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New Perspective
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| Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 1:12 pm Post subject: Every Burden Has A Version |
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Title: Every Burden Has A Version
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Drama,Angst
Authors: New Perspective and Fallen Firith
Prologue
The peaceful slumber that covered the snowy Chicago suburbs seemed imperturbable, like the weigh of the falling ice overwhelmed every sound in every colorful and season-decorated home. Except for one.
“It happened over a month before I was even in Chicago!” William Beckett yelled, flailing a piece of paper in front of the face of his girlfriend. His very pregnant girlfriend.
“I-I don’t---” Christine stammered, tears flowing down her cheeks. Any explanation she wanted to give was swallowed but William’s yells.
“Just-- fucking shut up! How could you---” William sighed and looked at the now crumpled paper in his fist. “That kid is not mine…” He said, pacing around the room, bringing a hand to his temple to rub it in circles. There was a pause.
“I didn’t know what to do…” Christine said in a little voice, almost afraid to break the silence.
“And not only you lied to me about it, but also cheated on me!” He added with scorn. Christine got defensive in the act and stood up from the couch, following his steps to face him.
“Oh, no. Don’t throw that on my face…” She said glaring at him. “Cause I know, Bill… I know what you’ve been doing with that-- skank you were on tour with!”
If Christine thought she had seen the worst of William so far, she was wrong. The glare he gave her managed to draw the very air out of her lungs.
“Don’t you dare talking about Taylor like that.” He said coldly. “You’re not half of the woman she is…”
Christine gulped, but didn’t back out. “S-sure, it takes a lot to be the slut of a committed man.” She said viciously. William glared harder, biting his tongue before speaking slowly.
“I’m not committed to you, Christine, and I truly regret being it once.” He turned around and snatched his jacket from the couch.
“Where are you going?” Christine couldn’t help asking. “Back in to the arms of your whore?” She said breaking in tears again. William couldn’t stop himself.
“I so would! But thanks to YOU I can’t do it! How does it feel to ruin my life, Chris?”
A door slam and he was gone.
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| Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 1:16 pm Post subject: |
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Taylor’s POV
My hands are shaking. And I can blame this stupid weather all I want, but I know it isn’t the cold that has me trembling like jelly. It’s been over 2 months and it still feels like it happened last week, it hurts like it happened last week…
After I left TAI…’s tour it took me 2 weeks to get on track. I went home and sulked all I had to sulk and then started looking for a job again. That’s when Ryan called me. True to his promise, the second he stepped back on US lands, called me and informed me of a free spot in their crew. Of course, I already knew about it from Nat, but I didn’t wanna ruin Ryan’s enthusiasm. The next day I was hoping back in a bus, back on the road… but I didn’t expect that road to take me so close to William again, not this soon.
I rolled off my bunk, careful not to wake my sleeping bunk mate and tiptoed to the front of the bus. It was chilly as fuck, so I wrapped myself in a blanket and sat on the couch, looking outside the window. I drew out a long sigh and rubbed my eyes. Why? Why of all the places in the US they choose to spend their week off in Chicago? Okay, that’s an easy one: cause Ryan is in love with Pete Wentz and can’t say no.
And apparently I care too much about Ryan to say no to him. Cause I should’ve said no when he asked me to go with him to the Angels & Kings club party or whatever Wentz was doing. But how could you say no to that face?
Yes. I’m aware I’m developing a small crush on Ryan, but I’m still on a rebound and he’s too nice to put him through it. Besides, I don’t wanna be his rebound either. With what we have so far we’re completely fine, I don’t wanna force things and then having us burn out just as fast.
Like Nat and Brendon. I don’t even wanna dwell on that emotional bush of them, but clearly they’re having issues. And for once Nat has been totally clammed about it.
I curled up some more on, leaving barely a gap to breathe through in the blanket I was wrapped with and stared out. It was about time for sunrise, but the thick layer of snow on the pavement told me the sun wouldn’t come up today.
“Morning…” Ryan startled me. He was scratching his head as he walked to the couch and peered around the blanket. “…Taylor.” He added with a chuckle.
“Hey!” I said sitting up and making the blanket fall from my head. “What are you doing up so early?”
“Not a heavy sleeper. I knew when you got up and you’ve been up a while.”
“Hm, sorry about that. I couldn’t sleep.” I said and offered a seat and the blanket. Ryan slumped by my side and wrapped with the blanket I handed to him.
“What’s bothering you?” He asked, but I couldn’t answer. I just shook my head and bit my lip, looking down. I didn’t even know how to begin to explain it. “You don’t want to talk about it?”
“I’m just... nervous.”
“But why?” He can’t be that clueless, so I looked at him.
“You know why…” I turned to stare outside the window again, realizing how silly all of this was. “This is so stupid.” I muttered more to myself and rubbed my face.
Ryan bit his lip. “It’s not stupid…” He offered. It made me smile.
“Care to elaborate? So I can stop thinking it is.”
“It’s not stupid… being cautious. That usually happens when you’ve been…” He stopped and sighed. “I don’t know…” He trailed off. I turned to him this time.
“What?” I questioned and he shook his head before answering.
“When you’ve been hurt?”
“Yeah.” I sighed. “But it’s been a while and…” I stopped cause I didn’t wanna put this on Ryan’s shoulders. It was my business to deal with. So I shook my head. “Nevermind.” I ended the conversation and placed my head on his shoulder. This made him hug me.
“Don’t think so much. It will only stress you out.”
“I’ll try.” I said with a little smile as I snuggled on his neck.
“Good.” He smiled.
I snuggled a little further on his neck as I was getting cold again. He was right, maybe it wasn’t that stupid to get defensive, but still bothered me. I knew I couldn’t trust myself with William, so it was best to avoid him all together. I was up for that, I could do it. I felt Ryan lie down on the couch bringing me with him and wrap the blanket around us tightly.
“Nap or breakfast?”
“Definitely nap.”
I giggled at his response and settled comfortably on top of him, checking on the blanket so none of our limbs would be left out on the cold.
A while later we were fast asleep.
.~
Nat’s POV
I lay completely still when I felt Brendon stirring next to me. For some reason, I’d been up for about an hour and hadn’t wanted to move just in case I woke him. There had been a little unspoken tension between us the last two weeks or so and I didn’t know why. Well, OK... I knew exactly why.
“Hey.” He grunted as he turned over to spoon me. “Are you awake, baby?” His breath tickled the back of my neck and made the fine hairs there stick straight up.
