daze.
I saw him standing there all exultant, even if he certainly was as nervous as the rest of us.
I saw him smile and praise the haters, because he knew that would bother them more than any other thing he could do.
I admired him, I loved him, I needed him. There was nothing else in my head.

Not many songs had been played, maybe just two; I can't quite remember. The bottling and booing had ceased.
I looked at him from across the stage and started to get nearer.
"Faggots!" screamed some guys in the audience. That only got me more decided.
For a while I kept playing on Ray's side, looking at Gerard in a trance; until I let my guitar go off my hands and did it.
I wasn't thinking straight, I didn't care that we were in the middle of the song or that he was singing. The next seconds were minutes to me.
I tiptoed, took him by the neck, closed my eyes and kissed his cheek. He carried on singing, used to me doing that, but I wouldn't quit it there. My mouth got closer, I teased him with my tongue, obliging him.
He stopped singing.
"Let me just kiss him." he said, or maybe something similar to that. I felt his tongue graze mine for a second and right after that his soft lips crashed briefly against mine.
And he continued with the song as if nothing had happened.
Of course. It was just a 'Let's give the pathetic drunk what he wants so he'll go away.' thing for him.
But I was not drunk.

When our set was over and we went backstage, he didn't say a word about the 'event'. Nothing. I stayed in silence, too.
"It seems like you had some more beers after I left you, didn't you Frank?" asked Ray. I just shrugged and walked way.
What was wrong with me? I had a fiancee, for fuck's sake! I was getting fucking married the following year!
Yet I wanted him. I wanted him more than ever.

Did it have to do with her, this change in me? She didn't love him, I could see it, I could feel it. He wasn't in love either, but they were together.
I had tried telling myself it wasn't my business, but I couldn't help hating her. The feeling was stronger than my will power.
Since they had gotten together I had been an asshole to her, and that had only resulted in Gerard growing distant from me.
I couldn't stand to see her with him, that was my only excuse.

A couple of days later the photo of us 'kissing' was everywhere over the Internet. Also in some magazines.
Oh God...
If I had made that approach only as a joke; if I had only been drunk and playing, then I wouldn't have cared at all. I would have laughed it off. But that wasn't the case.
I was embarrassed. How had I let myself go so far as to desperately implore him to kiss me on stage?

Luckily my girl didn't think much of it. She was too habituated to my weird antics and, as everybody else, she was sure that I'd had too many beers. Yeah right. I wish...
I never knew what Gerard's 'fiancee' thought of it. I didn't care.
Ok...I did care, I cared a lot, but it's not like I was gonna ask her, or him.

Our European tour continued.
Gerard would talk to me normally. I wouldn't say much to him. I was too busy trying to keep the fluttering in my stomach quiet and avoiding his eyes so my own would not betray me.

"Frankie...is there something wrong?" he asked me before one of the shows.
'Frankie'... did he have to use that nickname?
"Uh...no. I'm just a little...anxious. Yeah, that."
"Oh, chill out, buddy! You always do great up there!" he said standing behind me and massaging my shoulders.
As soon as I felt his strong hands on me I closed my eyes. It felt like electricity traveling through my body. My own feelings freaked me out. I escaped from his grip muttering 'Thanks, Gee.' and walked towards the stage.
I had never felt something like that being around him. Not that bad...

The shows...were the hardest part of all this.
It didn't matter how much I'd tell myself to stay cautiously away from Gerard for my own good.
It didn't matter how much I'd try to keep my eyes glued to the audience, my guitar, or just the floor or the ceiling.
There was always a point where I'd lose control. An unknown force that would drag me to him, like a magnet.
I did manage to avoid going as far as that time at Download, which was something.

But the same I would end up almost humiliating myself. Hugging his legs, leaning against him, playfully slapping his ass and who knows how many more things that my mind blocked to save my sanity, or what was left of it.
Anything to feel him, to sense his warmth. If I was lucky, I'd sometimes gain a caress, a ruffle of my hair, a hand running down my chest.
It all seemed like an act for him. However, it meant a lot to the lost, needy puppy he had turned me into.

And she...
She'd give me nasty looks when she'd walk by me in the dressing rooms.
She'd smirk defiantly from over his shoulder while they were hugging, her eyes burning holes into me while they were kissing.
Did she know? Could she see what was inside my head and my heart?
Or maybe I was being too obvious...
I'd push her aside roughly or ignore her completely most of times, even if she was talking to me.
In other occasions, I'd make childish comments such as 'What was that noise? Did you hear something, Bob? Was it the wind? Yeah, I guess that was it.' Bob would laugh and pat my back. I guess he didn't like her very much either. Gerard would shake his head and sigh loudly, walking away.

But lately he didn't seem to care so much as before. He didn't seem angry at me at all for acting like a jealous teenage girl. Not even when I spat on her and then laughed my ass off.
Was it possible that...?
No, I wasn't that lucky.
What was I thinking, anyway? What about my own fiancee? I loved her, I had no doubt about it.
But I still couldn't stop thinking about Gerard. Couldn't stop wanting him, needing him.

Then came the time to support Muse at Wembley.
Maybe I was just terrified of playing in such a huge, important place.
Maybe it was too much stress for my poor immune system, and I not only mean touring...
The thing is, I got sick.
I had been vomiting and feeling like shit since the night before. My fiancee was not there and...who was the one who took care of me?
Gerard. He stayed with me all the time, asking 'how are you feeling?' every five minutes.
If I hadn't been so knocked out I would have jumped on him.

The day of the gig, he was the one to call a doctor to give me something to feel stronger to play, since I'd insisted on doing it. I was better than the day before, but still kinda weak.
I would have protested if any other person had suggested calling a doctor. I hated doctors, I was sick of them.
But it was Gerard who called him, he cared about me a lot. The least I could do was stop being a stubborn little kid.
I was a good boy, for him. Consequently I was fine enough to play, and everything was good that night.

Things changed a couple of days later, though.
Gerard told us that he wasn't engaged anymore. That's when I thought back and realised that he had stopped wearing the ring some time ago, actually.
"I'm sorry." I expressed softly.
The guys stayed with him, but I left. I felt like shit for neglecting him, but it would have been even worse if he saw the smile on my face.
I was so fucked up.

From that moment he ignored me. He'd only talk to me if it was strictly about the band, still avoiding my look.
"Gerard...are you mad at me?" I questioned.
"No. Why do you say that?"
"Because you're pretty much ignoring me?"
"Oh please Frank, grow up already." he spat before getting out of my sight.
I asked the other guys if they knew what I had supposedly done to him. They said he was just upset because of the break up and it was nothing personal with me.
Who did they want to fool? I could see Gerard was acting totally normal with the others, even smiling and joking around; but his face would change in front of me. He clearly didn't want me around.
Was he blaming me for something? Had she broken up with him because of me? Because of the things I did?
No way...of course not. Why would she care? It wasn't like Gerard had cared, anyway. Or had he?