“Yeah. Good morning.” I replied.
“Wonderful morning. I dreamt of you all night.” He told me, gently kissing me on the neck, just below my ear.
“PG-13?” I giggled.
“Mmm... I’m thinking ‘R’. Just to be on the safe side.” He kissed the same spot as I began to giggle all over again. Honestly, moments like these were our best together. “Now can we… Try this again?”
I smiled to myself and turned over to look back into his face. “Yes.” I pressed our lips together, and he brushed the loose strands of hair away from my face.
“Does breakfast sound good?” I nodded in response and Brendon grinned, giving me another quick kiss before rolling out of the bunk. “Meet you up front.”
I smiled until he disappeared completely. Only then did I sigh, rubbing my hand over my face. We were in Chicago. I’d been dreading this day for two months plus. I’d have to finally come face to face with Mike again, and it was going to be plenty awkward, considering our last conversation.
”Stay.”
I couldn’t do anything but stare at him blankly. I couldn’t believe he’d said. Especially since it was the first word he’d uttered to me in days. “Mike...”
“I don’t want you to go.” He interrupted.
“And what If I stay? What then?” There was an awkward pause and I broke it with a sigh. “I gotta- I gotta go.”
“No Nat, wait...”
“What do you want from me, Mike? We’re both right here, so go on, tell me why you want me to stay, and I swear…I won’t take that flight.” I said, staring at him hard.
Mike flexed his jaw, but didn’t say a word.
“You can’t do it, can you?” I accused, shaking my head sadly. “If you can’t tell me why I should stay, then I have no other choice but to go.”
And that was it. I walked away. At least physically.
I hadn’t been able to stop replaying that moment in my head since. Bden was amazing, he really was. And I really liked him, but it was hard to adjust to his world. Being his girl, and not an employee and all. I was just uncomfortable going out places where I knew he’d be recognized and in the venues where his legions of fans could ogle and judge me. For this reason, when we did go out, I always avoided holding his hand, or walked a few paces behind him, with Shane. Displays of affection and everything I knew he didn’t mind doing with me were always out of the question and I knew he was getting tired of it.
The fact that I couldn’t stop thinking about Mike only made my guilt worse. But this was it. I was going to put an end to all of it later that night. I had no other choice.
I got up and went up to the front cabin and opened the blinds to see out of the window. There was a thick coating of snow on the ground and the sky was gray and dreary.
How wonderfully ironic for the way I was feeling.
I slumped down on the nearest couch and felt a lump move beneath me. “Shit, sorry!” I squealed and jumped back up swiftly.
“Natalie!” I heard Taylor mumble from beneath the covers.
“I said sorry, fuck.” I replied shortly, rubbing my eyes and going to sit at the small booth table instead, lifting the blinds and staring out of the window.
She sat up and blinked. “What’s up your ass today?” She asked.
I looked over at her and shook my head. She knew. She had to be feeling the same thing as I did. She looked back at me, but said nothing. Instead she shook Ryan, whom I hadn’t noticed either, and asked him if he wanted breakfast.
“Yeah, yeah sure.” Ryan grumbled popping up from under the blanket. “I’m gonna go get dressed.” He said and stumbled sleepily down the cabin. Tay watched Ryan leave and then looked at me.
“Are you ok?”
“I think it’s pretty safe to say no. You?” I answered.
“I second that.” Taylor replied, getting up to fire up the coffee pot.
I sat silently for a second. “Things aren’t going so good.” I whispered miserably.
She sat down beside me. “Does this have anything to do with a certain guitarist?”
“Mostly,” I replied, putting my head down on the table. “But it’s other stuff too.”
“Wanna share?”
I sighed as she rubbed my back comfortingly. “I’m still not used to all this and it’s damn hard. Do you know the other day I was reading some fan site over Zack’s shoulder and there were pictures of me up there? I mean seriously, what the fuck?”
“Don’t you remember Panic’s evil fandom of doom?” Taylor laughed a little, making me crack a small smile. “You knew this would happen. Question is, do you know how to handle it?”
“I know, I did. But it’s just so real now. I googled myself, Tay.” I said rolling my eyes. “And I don’t know... I think want to be with him, but this might be too much...”
“Haven’t you seen Mikey Way’s shirt?” She giggled. “Don’t do that, it’ll only make you feel worse. Besides, all that should matter is what you both feel. Not the fans.”
“And then there’s...” I trailed off, then bit my lip and gulped down the lump in my throat. “He asked me not to leave that day at the airport.”
Taylor blinked and lowered her voice. “What? Carden?”
“Yes! And I can’t stop thinking about it. I feel so fucking bad.”
“What did he tell you?”
“Nothing. I gave him a chance to tell me why he wanted me to stay. And he never answered. So I left him standing there.” I shrugged.
“Those two need to get their shit straight.” Taylor said folding her arms and lowering her voice even more. “Who the fuck do they think they are, anyway?”
I looked behind us before continuing. “What did Bill do now?”
Taylor pulled out her sidekick from her abandoned backpack and showed me a message:
I know you won’t reply, but I would like to see you when you get to Chicago. Please?
I rolled my eyes.
“What could he possibly have to say? Are you gonna see him?”
“I won’t. Not by personal choice, at least.” She shook her head.
“I don’t get it, what do you mean?” I said as I heard the boys’ laughter just behind the cabin door.
Taylor turned back and then said, “Ryan asked me to go to Pete Wentz’ club.”
“Yeah, we’re going to that...” I sighed as the boys returned.
“Ladies!” Spence greeted.
“Morning, Spence. What’s up?”
“We’re going out for breakfast this morning,” He chuckled.
“Yeah, so you guys should get dressed.” Ryan added with a smile.
Tay offered a small smile to Ryan. “But I already had the coffee done!” She giggled and went to get dressed.
“Wanna take a shower?” Brendon asked, his arms around me. I smiled at him and nodded.
“We’re on borrowed time, you two.” Spencer groaned.
I giggled and rolled my eyes. “Get your mind outta the gutter, Smith.”
“Besides, there hasn’t been much going on there anyway lately. Thank the heavens.” Ryan laughed.
I bit my lip guiltily and held onto B’s arm. “Be right back, assholes.”
When we were all dressed and ready, Zack came and led us all out to the rented van. Off to the nearest I-HOP we went. Taylor and I would have to finish our conversation later. Hopefully before this party that was sure to be a disaster.
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| Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 1:20 pm Post subject: |
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Taylor’s POV
I was staring at my reflection on the mirror, trying to get something close to a straight line with the eyeliner pencil, but I was still coming out as a raccoon. Nat should be here any minute now, she’ll help. I took a deep breath, looking at my shaking hand. Apparently it’s okay to feel nervous, but doesn’t make it less frustrating. So what if I wanted a little make up for this? It wasn’t to get his attention, of course.
Not at all.
I rubbed my eyes clean again when a loud knock on the door made me jump and I went to open. I knew it was Nat.
“Hi.” I held the door open to let a fully dressed Nat in and closed it behind her.
“Hey.” I sat down on the bed and handed her the eye pencil with a tiny smile.
“Make me pretty.” The cheesiness of the request made us both laugh a little, but it soon faded and Nat got to work on my eye… and nearly poked it out. Wasn’t her fault though…
“You’ll have to be still…”
“I know.” I held my breath and sat as still as I could, trying to make small talk. “So… why the dry law with Bden?”
“What do you mean?” She said playing dumb and looking at the first eye before starting with the second.
“C’mon, you both are noisy enough and I haven’t been awakened by you in over a week.” Only then Nat stopped to sigh.
“Try two. And I dunno. I’m just… I dunno.” She trailed off. I looked at her for a moment.
“Has anything to do, again, with… what we were talking about earlier?” I asked cautiously.
“Yes. I hate this. I have to end it” She stated. And I knew she meant Carden.
“What are you planning to do?” I inquired, more in the search of advice than anything, really. Cause I didn’t have the slightest clue about what to on my account.
“You’ll know as soon as I do... There. All gorgeous.” She said with a tiny smile, admiring her work. I looked at myself on a mirror and smiled as well. WAY much better than what I was doing!
“My hair now.” I half asked with a chuckle. Nat rolled her eyes and smiled giving a looooong sigh.
“B is so sweet… I know it’s bothering him, but he won’t say shit.” She stopped abruptly and shook her head. “I hope Bill gets a good look at you tonight.” She changed the subject with a giggle. “And you rub it in his face!”
“I actually want to avoid him.” And I wanted to avoid the subject as well, so I changed it back to Brendon. “Have you talked to Bden about the fangirls issue?”
“No...” She simply said, going back to doing my hair.
I paused before asking. I knew it wasn’t something easy to talk about. “Why not?” Nat sighed before answering.
“I don’t know...” She shrugged and then looked at me, pulling a face that certainly amused me. “Why are we talking about me and him again?”
“Cause you’re the one who can actually fix the problem.” I stated, filing my nails. “So let’s try to fix it, so at least one of us does.”
“Fine... you’re right. For once.” She giggled and I smiled to her again.
“Then, why haven’t you tried to talk with Bden about it? I bet he’d understand. Besides he does deserve an explanation for you being so bitchy when you go out.”
“I’ll talk to him… I have a whole lot of making up to do I guess.”
“Besides, after you finally kick Carden’s ass to the curb for being a twat, you can both live happily ever after and have tons of kids.” I said laughing again and making her groan.
“Let’s not go overboard here.” She said giggling along. “There you go…” She added at finishing up with my hair. Looked a lot better too. I liked it when it was straight, at least I didn’t look like a cotton candy. The only thing I didn’t like about it was that it reminded me too much of his haircut.
“Thank you…” I said with another sigh. “But you should... kick him... in the nuts...” At this point I wasn’t so sure who I was referring to.
“Hostile.” She said with a giggle at realizing I didn’t mean Carden. “But you shouldn’t worry about his nuts. Just have fun being Ryan’s trophy tonight. It’ll hurt him worse somewhere else.”
It sounded like a good idea, but knowing myself AND my luck… “What if he shows up… with-- you know.”
“It still works.” Nat said energetically. “He’s with her, being miserable while you look like you’re having the time of your life. WITHOUT HIM.” She pointed out. I raised an eyebrow, wondering if she could do it.
“Yeah. And I’m sure you’ll do the same about Carden.”
“No. I’m just gonna tell him…” Nat took a few seconds to pause and chew on her lip, sitting on the bed. “I’m gonna tell him that I’m in love now and it’ll never work out. I mean, I’m not… yet… but…” I couldn’t help but smile at the confession while she trailed off, picking on the bed comforter.
“You are in love with Bden.” I smirked. “It’s just that you don’t wanna face it.”
“Get out!” She said with a pout. Made me laugh now. “Oh, this is your room. Nevermind.”
“Nat, I’m not very subtle when I wanna say things and you know it. But it’s true, you are in love with him and he’s so in love with you that has spent the last two weeks with no sex. That has to mean something…” Geez, one had to be blind, and deaf, to miss what those two had.
“Oh, my God. Stop changing the subject! You’re going to make me ruin my makeup!” She said prodding her eyes with her fingers.
“See how right I am?” I laughed at her sitting on the bed, arms and legs crossed.
“That said then, you should put that stuttering fool behind you. Because Ry likes you.” She pointed out at the obvious.
“Believe it or not, I’m aware of that. And that’s why I’m being so apprehensive with him.” It was my turn to pick on the comforter. I didn’t wanna fall into another disaster when I hadn’t quite gotten out of the first one.
“Well… tonight is what you need then.” Nat suggested with what she wanted to be a knowing grin.
“Maybe.”
“Good then! Let’s toast to it.” She said giggling and smiling, raiding the minibar. She tossed me a little rum bottle and made me toast with it. “To moving on.”
“To moving on!” I cheered dramatically, making us both laugh.
We were interrupted a moment later by a knock on the door. The guys were picking us up, so I gathered my stuff for the night, key card, smokes, some cash and random make up, while Natalie let Ryan and Brendon in.
“All set, girls?” Bden said, curling his arm around Nat’s waist.
“Yup.” I said straightening up and hanging my purse over my shoulder. I looked at Ryan, who was staring back. “What?”
“Nothing…” He said shaking his head. Nat linked Bden’s hand as they walked out of the room and I went to follow them. “You look… pretty.” Ryan blurted out as I walked pass him.
I stopped and smiled. “Is that supposed to be a compliment?”
“Well, yes.” He said with a nervous chuckle. “That’s what I was going for.”
“Thanks.”
Ryan gave me this crooked smirk that I didn’t know how to read. “You’re very welcome.”
And we stood there just looking at each other, until Bden got his head back in the room. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to bite his head off or thank him for saving us from that awkward moment.
“You either kiss already or move your asses, please.” He said with a chuckle and I heard Nat giggle behind the door.