When we arrived in Spain, the situation had turned so uncomfortable that I decided to go somewhere else. Away from the hotel, away from the band, but mostly away from Gerard. Being near him knowing that he didn't want me there, was even worse than not seeing him at all.
I arrived at the venue in a taxi, later than the rest of the band.
"About time." Gerard murmured, and then went back to do whatever he was doing.

The shows there were great, but something was missing.
I was missing him.
I would not dare get close to him and he would evade me all the time. I was sure even our fans noticed that.
It was killing me.

Then one day, Gerard decided to tell the press that he wasn't engaged anymore. Well, I don't think he had decided to do it, but they asked and he answered.
I was astonished at how much he had changed. He had never liked talking about his private life. Why did he suddenly feel the need of spitting it all? What did he want to prove? Why did he need everybody to know?

Together with the declaration, his attitude towards me got back to normal. As if letting that out had made it all go away.
But again...had it ever had to do with me?
There was no conversation, no apologies or explanations. He was 'friendly Gee' again, not showing any knowledge of the past days.
I decided to follow his game. I needed him back in my life.
I was hopeless.

The following shows felt a lot better for me.
Nothing much happened. I mean...between us. But at least he'd let me get close to him, he'd look at me and we'd smile at each other.
Enough to make the butterflies in my stomach come back to life.
Enough for me to know I wasn't over him.
Enough to feel I'd never be and that would kill me.

On the day we opened for Red Hot Chili Peppers, he came to me while we were waiting at the side of the stage.
"Frank?"
"What's up, Gee?" I tried to hide the shaking in my voice.
"I know I should have done this before but...please, forgive me for acting like a jerk for a while. I don't even know why I did it..." he apologized, sounding sincere.
Of course he knew why he'd done it, but he would never say it. I would never find out and I was afraid of asking.
"I've already forgiven you, Gerard." I said, and I'm sure my eyes were shining.
Then he got closer and hugged me. I hugged him back, tightly, getting lost in his scent, smiling so big that my lips hurt.
Someone else appeared and greeted him. I cursed them under my breath as I let him go.
But I was happy, I had him back for real.

During a show in the UK he had the bad idea of mentioning the hole in his pants. How pathetic of me is it to confess that it turned me on?
Well, it did.
By then I was sadly beginning to accept that I had a huge crush on the lead singer of my band, one of my best friends, a man.
Still, I had a fiancee whom I loved in spite of all. And Gerard was obviously not interested in me, not like I wanted him to be.
Though I knew I shouldn't been wanting that at all. It was wrong.

It was wrong but the same I walked towards him, knelt down and looked at his trousers, suddenly finding the hole on them extremely interesting. I felt like exploring, so I introduced my guitar pick into it. Deep inside I was inciting him, waiting for a reaction, but it never came.
How could someone not notice his guitar player digging into his crotch?

Well...the photographers did notice. Again.
I wondered what could my family be thinking of the so particular pictures of me that were being seen lately...

The next day was the last one. Then we'd go home for about a month before Projekt Revolution.
A month.

I was drunk. I was definitely drunk that day. Just thinking about not seeing Gerard for so long was unbearable.
I wasn't wasted, but drunk enough to not be able to think much.
Enough to painfully fall on my back, though I played it cool and stayed there; my feet over the monitor that I had previously tried to climb and failed, handling my guitar until the song ended.

"Are you ok, Frankie? Aren't you hurt?" Gerard asked into my ear in between songs.
Oh my. If something was hurting at that moment, I surely forgot about it.
"Uh...no. I'm fine, thanks." I slurred, probably smiling like an idiot.
Like the idiot I was.

By the middle of the show I was already sobering up. I found myself staring at him all the time, finding it really hard to concentrate.
How would I survive without him?
I went for another beer but Brian took it off my hands.
"I think you had enough for today." he stated.
If looks could killed he would have been six feet underground.

It was torture, my own mind was torturing me.
Desperately, I grabbed the mic stand and started to hit my face painfully hard with the edge of it, to the rhythm of the music. I heard some fans screaming at me, concerned.
"Frank! What the fuck are you doing? Are you crazy?"
Yes I was.
When the set was over I had a bruise on my cheek and the worst headache ever.
I deserved them both.

"I'll miss you so much, Frankie..." he expressed at the airport, once we were back in the U.S.
"I'll miss you a lot more." I replied kissing his cheek. Then I turned my back on him while Jamia took my hand. I'd cry if I didn't.
And I went back home. Back to her. Without him.

The first week was hell. I'd walk around the house aimlessly. I'd lock myself in the bathroom to cry, pulling at my hair. I'd snap at her for anything.
Nevertheless she put up with me, she was patient all the time. She said I was probably having some kind of post-tour depression.
I was. I did miss touring, but I missed Gerard even more.

Even though my body needed rest, I decided to keep myself occupied with my other band.
It worked. In one more week I felt like myself again. I was smiling and joking. I'd laugh while playing with my dogs. I'd make love to my girl and enjoy it.
I was still wanting to go back on tour, but only that.

Was I cured?
Was I cured from that illness called Gerard Way, the one that took my heart and almost destroyed my will?
It seemed so...

I was wrong.
As soon as I saw him again my whole world was shaken. The butterflies began to flutter faster than ever. Without thinking I ran and jumped onto him, throwing my arms around his neck.
"Wow wow wow! I missed you too, Frankie!" he laughed, trying to get me to loosen my grip.
"Oops, sorry...I guess Projekt Revolution got me a little over excited..." I blushed. I knew I was blushing.

Projekt Revolution had a weird effect on me, no doubt. Also on him.
The shows were wild and so were we.
I was constantly provoking him and he'd let me do it.
He'd even let me stroke his crotch, closing his eyes in pleasure, though leaving me there on my own once he'd realise what he was doing.
He'd touch me too, his hand under my shirt over my bare skin.
I'd throw my head back and moan, I'd moan like a whore. Nobody could listen, but my face said it all.
That could not be faked.
And the girls in the crowd would explode in screams, cheering.
Were they seeing that as their fantasies coming true? Was it like the fan fictions they read and wrote were coming to life?
I had read some...I shouldn't have.

But then there was that night. That night that was different from all the others. San Bernardino.
The show started up normally. We were playing our hearts out, having fun. The crowd was responding perfectly. Gerard and I had fooled around like we'd been doing lately. Some touching, some rubbing, no more than that.
Then it occurred. And seconds were hours this time.

I came to the center of the stage for the final part of Prison. Just doing my thing, my eyes on the guitar. Gerard got close to me, singing.
Next thing I know, he had grabbed me by the hair.
It hurt, but I didn't have time to think about that because his lips were on mine and his tongue was pushing.
I opened my mouth while my arms fell limp at the sides of my body, dead.
I was in heaven, I could not believe it. That was too much to be just an act for the fans.
When our tongues met I felt Gerard flinch. My arms reacted as if they had a life of their own, instinctively wrapping around Gerard's body, deepening the kiss.
I completely forgot where I was. In that instant, Gerard pushed me away and kept on singing.
I have no idea how I was able to go on.
I don't remember the rest of our set.