“Fuck off…” I said linking my arm with Ryan’s.
“Yeah, shut the fuck up and move it.” Ryan said softly and chuckled as the door closed behind us
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| Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 1:21 pm Post subject: |
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Nat’s POV
The club was packed as we all entered together and headed straight for the bar. I felt kinda tense as Bren grabbed up a beer for himself and a pretty mixed drink for me but I tried to act like everything was OK.
“Everything alright babe?” He asked.
“Uh-huh. Fine.” I smiled back, sipping my drink.
“Good. I want you to enjoy tonight. You haven’t been yourself lately.”
“I know, and about that...” I began before being interrupted by Shane coming over and slipping an arm around Bren’s neck.
“Two minutes, Natty. I promise.” He said, blowing a kiss in my direction as he dragged my boyfriend away, both of them laughing. I giggled and waved them off, taking down the rest of my drink.
“Is that her?”
“I think it is.”
“Yeah that’s her. Hmpf, she ain’t that pretty.”
“She’s cute. She looks like she’s mixed with something.”
“Yeah, mutt.”
I sighed and tried to ignore the giggling, bitchy groupies lingering on the left side of me. It was painfully obvious they were talking about me, and it was taking everything I had in me not to say anything in response.
“Hey, Nat! Get over here!” I heard Spencer call. So I picked up my drink and smirked at them smugly before leaving the bar.
On the way over, my eyes scoured the crowd, coming to a halt when I spotted Mike, Bill and Adam huddled in a corner with Wentz and a few others. My heart started beating like crazy and I took a deep breath to calm myself down.
I urged myself to move, because Spencer was still waving for me and my drink was on the verge of falling from my sweaty palm. But I couldn’t. I was frozen completely still like a deer in headlights. I stood there, unmoving, breath only rushing back through my clouded lungs as Taylor appeared from nowhere and pulled me by the arm.
“Oh, what the fuck.” I breathed, gulping down my drink and placing the glass on a tray one of the servers passing by was carrying. “I don’t even know what the hell just happened.”
“What are you talking about?” Taylor asked. And then I nodded in the other band’s direction. “Oh, I see.” She answered choking a little.
“Yeah, exactly.” I answered dryly.
“Okay, don’t let him bother you. C’mon, the guys are waiting.” She replied, taking a deep breath herself and leading the way back to the table.
“Jeez, it took you girls long enough.” Spence joked, scooting over in the booth to make room for us. Taylor slid in next to Ry, and I sat in between her and Brendon.
“Sorry,” I smiled awkwardly. “It’s packed in here.” B slipped an arm around my shoulders and I flinched unintentionally.
“Hey, hey, what’s the matter?” He asked.
“N-nothing...” I replied.
“Okay.” He replied, smiling feebly and kissing my cheek. I cringed, shrugging him off of me, but I swear I didn’t mean to. It was almost as if I didn’t have control over myself. He huffed and slid his hands under the table and I could feel everyone else’s eyes on us.
“Ahem,” Ryan cleared his throat. “Another round?” He chuckled awkwardly.
“Yeah, sure.” I sighed. Now I was feeling bad that I’d embarrassed his friends. Really bad. I looked over at Taylor helplessly. I was fucking losing it, and looking for a bailout. Quick. She shrugged sympathetically and I had to get out. I needed to get some fresh air in my lungs soon or else I would...
“Hello you guys.”
A soft, australian accent sounded over my head, and I looked up into the blue eyes, wild maned Michael Chislett. With Carden beside him. Oh, for fuck’s sake…
The boys greeted each other somberly and I could feel my body grow rigid under Mike’s gaze. While they mostly made small talk, I noticed Brendon looking at me. He’d totally picked up on the tension and uncomfortableness I was feeling.
“Wow, you girls are looking beautiful as always. Give us a hug now. It’s been a long time.”
I smiled, but Tay left her seat and allowed Chiz to embrace her closely. Maybe a little too closely. I raised an eyebrow, but didn’t really think too much of it. We’d spent a lot of time with these guys, and hadn’t seen them in over two months.
What I didn’t see then was William, not too far away, watching her every move, including the hug, and looking quite unimpressed.
But Tay hadn’t missed it. She glanced over in his direction before saying, “How I have missed trying to understand you and your accent, Chiz.” With a giggle, making him laugh too.
“How’s my girl, Urie. Taking care of her for me?”
Oh dear god. I could’ve killed him.
Taylor rolled her eyes and glared at him, while I felt like falling through the fucking floor. “Now that is something I don’t miss. To deal with Carden being an ass.”
“More than you ever did.” Brendon said, taking hold of my limp hand.
“Or so you’d like to think. She almost didn’t make it to Italy. Remember that.” Mike smirked.
“Fuck off, before I make you.” Taylor said, shoving him away from the table.
“What?” He laughed, “Just being honest.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” B asked, his eyes wide in shock.
I whimpered and snatched away, leaving the table and shoving past Mike in the process. Once I was out of earshot, I didn’t stop, straight through the crowd, and out of the door.
“Nat?” Came Brendon’s voice calling out to me as I leaned against the brick wall, catching my breath. The brisk night air sent goosebumps all over my body as I was without my coat, but it didn’t matter.
“Nothing happened. Nothing. He just asked me not to go with you, that’s all.”
“And why did you come?” He asked, biting down on his lip, already chapping in the wind.
“Because! I wanted to... You asked me and I wanted to.”
“Then why does he still bother you so much?” He asked softly.
“I don’t... know,” I sighed. “I really don’t.” I said, shaking my head sadly.
“Nat-” He said, shifting his body. A hand ran through his hair and I stared at him through increasingly blurry eyes.
I whimpered, then covered my mouth automatically with my hand, shoving impending sobs back down my throat and shrugged instead of answering.
“I-I... We can’t...” He stopped in the middle of his sentence and huffed. “I thought that thing was over.”
“It is,” I said, through tear-brimmed eyes, my whole body unknowingly shivered from the cold. “Brendon, it is.”
“Then why does he still affect you so much?” He stared pacing and I chewed my lips as I watched. The tears that had been threatening to fall escaped, falling freely down my reddened cheeks and nose. “I can’t- Nat, we can’t keep going like this, I mean whatever he told you before we left… Maybe you should have stayed.” He looked down at the ground, shuffling his foot in the snow and I covered my face with both hands.
“Don’t say that. Am I your mistake, Bren? Because you aren’t mine. He is.” I cried.