"Frank...FRANK! Are you there?" Matt called me, moving one hand in front of my face.
"Eh? Yes?" I got out of my daydream.
"Wow, man. I thought we had lost you! Still too shocked?"
"What are you talking about, Matt?"
"Oh come on, Frank! Tell me...what the fuck was that?" he laughed, sitting on the couch beside me.
"Uh...I don't know...ask Gerard..."
I didn't want to talk about it. I was afraid my happiness would be very noticeable. Matt frowned.
"You seemed into it, though." he laughed again.
I lowered my head so my hair would cover the fact that I was blushing.
"I was just playing along..." I trailed off. "How long was it?"
"What?"
"The...kiss..." I almost whispered. He chuckled.
"No more than five seconds, I guess. Enough for people to get it on their cameras. It was on the big screens too, I was told. You guys really surprised me this time because..." Matt continued to talk but I didn't listen anymore.

Less than five seconds? Why had it felt to me like such a long time?
I could remember every detail of that kiss. It had been real, it had been passionate.
Maybe Gerard hadn't thought that I'd dare to comply, and that's why he freaked out when I did?
"I'll go take a shower." I got up, leaving Matt with a puzzled look.

Just when I reached the showers I spotted him. Wet hair falling on his face, only a towel around his waist.
Usually, he would have covered himself with something, or told me to turn my back on him for a while until he found a shirt. He was very self-conscious.
Not this time.
He looked me in the eyes and smiled. I smiled back, finding it hard to stay standing. He was beautiful, he had nothing to be ashamed of.
"Hey Frankie! Good show, uh?"
"Y-yeah...awesome. Just...perfect." I wasn't really talking about the show. "I...uh...need a shower, it was really hot up there." I added, obliging my eyes to break contact with his.
"Yeah, it was! Oh and Frank...?" he stopped me before I could walk away. "I'll speak to Jamia, don't worry. You won't get into trouble for it."
He what? I wasn't even thinking of that. Actually, I wasn't thinking about anything more than the perfect kiss we had shared.
Now that he had brought that up about my girl, I did feel dirty; not exactly because of the sweat.
Gerard had kissed me and I had enjoyed it too much. I had kissed back.
I could still feel his warm tongue against mine.
"Oh...thanks." I murmured and ran to the shower.

Nothing else was said about that night's event the following days. At least, not amongst the band or crew. The Internet was another subject, one that I didn't feel like dealing with at the moment.
Gossip had gotten to me, anyway. Fans were talking, they had liked it.
I'm sure they didn't like it as much as I had...

Verified 2/08 by K
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OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think I might have lurked this on mcrf back before I had broadband and couldn't comment because of the shitty dial up!!!

But now I can spam with the best of them!!!

Wow, I really love your writing...that's why it was so easy for me to catch up on Wind Up Toy (read that one, Krissy. You'll love the Frank!!!). Anyway, I'm waiting for the next part. Poor Frank, he's so confused and....horny?

*giggles and runs away*
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Yes, I'm awesome!

Hmm.. Wind up toy eh?
Is he insane? I love insane, mean, Frank. lmfao

I will check it out. But I love this so far, your writing is perfect! Maybe Frankie's unrequited crush isn't so unrequited after all...
_________________

? >> ↓ \o/
I'm Miss Bad Media Karma, Another Day Another Drama

Thanks girls!
I wish, as Jay said in another thread, that everyone who read commented...
Come on, at least say you're reading and if you like it or think it's crap! Laughing

But say something!

And about Wind-up Toy, I won't say much cause I might post it here after this one...but my Frankie's not mean, that for sure hahaha.
_________________

*nudges Krissy*

Notice how she says he's not mean, but she doesn't say he's not insane........

Yeah, Yek, don't worry. The slash whores will love this, they just don't get here every day. But they'll love you and be begging for more!!

I know I am! Update!
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Yes, I'm awesome!

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo tasty. : naughty

: I like. I like lots.
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SMACK MY BITCH UP

*would so read if she read slash* Sad

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Clicky Clicky!

Undead Baby wrote:

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo tasty. : naughty

: I like. I like lots.

Hahaha thanks for reading!

LexyVenom: give slash a chance! rotflmfao

This won't go that far if you don't read the last chapter. This fic had only 2 chapters originally. then readrs at MCRF asked for a third part

Laughing

I'm kidding anyway, I won't insist for you to read because I wouldn't read non-slash sex fics even if someone begged me to. Razz

_________________

I've tried giving slash a chance. cry

I just can't bring myself to read it.