“Of course you’re not a mistake! Dammit! If I asked you to come it’s because I wanted ‘us’ to happen. I wanted it to work.” He exclaimed, pacing back and forth again.
I wrapped my arms around myself and watched him dejectedly. I had no more fight left in me, and wanted more than anything to be in his arms again. “So what do we do?”
“The question is, what do you do Nat? You tell me that it’s over but yet you’re still not over him.”
“It’s not him- It’s just, other stuff. And insecurities...” I mumbled back.
“Then explain what is it?” Brendon asked, peering at me with sad eyes. “I can’t go on not knowing why you’re so... cold with me.”
I sighed hard, taking a deep breath before I continued, teeth chattering. “They hate me. They write horrible things about me and even tonight, a girl called me a mutt. I mean, maybe I’m not blond enough, or just not enough. I don’t know! What if you wake up one day and decide you don’t- and then I’m...” I trailed off and turned away. I couldn’t take much more of this. If he was going to end it, I’d rather he get it over with.
It was silent for a while, but I couldn’t bring myself to turn back around. “The fans? I can’t believe you’re actually letting them get to you.”
“You don’t understand. Everyone loves Bden. Everyone loves to rip Bden’s poor girlfriend to bits.” I almost chuckled, because it sounded ridiculous coming out, but it was how I felt. Sorta.
He shook his head in frustration, I guessed. “And you think I share their opinion? Dude, those girls love making up scandals for everything. That’s why I don’t bother checking out those places anymore. If you’re willing to put their feelings over mine though, suit yourself. That’s what’s important, isn’t it?”
I frowned when he crossed his arms. “No.” I pouted, standing there silent for an awkward minute. “I’m sorry.”
“Well, right now I don’t know if that’s enough.” He answered, again, kicking the snow on the ground.
“Ok.” I closed my eyes in acceptance and nodded, reopening them immediately and hoisting myself off the wall arms folded, heading back into the club.
“Nat,” He sighed, approaching me from behind. I stopped, but didn’t turn around. “Look, I...”
“What?” I asked, facing him again, revealing the new tears swelling behind my eyelids.
“I really like you Nat, and I really wanna be with you, I do but...” He sighed then, cupping my chin in one hand and biting down on his chapped bottom lip. “But I think- I think you need to fix other shit right now. So,” He took a deep breath… “Call me when you do.” My breath caught in my throat and I nodded quickly as he stepped back, shoving his hand down in his pockets. I turned my back, leaving him standing there alone as I ran back into the building.
I pushed and prodded my way through the crowd, back to our abandoned table, where I found Taylor still sitting there with Ry. I could barely look them in the eye as I grabbed my coat and swung it on quickly.
“Gotta go.” I mumbled to them both, sniffing hard and rubbing at my eyes with the corner of one of my sleeves. I didn’t look back, I didn’t care to. All I knew is that I needed to get out of there. Away from him, away from both of them.
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| Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 1:30 pm Post subject: |
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William’s POV
I’ve been waiting for this night for over a week now. When Pete told us about the club and Panic’s break I knew this was my chance. And my only chance. Cause I knew Taylor well enough to know she wouldn’t meet me out of the nowhere, even if I asked. I knew she’d try to avoid me all together. So my only hope was to trust in Ross’ ability to bring her here. Fortunately (?), he didn’t fail.
I didn’t know if I should be grateful or jealous, but I was a little of both. When Mike and Chislett went to say hi I was about to go, but sheer nervousness didn’t let me. Carden called me a whimp cause of it. But he didn’t understand… or maybe he did, but he still has more balls. And I WILL deny I ever said that.
I watched carefully at the guys’ every move, including Chislett’s hug with Taylor and then the not-so-friendly shove she gave Carden. I assumed he did something stupid, cause Nat rushed out of there clearly upset and Brendon followed swiftly.
After being rudely shoved off by Taylor, both came back to the table.
“Not even asking…” Michael said with a chuckle and got another beer. At looked at Carden raising an eyebrow.
“What?” He said gulping down his own beer. I just crossed my arms. “Don’t look at me like that.” He shrugged.
“What did you do to piss her off, Mike?”
“I didn’t say anything to your precious Taylor, Bill. She was minding my business. As usual.”
“No, she was getting defensive on Nat’s account.” I said looking at my glass. “And I was talking about Nat anyways. Not Taylor.”
“She looked miserable. I just wanted to let her know it could all be avoided.” I watched him sip his beer again with a half smirk on his face. I shook my head, how could he just do things when I freeze up every half a second?
“How do you do that?”
“How do I do what?” He looked at me curiously.
“Just-- DO things... not-” I stopped and huffed, rubbing my face. “Act like you don’t care...”
“Oh.” Mike straightened up and set the beer on the table. “I don’t know. Good actor I guess?” He kind of explained and rubbed the back of his neck.
“I wish I could do that.” I mumbled. Mike sighed and shook his head in my direction.
“No, you don’t. At least you can express yourself.” He stated, sipping his beer again. “I do this, because I don’t know how.”
I was about to reply when Adam came to the table, followed my Gabe and Ryland. I shrugged off the awkwardness of the whole situation and started talking like nothing was ever wrong. But I barely followed whatever the guys were talking about, I was too busy watching her. She was wearing make up, something she rarely does, and her hair was straightened down. And she was smiling… Why wouldn’t she detach from Ross? Maybe I should just go and ask if I could talk to her, yeah, I should do that and get this over with.
Okay, I AM a whimp… I don’t wanna do this in front of everybody.
I was rattling the ice left in my glass, when I caught her again with the corner of my eye and realized she was standing up. I watched a couple of seconds before noticing Ross wasn’t going with her and she was actually heading for the bathroom. And uncontrollably, my heart started pounding.
It seems I’m a wimp and also a girl now.
Time to follow her; it’s now or never, I encouraged myself before trudging to the catwalk where I saw her disappear and waited on the dark side of the bathroom’s door till she finally came out.
“What the--” Taylor managed to curse when I grabbed her wrist and pulled her to my somber little corner. “It’s you.” She said snatching her hand back and turning to leave. But I didn’t let her.
“Taylor. Please… just- listen to me? Please…” I realize it’s a pathetic thing to beg, but at this point I was willing to do anything.
“I have nothing to hear from you.”
“You do. Christine--”
“Oh, fuck. You think I wanna hear about-- her?” She said rising her voice.
“Taylor, please… I have to-- just--” There’s only a few times a week when I hate dealing with my stuttering problem; this is definitively one of them. I grabbed both of her arms now and trapped her against the wall. “Just listen.” Taylor, as I had expected, started struggling back, cursing and slapping my arms. “The baby is not mine!” I blurted out and she stopped.
“What?” She asked in disbelief.
“Christine’s baby is not mine. I went with her to the OB and… the dates don’t-- she had someone else and got pregnant before I was here.” Taylor just stared with no real emotion in her expression and I let go of her arms.
“How could she--” She questioned out loud, more like a voiced thought than an actual question, but it still made me smile. “I’m going to kill her… rip her hair off… She can’t--” She kept ranting on, but I lost track of what she was saying. All I could think of was how happy it made me to see her getting like this because of me… and I couldn’t help myself.
I cupped her face in my hands and interrupted her rant with a kiss, cautious at first, then a little harder at her lack of resistance. I was able then to curl my arm around her waist and pull her closer, deepening the kiss. Only then I felt her relax in my embrace, timidly curling her hand on my neck and threading my hair with her fingers, her other hand resting right beneath my shoulder.
“I missed you…” I managed to mumble between kisses, afraid that if I stopped she’d leave. “I missed you so much…”
We were full on making out now, pressed against the wall, and all I could think was in how I could make her come home with me and never leave. But I didn’t have time to figure it out, as Taylor pushed me away from her making me nearly bounce on the opposite wall.
“You-” She said pointing and looking at me through glazed eyes. “You just can’t--” She gulped.
“What?”
“You can’t do this.” She said shaking her head. “You just can’t come and--” She turned around, running a hand through her hair.
“Tay, I’m sorry…” I ventured, reaching for her. But she stepped back.
“No.” Taylor said firmly. “You can’t just come here and wait for me to say it’s okay and forget everything that happened!”
“I made a mistake, a huge mistake…” I tried to explain myself, but it was worthless.
“No, you made a choice, William. And you chose her. Just cause she’s-- whatever…” She said biting her lip. “I’m still your side dish, don’t you get it? I don’t want that. You--”
I cornered her again against the wall. “Told you, I made a mistake. I shouldn’t have let you go in the first place.”
“That’s not enough.” Taylor stared at me coldly. She didn’t even attempt to shove me off, but that look in her eyes was all it took to make me step back and release her.
“Then what is it? What would be enough?”
She shook her head. “I-I don’t know. But an apology isn’t gonna make it.”
Said that, she hoisted herself from the wall and walked away. From me… again… left me standing there, staring after her steps.
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| Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 1:32 pm Post subject: |
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Ryan’s POV
I cleared my throat again, sitting awkwardly at the table alone, wondering what was happening with Brendon, who hadn’t returned yet, Nat, who stormed out of the club with her coat and purse. And now Taylor, whom I’d (Accidentally, thank you. I don’t spy) seen speaking with William in the corner. I hated her being so close to him. He didn’t deserve another chance or her conversation as far as I was concerned. The greatest fear I had was that he would somehow get back into her good graces before I had the balls to make my move. I sighed, and before I knew it, Taylor returned to sit beside me, visibly upset.
“Are you OK?” I asked casually. She shook her head. “What happened?”
She sighed and said, “William happened.” With a rub of her face. That much I knew, so I decided to press a little further.
“Wanna talk about it? What’d he do?”
“He-” She paused and sighed again while I waited with baited breath. “The baby, it’s not his.”
My jaw dropped and I looked at her from under my eyelashes. She was staring down at the table, twisting and tearing apart a paper napkin. “So… how do you feel?”
“I have no idea.” She replied, looking at me.
“I guess, uh… You’ll be patching things up soon then…”
“You think-” Taylor began, raising an eyebrow. “You think after all that’s happened I’ll be back with him at a snap of his fingers?” She shook her head. “Ryan-”
“I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant… I know you care for him, Taylor. And yeah he did some shitty stuff, but it’s not like he’s Carden or anything.” My own insecurities were coming through and I didn’t know why I was asking when I really didn’t want to know. But I needed to.
“He made a choice and screwed up. I don’t feel like being his easy way out. And it won’t give me back the last two months of my life.”
I nodded. “So now that’s over. For now-” I covered her hand with one of my own. “Let me get you another drink. You still look upset.”
“Thanks…” She said with a smile, and then looked around slightly. “Bden still hasn’t come back?”
I shook my head and ordered her another rum and coke. “Not yet. He would’ve said something is he was leaving I guess.”
“I’m worried about Nat, though.” She nodded and gulped down half of her drink. “And why aren’t you socializing?”
I smiled and chuckled in her direction. “I’m fine just where I am. Besides, if anyone wants to find me, they can see I’m right here. With you. Now do you want to call her or something?”
Taylor wrinkled her nose and I bit my lip, holding back a small smile. It was cute. “I’d better do that. And you should find Brendon, before you have to carry him back to the hotel.”
“Are you going to be OK alone?”
“I’ll be fine. Just paging Nat. Besides, it won’t take you long to find him…” She smiled, pointing towards the bar.
I sighed and shook my head, sliding out of the chair and ruffling the hair at my nape. She looked so defeated and I just wanted to put my arms around her forever. We were friends, and I wanted more, but I didn’t want to rush her. It would happen when the time was right. Whenever that was. “Going to talk to him. Be right back.”
I put an arm around Brendon’s shoulder when I got to him while he knocked back another shot glass filled with god knows what. “Easy partner.” I told him. He groaned. “Is it that bad?”
He didn’t answer, just put his head down on the bar.
“Where did she go? Taylor’s worried.”
“Fuck Ryan, I don’t know. Probably back to the hotel. Probably gone by now. Definitely leaving me.” Brendon mumbled miserably.
I wanted to ask questions. Did they fight? Were they over now? Instead I just patted his back. He didn’t need the third degree, just a friend. “Maybe you should go back to your room too. At least there it’s safe for you to get trashed.”
“Fine.” He groaned and lifted himself up. I led him back to the table where Taylor sat, whispering on the phone and waited for her to end the call.
“Hey, B wants to go back to the hotel, you wanna ride with?” I asked her.
She nodded. “Sure, why would I want to stay here alone?” I chuckled and almost reminded her that Jon and Spence were both still cavorting around somewhere, but I bit my tongue because I knew my friend is stewing in his misery. Taylor tried her best to act normally, but I kept catching her stealing glances in Brendon’s direction. He sighed and rubbed his palms over his face, and I peeled my eyes off of Taylor to tell him that we’re ready. I put an arm around her shoulder, pulling her close after helping her into her coat, fully aware that William was still watching from his corner booth as we walked out.