Sad

_________________
Clicky Clicky!

Yey!
woop.
Another one I like.
Keep it up dearest. =]
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OH! I hadn't even Remembered this was a MCR forum, Silly Kayley, [Or did I....??] *shifty eye's* La La La...

~~~~~~

'The Brittish are coming the brittish are coming!'
I like brittish people.

omfg this is great !!!!

I don't even like slash Surprised

update soon !!!!

dance

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Samantha wrote:

omfg this is great !!!!

I don't even like slash Surprised

update soon !!!!

dance

Thank you! If you don't even like slash, then I feel honored!
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Well, not sure how many are reading but here's part 2! Smile

Thanks commenters!
The fic originally ended here. But when I posted it in MCRF, readers wanted more...you'll see why.

DRIVEN, PART 2

For the next show, I spent all night waiting for something else to happen. Staring at him, inviting him. It was as if a horny spirit had possessed me on stage. I could not control myself. I went wilder than ever, trying to release the tension that had built up inside of me.
I didn't get much from him.

Then it was time for 'Breakfast with My Chemical Romance'.
Ha. Breakfast? It was well past noon.
Everything was going just fine and I was having fun answering questions, sharing anecdotes, playing for the rather small group of fans there. It kinda felt like the old times and I loved it.
Until that girl had to ask that question.

"Are you gonna do again what you did on Saturday?"
Gerard's eyes went wide. I swallowed hard, sitting in the background and keeping silent.
"Oh please, don't make me talk now." I pleaded in my head.
Then another thought came to my mind "Please Gerard, say yes."
What a whore I had become...

"Hell, no!" Gerard hurried to say.
Why not? Had it been so bad?
"It isn't a command thing, it just happens!" he added.
I knew I was blushing furiously, and I was smiling and giggling like a school girl.
Good that no one could hear me.

The host wanted to know more...
"And what happened when you kissed Frank?"
Heat was rising up to my face.
"Magic, fireworks..." Gerard answered smiling.
And whether he was joking or not I melted.
I was a school girl in love.
I was pathetic.

"Really...I was getting even with him." he continued.
He had to ruin it all with that.
He had told the same thing to Jamia. The same excuse.
In her case though, Gerard had developed the idea; telling her that he wanted to get even for what drunk me -who wasn't really drunk in the first place- had done to him at Download.
Or...wasn't it an excuse?
What if it'd been just that, revenge?

"I don't think I wanna know what he did to you, then." the host chuckled.
I just made a face and shrugged. Gerard said something I couldn't hear.
Had he really done it to get even with me?
And even if he had...did he think I was just playing around back then?
I wasn't.
Did he believe that he would make me feel uncomfortable by doing that?
There was nothing farther from what I'd felt.

Then suddenly, as if he was afraid of what people might be thinking of us, a new girl appeared in his life.
He got her into his life, out of nothing. A member of another band playing at Projekt Revolution.
And he'd share accessories with her.
And he'd watch their shows from the side of the stage.
And they'd have lots of conversations, laughing loudly.

Rumors exploded, but I knew the truth.
I had seen them alone and they were far from being a couple. There were no kisses, no nothing. They were simply friends.
Someone even told me she was a lesbian, though I had no proof of that.
I couldn't care less.

The important point here is...that Gerard wanted to have our fans thinking he was with her. Or so it seemed.
What for? Why lie? Why fake that? What did he have to hide?
Was it...?
No it wasn't...
I tried asking him, but he said it was not my business and they were still knowing each other. He denied to be showing himself with her on purpose.
Whatever.

Even though I knew there was nothing between them, I was jealous. I was angry.
Most of all, I was needy. I needed him more than ever.
I couldn't stop watching him on stage.
I couldn't help but wanting to feel him.
I couldn't keep my hands off him.
What's more, he'd allow me. He'd allow me to do whatever I pleased.

That night when he asked all the boys in the audience to take off their shirts, that night that was hot as hell...I stripped for him.
Only for him.
I've never liked to play shirtless. I had never done it before but that night I took his wish as a command.
He looked at me smiling, his eyes traveling over my chest, taking in my new tattoo, making me freeze for a instant.
I caught him staring many times throughout the set.

There were also nights when I'd feel rejected and I hated the fact that that girl was getting more attention than me. I was his friend, too!
Ok, a friend who maybe wanted some benefits...
I'd always need to have his attention for at least one second.

At Atlanta, I blew him a kiss from the other side of the stage. He saw me, pretended to catch it and blew it back at me.
It wasn't something presumptuous or bold like other things we had done before. It was a moment two lovers would share. A personal moment in the middle of a public show.
It was so sweet that it almost killed me, but I told myself to keep my head in place.
It was an act for him, and I was engaged. I needed to stop.

But I couldn't.
At Charlotte, I decided to make him feel what he'd get by ignoring me, so I nonchalantly grabbed his 'packet' as I passed him by. I didn't even look back to see his reaction.
"What the fuck was that?" he asked later backstage.
"Look for the answer in your head." I smirked, highly amused.

The next performance I lost myself. I really lost myself. Things got out of control, I must admit it.
I saw him kneeling down and I approached him. He reached for my ass and squeezed it.
Oh my...
I lifted my left leg and placed it over his shoulder, practically mounting him. He continued to sing, I continued to play; rocking my hips, enjoying the friction a little too much.
Not a little...a lot. I was getting hard.
In need of more contact I dropped the guitar and desperately brought Gerard's head closer to my crotch, grinding myself against it like a dog on heat, at the same time that I was rubbing his face and moaning.
He slightly bit my finger, making me react and get off him.
"You better believe it!" he screamed at the end of the song.
What did he mean? Who was he talking to?

The following song resulted on a task for me, being hard as a rock. At one point I let the guitar meet my erection and I played like a mad man; fucking the instrument, closing my eyes to imagine that it was still Gerard next to me.
My orgasm shook me as the song concluded.
I was sure no one had noticed. People said I always looked as if I was making love to my guitar, anyway.

I saw him coming towards me in the dressing room. I had quickly changed, discharging my wet pants.
I was nervous. I was scared of what he'd have to say.
I had fucked up. I was ashamed and wanted to slap myself over and over again.
I had jerked off on the fucking stage thinking of him!
What if he had noticed I was hard? He must have noticed while my bulge was on his neck!

He sat by my side, resting his back on the wall behind.
"Frankie? Have I told you that I love your hair long?" he threw in randomly. I looked at him and he smiled warmly.
"Really?"
"Definitely." he brought one hand to my face, fixing my wet locks behind my ear and kissed my cheek. Softly, lovingly. Then he got up and left.
I stayed sitting there for what felt like an eternity until my brain was able to function again to tell my legs to walk.
What the fuck had that been?

Next was Tampa, and there was something in the air. I could sense something special coming. I just couldn't put a finger on what it exactly was.
To be honest...I hadn't been able to come up with a single reasonable thought since the night before.
First, because I could still not believe the way I had behaved up there, the way Gerard had turned me on and my almost porn performance.
Why hadn't he stopped me right away? Why had he let me make a fool of myself?
Images from the moment after my 'ride' flooded my mind, my body was bringing back the memories, the feelings.

I never thought I would dare pleasure myself in front of thousands of people. Most probably no one knew it, but I did and that was enough.
Then, when I was waiting for Gerard to come and say something about my demonstration of rodeo, he surprised me once again.
I was expecting questions, maybe jokes, even a reprimand because I had surely gone too far.
But no, he was the sweetest he had been in a long time.
It seemed like he knew what had happened to me on stage, everything. He supposed I'd be embarrassed and confused, so he didn't say a word about that. He chose to make a random, nice comment and kiss my cheek.
Oh Gerard...
If only he knew how much more confused I ended up after that.

"Uh...Frank? I guess...you were having some...happy thoughts, weren't you?" Bob's voice startled me, making me raise my head which collided violently against the wall behind me.
The pain numbed me for a while. When I recovered I tried to think of how much time I had been sitting there on the floor, lost inside my own world. My notion of time was lost together with my sanity.
Then I remembered Bob.
Then I remembered what he had said to me.
Going red as a tomato I looked down, meeting my obvious hard-on.
"Oh fuck...not again." I groaned.
"Frank, are you ok? That must have hurt...sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I came to tell you we've to be on stage in fifteen minutes, but..." he made a pause and his blue eyes pointed at my 'problem'. "...I guess you'll have to resolve that first..." he concluded.
I instinctively crossed my arms over the zone, smiling.

"I...well...you know Jamia had some things to do at home and...I miss her, you know?" I lied clumsily.
Well, not exactly lied. I did miss her a lot, only that she wasn't the reason of my little problem at that moment.
"Oh, come on Frank! You'll see her again in two days. It's not so bad!" he extended his hand, motioning for me to take it. I did and he helped me get up.
"Ouch." I yelped, feeling dizzy. I grabbed my head with one hand, while clinging to Bob for support with the other.
"F-Frank?" he held me by the wrist, worried.
"I'm ok Bob, it's nothing..."
The weird feeling was already passing.
"Are you sure? You just hit your head so maybe.."
"No no, I'm fine. It wasn't so bad. It's just that I got up too fast." I insisted. Bob stood in place, staring at me uncertainly. I patted his arm and gave him a reassuring smile.
Then I realised something that made me giggle.
"What's funny?" Bob frowned.
"That sudden dizziness was useful. I don't have to take care of my...not so little friend now."
Bob shook his head and laughed, his hand on my shoulder as we went to get ready to rock.
"You're crazy, Frank."
"And you looove it!" I replied, finally feeling back on Earth.

It didn't last, though. My head didn't stay out of the clouds for too long.
I had managed to keep my mind clear while backstage, even with Gerard being so close when we were waiting for the moment to come out.
But as soon as the first chords sounded and he appeared, more radiant than I had seen him in a long time, I lost it. My eyes were fixed on him.
I was saved by the fact that we had played all the songs so many hundreds of times. I would swear my hands could do their thing without needing any order from my brain.
I found myself spending more time in the middle of the stage than in my normal spot. I needed to be around him.

'I'm not Ok' began. I was standing behind Gerard, not really registering much of what was going on. Only him.
He seemed to be having a great time for sure. Talking to the people in the audience, pestering the security guys, making jokes, smiling.
Trying to distract myself, I picked up a sparkling, black boa someone had thrown and put it on. Then I went back to stand in front of my mic.

Gerard began to sing and I was still totally unable to get my eyes off him.
I realised how absent minded I was when I almost sang a part I wasn't supposed to.
For the second verse my impulses got the worst of me.
I walked to Gerard just in time to sing 'I'm not ok' into his microphone.
I could hear myself sounding totally girlie, though maybe it was just the weird mood I was in.
I rested my forehead on his shoulder, not wanting to leave his side.
I slid my head along his back down to his butt; feeling him, waiting for him to do something.
He did nothing.

I intended to step aside, but didn't have full consciousness of my actions; I was driven by lust, love, need.
He finally turned his head and looked at me, still singing. A mischievous smile on his face. His eyes shining, inviting.
I would have dropped my guitar right there. I would have held him tight and kissed him passionately.
But I couldn't do that...
I rubbed my face on his shoulder, full of desire.
"Another line without a hook..." he sang in the most sexy way, shaking his ass.
I heard that. I saw that. I couldn't stand it.
I stopped playing.

My right hand, now free, moved to his arm. Staring at him, I licked the side of his face; from the chin to his cheek bone, slowly enough as to enjoy it. He raised his other hand to stop me, but it barely grazed me.
I drew away reluctantly, giving Gerard's head a shove as I did. My way of saying 'look what you did to me, fucker'.
He seemed to go crazy for a while...

My legs were shaking, my mind was racing. The pain in my head had returned.
Fearing I might fall down at any moment, I sat at the edge of the stage, fighting the need to look back at him. I concentrated on my guitar and only my guitar until I felt better.
I eventually got into the show again, but I stayed there; playing hard, trying not to think of anything. Telling myself that the gig had only just begun, so I needed to put my feet on the ground.

I raised my eyes and looked at the people in front of me. I smiled and offered my guitar for them to touch it.
Not sure why I did it, I guess I needed to be in contact with the fans and forget for a while about the man that was driving me crazy.
Once I succeeded to get my instrument back -not without a little struggle- and the song had ended, I got up.
While I was walking towards the side of the stage, I heard Gerard scream "You win...!" in a playful tone.
But I didn't look back.

It wasn't easy, that night was not easy.
I needed him. As much as I knew it was wrong, as much as I loved Jamia and didn't want to hurt her.
I loved her, but I also loved Gerard.
Those who say it's not possible to love two people equally should step for one day into Frank Iero's shoes.

I tried to entertain myself doing the craziest things, but still couldn't help but being drawn to Gerard over and over again.
During 'House of Wolves' I was overwhelmed by the way he moved. Once again I rubbed my face on him, this time ending up on his crotch.
He never stopped me.
I played blindfolded for almost a complete song.
No, I didn't want to be innovative. It was the only way to stop observing him.

The set had finally ended, at least for me. Gerard had still to sing 'Cancer'.
I was leaning on a wall drinking water when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I gulped and turned, to find him smiling at me. I went mute, my eyes wide open. He caressed my cheek and I began to tremble.
Why was he doing that to me? What was I going to do?

"Come here." he opened his arms.
I walked the short space that was separating us and wrapped my arms around his waist, resting my head on his chest. He closed his arms on me and held me close, kissing my head.
I started sobbing.
Some fear, some confusion, some guilt.
"Shh...it's ok, Frankie. I know. I know, baby, I know."

Upon hearing him call me that, I froze and looked up.
"D-do you...?" I tried to speak but I choked on my own words.
Then he gently pushed me behind a curtain, out of any possible viewer.
He bent down and kissed me.
No crowd, no photographers, no need for an act.
I kissed back, tears rolling down my cheeks. I was still shaking.

"Ok. Gotta get back there." he let go off me. "Do you think the fans can wait a little longer to get their things signed tonight?"
I contemplated him with my mouth hanging open.
"I...I guess so..." I faltered.
He smiled for the last time before leaving for the stage.

I let myself slide to the floor as my head replayed those words Gerard had pronounced at the end of 'I'm not OK'.
"You win!"
Had I?
_________________

*spazzes for the States* excited, yo

_________________

SMACK MY BITCH UP

*needs third part*

I still haven't cheated!!! YAY ME!!!!!!!!
_________________

Yes, I'm awesome!

Jay wrote:

*needs third part*

I still haven't cheated!!! YAY ME!!!!!!!!

YAY you then!

In like...3 days? Razz

Undead Baby:

Quote:

*spazzes for the States*

*is confused* what does that mean? WHAT THE FUCK!??!?!