.~
Nat’s POV
As soon as I got back to the hotel I packed all my shit and booked myself another room. After a nice, hot bath I still didn’t feel any better, but Taylor called and said that they were on the way back. I told her I’d left Brendon’s room, and peeped out of the door to tell her what the new number was.
“Be right there.” She’d said, and I crawled onto the bed and curled into a ball with the TV blasting to wait.
A soft knock sounded at the door a while later and I dragged myself over to open it.
“Come in,” I said, opening the door a little to let Taylor in, and moving back to bed and laying across it, snuggling a pillow.
“Hey, what’s up?”
Now the first thing I noticed about Taylor was her red eyes. What called my attention to it is the wiping of them with her shirt sleeve.
“Hangin’.” I shrugged. “What happened? What’s up with you?”
She smiled and shook her head. “Nothing.” She took her coat off then and tossed it onto the back of a nearby chair and sat down. “I just helped Ryan get a very drunk Bden in bed. What happened?”
I sighed heavily and looked up at the ceiling. “He broke it off with me. Said I needed to get my shit together. I tried talking out of it, but…” I sighed again. “Mike… the deal breaker.”
Taylor smiled sympathetically, but she always smiled that way when she was about to read me, or tell me what I needed to hear. “I think he’s right, Nat. You need to work this shit out with Carden. He can’t keep affecting you this much. I mean, what happened tonight… I was about to shove my fist down his throat.”
“I really like Brendon though. So I don’t get why this is happening. I don’t even know where to start to fix things, or get over it, or anything, really.”
Taylor sighed, and we were both silent for a while before she spoke up again. “Let’s see… Why is it that Mike still makes you go stupid?”
I chuckled, shook my head and covered my face. “That’s exactly it, I don’t know! I wish I could explain it, I really do. Maybe it’s his cocky attitude…” I said, biting my fingernail.
“Or you like him.”
I glanced at Tay like she’d just told me the most ridiculous joke I’ve ever heard. “No. No. No, no, no.” I replied defiantly. “Brendon. Brendon is who I like.”
“Are you sure?” Taylor asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Yes! I’m crazy about him… I’m wondering now how I’m going to fall asleep tonight without his hair tickling my nose, and his arms and legs wrapped around me some kind of cute little spider monkey…” I trailed off with a smile. “But then…” I sighed. “What do I do Tay? And you’re such a liar, you look like you need to talk too…” I added softly.
“I can wait. I don’t have a drunk off his ass boyfriend to make it up to.” She sighed.
“But you could…” I replied slowly. “Err, not to make shit up to, but you know, just to have?”
“Have what, exactly? A boyfriend?”
“I think that’s what I mean, yes.” I chuckled.
“No.” She replied, shaking her head.
“OK… and since you’re obviously not ready to talk to me. What do you think I should do? I’m this close to flying home in the AM.” I said, holding my index finger and thumb about an inch apart.
Taylor bit her lip. “Well, I’d say kill Carden and get rid of the problem completely but I don’t think you’d be up for that.” She chuckled and paused; “Talk to Bden. Try and make him understand how you feel. He’ll help. And tell him you’re in love with him. He deserves to know.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m not in love.” I said firmly. “So not in love.” I repeated, already imagining the romantic backdrop for our reunion and I couldn’t wait.
“Not in love my ass, Natalie!” Taylor laughed hard. “You better wash your face and go see him, before he’s too far gone to recognize you.”
I smiled. “I don’t want to leave you like this. It’s not fair.”
She looked down and picked at a loose string on the comforter. “I just happened to find out… tonight… that Christine’s baby-”
I stared blankly, waiting for her to continue. “Christine’s baby… what?”
“It isn’t Bill’s. She was cheating on him.”
“Holy fucking shit! He told you that?”
“Yeah…” Taylor nodded.
I was dumbstruck. She might say that I’m that way all the time. But seriously, I didn’t know what to say right then. “And what are you going to do now?”
“Nothing.” She replied, shaking her head sadly. “I mean, we- he kissed me, but I ended up pushing him away and told him I wasn’t willing to be his second choice anymore. It’s not fair.”
I nodded. “You’re absolutely right. Fuck him. You can do much better. Don’t let him suck you down that road again. That’s what I plan to do. I have no right to lecture, but seriously… We can both drink to moving on.”
Taylor was not as amused or enthusiastic as I was at my last sentence. “You need to go make up with your boyfriend, and I need a few sleeping pills.” She said.
I nodded. “Go and get your pills,” I got up off the bed. “And thank you. Go rest.”
She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, yeah whatever. Get up, wash your face, fix your hair and shit. I want to see you both smiling again tomorrow. Although Brendon will have one hell of a hangover…”
I frowned. “Is he really that drunk? Poor baby. I’m going to him right now.”
“He is.” She stands up and gets her jacket. “Hope you get there before he starts throwing up. Or else Ryan’ll get sick too and you’ll have to deal with them both.”
I groaned as I headed in the bathroom and I heard Tay sneaking out of the door. Wondering just how hard this was going to be.
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| Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 3:01 pm Post subject: |
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Ch.6: She’s so naive to think she’d be capable
Taylor’s POV
It felt weird. Not knowing how to feel… I’m torn between feeling absolutely happy that I have a chance back, that I can now make it happen with William and at the same time I still wanna bite his head off, spit it and then run a car over it or something. I was still now his second choice, he only wanted me back cause Christine turned out to be a whore.
As soon as I came back to my room I started searching for my sleeping pills. I knew I shouldn’t mix them with the booze, but I didn’t feel drunk and I really needed to stop thinking in order to sleep. So as I changed into my pjs (which are the unsexiest pjs in the whole history of mankind), I roamed my suitcase to find them… and I didn’t. That’s when I heard a knock on the door. A knock that gave my stomach butterflies. I already knew who it was and for a second he had slipped out of my mind.
“Hey!” I said at opening the door. Ryan was standing there, hands in his pockets.
“Hey. Feel like company?” He said and I smiled.
“Guess Bden’s room is busy…” I said letting him inside and closing the door behind him.
“They’re talking.” He said with a shrug as he walked in. “Feeling any better?”
I sighed and sat on the bed. “No, but I will… eventually… hopefully.” Ryan sat by my side and smoothed my hair down.
“Need a hug?” He said with a tiny cute smile.