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Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat !!!! This story is freakin amazinggggggggggg

in love

so next chapter should go something like this

Gee ---> making out

<--- Frank

And then some secks

naughty

Update soon <3
_________________

Yekith wrote:

*is confused* what does that mean? WHAT THE FUCK!??!?!

*giggle* Sorry, it's a bastardization of a British slang term. It means that I'm spazzing like I do it for a national spazzing team. (I've really gotta stop using it, no one else gets it, either.: lmfao

)
_________________

SMACK MY BITCH UP

I'm bored and I might forget the following days so I'm posting the last chapter now!

This one wasn't going to exist but people at MCRF asked for a third part. It ended up being rather long and including more that they had asked for (yeah they only wanted sex hahahaaha)

If this sucks...just think of the second part as the end! rotflmfao

DRIVEN, LAST PART

I started to cry again, in silence.

I'd usually stay at the side of the stage and watch Gerard sing 'Cancer', since it's my favorite song. All the feelings he'd put into it and how he sang it from the heart never failed to move me.
This time was an exception.

I couldn't leave the place where he had left me. In between a wall and a curtain, hugging myself pathetically, alternating crying and laughing or just doing both at the same time.

Had he told me to wait for what I was thinking he had?
A part of me was wishing that was the case.
Another part of me was hoping for the opposite, because that would be easier. I wouldn't even have to say 'no'.
Yet again, I wasn't sure if I would be able to say 'no' at all.
What's more, I was afraid of yelling 'yes!' before he could even say a word.
But what about Jamia? What kind of horrible fiance was I?
I loved her, I really did, I couldn't imagine life without her.
But what about life without Gerard?

I suddenly felt like I was in a cartoon.
You know when characters have to make an important decision and an angel and a devil appear at each side of their head, trying to convince them?
If I was a cartoon character, my angel would have said 'Leave, Frank. Leave before Gerard comes back for you. Don't risk being tempted. Jamia loves you. You love her. You're gonna get married, why ruin it?'
Into my other ear, my devil would have whispered 'Oh, come on Frankie! Jamia's not here and she doesn't have to know. Besides...we both know you love Gerard as much as you love her. You should give yourself a chance. You should think about yourself a little! You would only be following your heart...'
I think I actually moved my hands around, trying to expel the voices of my conscience.

But I still didn't know what to do.
As I closed my eyes, I saw Jamia.
Gerard's voice was filling my ears, making my heart skip.
I was glued to that spot.

Then a different sound startled me. My phone.
Sniffling, I stepped into the dressing room -ignoring the guys- to retrieve it and went back to my previous hideout.
I looked at the screen. It was Jamia.

"Hi?" was all I managed to say.
"Frank, is it you? I can barely hear you."
"Yeah Jamia, it's me. How are you, babe?" I asked, trying to hide the tremor in my voice but failing miserably.
"I'm fine, missing you. But...is there something wrong? Are you crying, Frank?" Jamia questioned, concern in her beautiful voice.
I put the phone aside for a second, taking a deep breath.
"Uh no I'm not. I'm just...very tired." I finally answered.
"Sure it's only that? Don't lie to me, I know you." she insisted.
She did, she knew me too much.
But admitting that I was crying would lead me to lie even further.
I hated the idea of lying to Jamia.

"Yes love, it's just that, don't worry. I'm missing you lots too." I whispered.
"How was tonight's show?"
"Pretty good, I enjoyed it very much. People were really into it, so that made it even better." I told her. My thoughts threatened to reveal themselves, screaming out how I had enjoyed another aspects of the gig that didn't have to do with the music or the people.
I stopped them in time. How could I be thinking of that while talking to my fiancee on the phone?

"Good to hear! Well babe, you better go straight to bed now. You know you need to rest, we don't want you getting sick again. Promise me you'll be a good boy!" she cooed sweetly and worriedly.
It killed me.
The way she cared for me. The way she loved me. The way I loved her.
"I will. I love you, Jamia. I love you so much, never forget that." I fought back tears, for some reason unable to utter the word 'promise'.
"I won't forget it, Frank! I know you do, as much as I love you. Good night handsome, take care." she concluded kissing the phone. I did the same, slightly laughing at her calling me 'handsome'.

My laugh died when I realised that the show had ended a while ago and Gerard would come in at any moment. He hadn't showed up yet, though.
'It's your chance to do the right thing. Leave now, go meet the fans, do whatever but leave this place.' my imaginary angel murmured.
'Stay. You've been waiting for this so long...are you gonna escape now?' the bad side of me suggested.
"Fuck. Am I going crazy now or what?" I asked myself louder than I had meant.
Fearing that someone could have heard me, I peeped around.
No one in sight.

A sudden strength invaded me.
I couldn't do that to Jamia. I just couldn't.
After all...what could Gerard want with me? Some quick fun? A fuck buddy?
Maybe all he felt for me was pity. Pity for seeing me so lost for him.
What if he just wanted to please me to see if I'd stop bothering him after it?
I didn't want any of that. I would only hurt myself by accepting it even knowing Gerard didn't feel the same.
Myself and Jamia.
I loved her.
I loved him...

But...what if it wasn't like that? He had kissed me. He seemed sincere.
"Frank, Gerard's a good actor, he's proved that before" I reasoned.
With that last thought I shook my head and got up, determined to revoke my chance.

However, while I was walking with my head low, I walked into someone.
I slowly raised my head hoping it was anyone but him.
"Leaving without me?" Gerard smirked at very bewildered me.

All I had been considering, all I had been thinking, all of my conclusions, reasons, ideas, excuses; everything got swept away by that pair of mesmerizing hazel eyes in front of me.
Everything was temporarily erased from my mind by that wide smile.
Gerard had that power on me.

"I...was...just...going for my cigs" I made up, sounding like an idiot.
"I'll give you mine, come on." he breathed into my ear, taking my hand and dragging me behind him.
Was he seducing me? Where the fuck was he taking me?
I knew I had to stop that. I knew it.

But I couldn't.

He guided me outside of the place and kept on walking. I was too confused to pay attention.
"Here. I'm sure we can get to my bus if we're quick. The fans are far way, they won't see us." he spoke in a whisper and only then I was aware that we were hiding behind a truck.
How was I consenting to that? Running in the dark, escaping from fans.
What had gotten into me?
"Come on, Frankie!" I heard Gerard call, but I couldn't respond.
I felt him take my hand again and run. I was running behind him, I couldn't refuse.

We reached our destination and got in, he closing the bus' door behind us.
Gerard had his own bus most of times. I'd share mine with Ray or Bob, except for the days when Jamia was with me.
I missed the times when I used to share with Gerard.

The buses were all identical so there wasn't much to see. Not that a different vehicle could have been that interesting to behold, but in that moment I would have loved to have something catching my attention and helping me divert my eyes from the man in front of me.

Gerard took a step closer, placing one hand on the small of my back.
"You...are so pretty." he attacked my mouth, slowing down as soon as he felt me tense.
I sensed the tip of his tongue delicately grazing my lower lip and I succumbed, allowing him entrance. Our tongues met and danced together, my arms lost their rigidity and reached his neck.
My mouth felt on fire. My mind was absent. I felt high.

My legs moved though I hadn't given them the order. Gerard was walking me backwards until the back of my knees touched the blue couch.
He laid me down and landed on top of me, kissing my neck and caressing my sides.

What was I doing? Did I want to go further?
Jamia's face appeared before my eyes again and I made an effort to retain the image.
"W-what...it's not like this, Gee! It's...not like this.." I stuttered, pushing Gerard off me and sitting up.
He fell to the floor loudly and looked at me confused.

"But Frankie...I thought you..."
"Look, Gerard. I know. I know you've noticed how I look at you, how I tease you, how I try to be near you on stage. I can't lie to you. I want you, I need you. But you don't have to do anything just to please me. I don't want to be anyone's one-night stand. Not even yours. It's not like you think, I don't want to just get off. It's more than that and you can't give it to me. Fuck! What am I saying? I couldn't take it, anyway! I love Jamia. I can't hurt her like this. For no reason..."

Gerard listened to all I had to say in silence and I would have sworn there was sadness in his pale features.
"Frankie, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have rushed things like this. I left myself get lost in the moment, I just...no, let me finish. I'm not doing this to please you and I would never use you. You're too important to me." he put one hand on mine. I attempted to remove it, but he held it.
"Let's talk." he almost pleaded. I nodded and he sat beside me.

"Frankie...I do love you, but you know this can't be like we'd want to..."
"I know, I'm not stupid." I retorted sharply.
We didn't say anything for a while. He threw his arms around me and brought me close, kissing my head as I leaned it on his shoulder.
He sighed.

"Did you love her?" I inquired without meeting his eyes.
"Who? Eliza?"
"Yes."
"At first I thought I did. Maybe I just wanted to love her. I wanted to convince myself. I needed to be with someone, try and have a relationship like a normal person for once." he confessed, opening up like he hadn't done in a long time.
He was admitting that being alone terrified him.

I looked up, implying that he should continue.
"...but then I realised that it wasn't working. I wasn't in love with her. I don't think she was in love either."
"Maybe she was as desperate as you..." I interrupted.
"Yeah, I guess." he smiled sadly. "I was so determined to force myself into it that I even accepted to get engaged. How stupid was that?"
"Very stupid indeed." I responded sincerely. He chuckled.
"I would have gone on with her, I would have sacrificed my sanity but something made me put an end to it."
"What was that?"
"You. I couldn't be with a person who treated you in that way. I noticed how she would get near me or kiss me just to provoke you. She knew how you felt and she had fun with it. Besides, I saw how you hated her. You don't easily hate Frank, I know you. You would only do it for the right reasons. When Frank Iero hates somebody, it's because there's something wrong with that person." he continued.

I laughed at his last statement, though he was right.
I was jealous, yes, but that's not why I hated that girl. There was something bad, obscure about her. Her intentions were not good.
Let's say I have a sixth sense.

"What about this girl you are with now? I know there's nothing between you. Why do you want people to think there is?" I carried on with my interrogatory, now with my head on his lap.
He doubted for a while.
"She...she's my friend."
"Well, I could have figured that out by myself, dumbass!" I spat, exasperated.
"Oh...ok. We have an agreement." he turned red.
"What the fuck?" I almost screamed, sitting back again and frowning. "Care to explain?"
"You know how there have always been rumors about me being gay. After what's been happening between you and me lately ..."
"Are you blaming me?" I asked in disbelief.

How could he? He had rarely stopped me! He had been the one to start things many times!
I felt like walking out of the bus but something in his eyes told me to stay.

"No! I'm not blaming you! But I won't deny it'd be a problem for me to publicly accept that I'm gay. My father would not like that at all, and you know he's been sick. His heart is weak, I can't do that to him."
"I...I understand...sorry." I said softly, feeling horrible.
As much as I wished all people were more open minded, I knew it was nearly impossible to change everybody's minds.

"It's not only that, anyway. I also did it for you, Frank."
"For me? How come?"
That conversation was proving to be too hard for my tired brain. I was exhausted.
"I wanted to save you. You have a girlfriend that you love and I didn't want rumors to destroy that. I wanted to make you forget me. I wanted you believe that I was with her so maybe then you'd stop trying, for your own good. I guess I failed. Someone's a spy."
"Oh...no! It was just a coincidence that I saw you two when you thought you were alone..." I started to excuse myself but got sidetracked by the way my heart was pounding in my chest.
He did care about me.

"Is that the reason why you sometimes ignore me on stage?"
"Yes. I try, but it's so hard. There's usually a moment when I give in and let my feelings act for me. People think it's all an act anyway and for the ones who don't...for those I made that agreement with my friend."
"What does she get outta that?" I wanted to know.
"Get rid of the rumors saying she's a lesbian."
"Is she?"
"Uh...no idea. I didn't ask her."
"Oh, man! What close friends you are!" I laughed.
"Shut up!" he playfully trapped my head by flexing his arm around it and sent me forward over his legs.
Giggling like an idiot, I turned round so I was able to look at him.
Silence engulfed us.
It was the most awkward situation I had experienced in my nearly 26 years of life.

What I was thinking was wrong.
What I was wishing Gerard to do was wrong.
It was ridiculous. Was I going to risk it all for him?
I wanted to get up and leave.
My body wouldn't comply.

Gerard lifted me a little and made me fully lie on the couch. He stayed there on his knees, glancing down at me.
I would not move. I would not start anything.
He did.
He got on top of me again and began to kiss me.
I kissed back.

Kisses got deeper, desire took over us.
His tongue explored my mouth. His left hand was on my cheek, his right one on my hip. Both of mine running along his back
We stopped to catch our breath and as my senses momentarily came back, I could feel his hardness on my leg.
He moved a little, so now he was grinding it against my crotch.

Staring at his eyes I couldn't help myself.
I brought his face back to me and I resumed the kiss this time. Moaning softly while our pelvises found their rhythm, a rather circular movement.
My pants were restraining me, we were both moaning loudly. The night was hot as hell and we were bathed in sweat.

"Damn, Gee...w-what the fuck are you doing with your jacket still on?" I panted, reaching up to get rid of it.
He sat up on my waist, discarding his t-shirt.
I whined at the lack of movement. I was like a cheap whore under his touch.

I admired his naked chest. So pale, so smooth. He seemed perfect to me and I couldn't understand why he'd insist on hiding his beauty.
"Arms up, it's an assault." he announced with his best seductive voice, making my member throb.
I bucked my hips uncomfortably but did as he had instructed.
He took my sleeveless shirt off.
"I love how these shirts look on you. Though I love you more without any." he continued.
"G-Gee...you're driving me crazy..." I could barely word.

"I could say the same thing..." he kissed my lips but stopped before I could get to enjoy it.
Instead he sat up again, inspecting my inked skin.
I sensed my face burn. I felt somewhat insecure.
"I kinda miss your bare chest but...oh my! This tattoo looks so sexy on you." he went on.
I was getting the proof that he could never shut up. Not even in that kind of...situation.

His sexy voice numbed my thoughts.
As much as I loved it, I was hoping he would shut up. Only then I'd be able to really think about what I was doing.
More important yet: if I wanted to keep on with it.

Just when I thought that he'd give me a break, Gerard smiled mischievously and ran his tongue from my navel to my neck, drawing circles with the tip of it.
I shivered, arching my back.
He licked my ear, finally returning to my mouth at last, letting me savor him.

Without detaching his lips from mine, I felt him battle with my belt.
Victory was his.
But when he unbuttoned my jeans and he put down my zipper....my mind suddenly sent life signals.

"Wait!" I semi-screamed, detaining Gerard's hand.
"What's wrong, Frankie? Want me to stop?" he caressed my hair.
"Yes. I mean no. I mean...aren't we in danger of being caught? What if someone comes? What about the driver? What...?"
Gerard smiled warmly and silenced me with a peck.
"They said no one will leave today until Linkin Park finishes playing. There's no rush, theirs is a long set as you know." he assured me.

I tried to smile back but the truth was...my questions had been an excuse. I just needed time to try to think straight.
What about Jamia? Was this worth doing that to her?

Gerard was planting small kisses along my neck and my thinking got affected again.
He pulled down my pants, getting rid of my sneakers on the way.
I was left there exposed, in only my gray boxers.

I sat and reached for Gerard's jeans. I quickly made the belt disappear and the button was undone by itself.
Before going on, I touched his aching member through the fabric, contemplating his face.
Eyes closed, mouth semi opened.
He was so beautiful.

In a desperate move he tucked my long hair behind my ear.
"That's better." he grinned.
My nervous fingers slid the zipper slowly, my eyes keeping contact with his. I put his jeans down to his knees. He stood up and lost them at light speed.

Once he was back down on me I grabbed him through his blue boxers, watching him throw his head back and moan.
I noticed Gerard's hand on my underwear.
"N-no...Gee..." I hesitated. He stopped and kissed my forehead.
"Look...Frank. I don't want to force you. I will only go on with this if you really want it too. If this is going to make you feel so bad I'll leave now."

Hearing him say that, I knew it was my opportunity. My last change to change my mind.
The last call to escape from something I could regret later.
"Think of Jamia. Think of Jamia." I repeated in my head.

Then something else came to my mind.
If I left, I would also regret it later.
If I changed my mind at that moment, Gerard would assume I was not sure.
He would take distance for my own good...and his own.
I loved that man. I had to give myself that chance.
I'd deal with the consequences later.

My fingertips traced the outline of his face. I sighed. I was giving in to him.
"It's ok, Gerard. I want this. I've always wanted it, wanted you." I nodded, guiding his hands back to the waistband of my boxers.
He did his job, sliding it down in a painfully slow motion. I bit my hand to suffocate a scream when he took it past my erection.
After what felt like years I could finally kick them out of my feet.

"Your turn." I smiled.
I brought his boxers as far down as I could and he decided to finish the action without using his hands.
He began to move and twist his legs, that making his whole body undulate.
The incredible friction and the feeling of our groins rubbing was sending me over the edge.
I was panting and moaning and thrusting my hips up.
It wasn't being much different for him.

"G-Gerard p-please s-stop that and do s-something more or I will come right h-here and now."
"Y-yes, you are r-right, babe."
He ceased moving and now I was missing it. He eyes me, thinking.
"Eh...how do you want to do it, Frankie? You choose, anyway will be fine to me. Tell me what you'd want."

I wasn't expecting that question.
I hadn't even thought about details. I hadn't thought of how I'd like it.
Or maybe the problem was that I had thought about so many possibilities that now I couldn't choose.

I felt weird.

One thing was for sure.
Just in case we didn't have time for much more.
Just in case that was our first and last time.
Just in case...I wanted to go all the way.

It was absolutely wrong to think of Jamia at that moment. Yet I did it anyway.
A part of me would be kept just for her.

"Make love to me, Gee." I expressed in a barely audible voice.
I'm sure I sounded so cheesy.
"You mean...?"
"Yes, Gee. I want you to fuck me." I whispered against his mouth.

Our lips collided once more as I grabbed him, pumping him.
Next he sat up in between my legs, biting his lower lip.
"Frankie...have you ever done this?"
I thought for a while before answering.
What should I say? The truth?
Of course.

"Y-yeah but...it was a lot of years ago, before meeting Jamia." I turned red.
"How come I never knew that?" he questioned amused.
Was it that weird? I had declared my love for him and was now asking him to fuck me.
Was it that weird to find out I had been with a guy before?
"You never asked." I shrugged.
"Fuck, Frank. I don't wanna hurt you. It'll be the same as if it was your first time, you know?"
"I know, but this time is with you." I smiled.

I saw him reach down for his pants and take something from the back pocket.
The pretty fucker was prepared.
I was glad, though.

He separated my legs a little more and coated one finger in lube.
He slowly introduced it in my entrance, watching me closely to see my reaction.
I closed my eyes tight, wincing in pain.
"Relax, Frankie, you're too tense." he kissed the inside of my thigh.
That helped me calm down. I did my best to relax my muscles and the pain subsided.
I nodded for him to continue.

When he got a second finger in, I was better prepared.
He took my member and started to stroke it, making the pain go away pretty quickly.
When he began to scissor his fingers, stretching me, I yelped.
"Oh fuck! Sorry Frankie...did I hurt you?" he appeared highly concerned.
"Come here." I called trying to reach him. He abandoned my dick and helped me with his free arm on my back, the other one still preparing me.
He kissed me sweetly, then lied me back down on the couch.

He withdrew his fingers and I felt empty.
That feeling would not last.
He coated his length in lube. Watching him do that was turning me on so much that I had to take a hold of myself, breathing heavily.

"Ok. Ready?" he asked.
I just nodded.

He lifted one of my legs over his shoulder.
I couldn't really see what he was doing but I could feel his erection grazing my hole.
Then I felt it invading me.

What had only happened in my hottest fantasies.
What I had never thought could be more than a dream.
It was happening now.
Gerard Way was inside of me.

And damn he was big.

I screamed in pain, tears escaping from the corner of my eyes.
He lifted me again, kissing my tears.
"Shhh..relax. Want me to stop? You just have to say it."
"N-no. I'm fine." I muttered. "Sing to me Gee."

"We are young and we don't care, your dreams and your hopeless hair..." he sang, massaging my head.
Some would say that's not exactly romantic. It was perfect for me.

As he pulled almost all the way out he took my hard-on again.
He started to pump it at the same time that he slammed back into me.
It practically didn't hurt thi time.

Soon enough I was enjoying it completely.
He was thrusting rhythmically into me, his hand accompanying in perfect harmony. It was bliss.

I knew I was screaming like a whore, but I felt too good to care.
Gerard was still pronouncing words in between moans but I couldn't understand what he was saying.

Both my hands were roaming through his arms, his snow-white chest, his ass.
My legs tightened around his waist making him go deeper and he groaned loudly, hitting my spot.
"OH-MY-FUCKING-GOD" I yelled.
"Oh...Frank you feel so good that..."
He aimed for the same result and succeeded. Once and twice and more.

"I-I think I'm gonna..." before I could end the phrase I had come all over Gerard's hand, shaking and feeling high as a kite.
Right after that I felt Gerard's warm load fill my insides.
He rode his orgasm, and I thought he'd made me hard again.
He kinda did but I was out of it. Drained. But I felt complete.

He placed himself beside me and opened his arms so I could cuddle with him.
The heat was unbearable. We were soaked in sweat and we stank..
But it was needed.
We needed to show each other that it had meant something, that it had meant a lot.
It hadn't been just a release.

"Frank...no thinking now. Give your head vacation." Gerard told me, seeing me frown as I usually did when deep in thoughts.
I kissed him briefly, giggling.

"You giggle like a girl, you know that don't you?" he laughed.
I pouted and he added "But don't mind me, I fucking love it."

"Fucker."
"Indeed."
"Shut up already."
"Shut me up then."

And I did.

And we stayed there hugging and kissing until we heard the last Linkin Park's songs being played.
Then we dressed up in a hurry and made our 'hidden' way back to the venue to take a shower.

I won't say I didn't feel like shit after that night.
I can't say I didn't feel guilty.
I'd be a liar if I said it wasn't hard to look Jamia in the eyes.

But I would be an hypocrite if I said I regret it.
I don't.
It was worth it. It was totally worth it.

Call me crazy, call me fucked up.
But I can't live without either of them.
I love them both the same.

That night was our first time.
But it wouldn't be the last one.
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