I smiled back, feeling the butterflies again. “Maybe I do.”
Okay, it wasn’t like we haven’t been sleeping (and I mean SLEEPING) together since I joined him on tour, but still every time he dropped by my room it made me all… giddy? Ryan looked at me and extended his arms, making me cuddle in his chest, stroking my back slowly. It was nice to be like this with him… I sighed and he moved my hair from my forehead, kissing it tenderly. Made me sigh again, but for a whole different reason.
“I’m tired…” I said breaking the contact and crawling inside the bed. I watched him then. “You’re invited, by the way.” I said with a chuckle. A nervous chuckle may I add. Ryan stripped down to his boxer briefs and tank top and crawled inside the bed by my side.
“I accept the invitation.” Once there, he wrapped his arms around me. “Good?”
“Perfect.”
Ryan snuggled me a little closer and I settled my head on his arm. I have to admit it felt great as I tangled my legs in his and just relaxed between his arms. I wished I didn’t have Bill in the back of my mind, it was the only thing that kept me from fully enjoying the moment. And moving along with the moment too. Ryan must have been thinking something similar when I felt his lips softly graze the skin of my neck, right under my ear. I did nothing but to gasp as he did it again.
“Should I stop?” He whispered, nuzzling my neck and trapping my lobe with his lips. I was afraid he’d ask that. Seriously, why must they make ME pick? Make ME stop?
“You should…” I gulped and stared at him. He blinked and stared back for a second, before going back and kiss my neck on the same spot.
“Are you sure? I just want to make you feel better…” He breathed out. “Can I?” He asked, with pleading eyes, looking straight at me. I bit my lip harder, stealing glances at his lips, so tempted to say yes… but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. So I said nothing.
Ryan took only half of a second to decide what to do though, and knocked out all thoughts from my mind when he kissed me. Slow and gentle, his thumb stroking my cheek as the kiss deepened. Ryan rolled us over, so I was straddling him. That’s when I pulled away.
“Ryan--”
“Sshh…” He shushed me before I could keep going and kissed me again. But I couldn’t let this get out of hand. I knew I had to take care of other things first… it wasn’t fair to him. I pulled away again.
“I can’t… we can’t--”
“Yes, we can.” He kissed me again. “And I know you want to.”
“That’s not the point.” I managed to let out before he rolled us over again, so he was now hovering over me, his body flush against mine. How much I wanted to just loosen up and go with it…
“Forget about him for now…” He whispered with yet another kiss. “Deal with it tomorrow.” His kisses traveled to my neck then, his hand playing and pulling the hem of my shirt.
“And what about us tomorrow?”
“Doesn’t matter.” He spoke now with his forehead against mine, looking straight into my eyes. “I know you’ll come back.” He kissed me sweetly and I couldn’t stop the smile.
“How do you know that?” I asked and he smiled back.
“Cause you haven’t stopped me…”
He had a point there. But still wasn’t quite enough. Either way I was able to wrap my arms around him, threading his hair.
“What if I’m just using you then? To forget about him.” I said as if he’d stop kissing and sucking my neck.
He didn’t. “What if I don’t care?” He said staring at me so hard that I could feel what he meant. I wish I had his certainty.
Ryan kissed me again, sliding his hands under my shirt and stroking my belly. And I started my internal fight. I’d by lying if I say that I don’t want this to happen. But I’d be lying too if I say that I don’t want Bill back. So what to do? Apparently I have chances with both and, even if my heart and pride are broken on Bill’s account, I can’t just choose.
Still, I was going with it, letting Ryan get me worked up, his hands stroking their way up my belly till one of them timidly cupped my breast and pinched my nipple. I gasped and broke the kiss, pushing him up.
“I can’t do it.”
Ryan panted as he sat up on his knees. “Tay…”
“I’m sorry, Ryan. But I can’t.” I sat up on the bed as well, bringing my knees to my chest and refused to look at him. It was ridiculous, I wanted this bad enough and still refused to have it just cause I had issues.
“Taylor…” Ryan repeated without moving. “I want this and I know you do too. I don’t care if you still have to deal with William--”
“And if I don’t come back?” I said looking at him, fighting the tears. “What if I let this happen and I don’t come back?”
Ryan tensed up. “You mean, you’ll--”
“I said what IF. What if tomorrow I go back to him?” I explained with the most serious face I could manage. Ryan said nothing, simply sighed and looked down for a while.
“Then you will get back with him.”
“I don’t know… that’s why I have to deal with it yet. Cause I wouldn’t even be here if I’d decided that already and I would’ve let you keep going if I’d chosen the other way around.”
I buried my head between my arms, feeling seriously ill. I felt the bed move and I assumed Ryan was getting off, so I just kept my face hidden, waiting to hear the door before I started crying. But that never happened. Ryan knelt closer and hugged me, kissing the top of my head.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed you.” He sighed and just then went to retrieve from the bed.
“Wait…” I stopped him, grabbing his wrist. “You don’t have to leave. I mean--” I looked at him then, wiping the single tear running down my face.
“Want me to stay?” He asked softly and I simply nodded. “Kay…”
Ryan sat awkwardly on the bed and I looked at him for a second. I sighed defeated, hating William even more now, and rolled to my side, curling into a ball with my back to Ryan. I squeezed my eyes shut and I bit my lip hard enough for it to start bleeding.
“Don’t do that.” Ryan said startling me. He has hovering over, looking at my lip. “Come here.”
Said that, he wrapped his arms around me and held me securely against his chest, where his heart beats lulled me to sleep.
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| Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 3:02 pm Post subject: |
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Ch.7: Look like a lush, talk like a tease
Nat’s POV
I didn’t know how I let Taylor talk me into doing shit I didn’t really want to do all the time. My tummy began to twist in knots as I boarded the elevator back up to Brendon’s room. I hadn’t fully worked out what I was going to say to him, and there didn’t seem to be enough time to work it out. I sighed when I got to the door, reaching into my coat pocket for the card key I’d failed to give back to the receptionist and slipped it into the lock.
“B?” I asked once I was inside, letting the door shut quietly behind me.
“Ugghh, I told you I want to be alone, Zack…” I heard him grumble from the bed. He was lying in complete darkness, and sounded a little, sad?
“Brendon,” I said again. “It’s Natty.”
“Nat? I thought you’d left.” He answered. Through the gold of the street lamp seeping through the drawn curtains, I thought I saw him sit up to face me.
“I was going to, I mean…” I paused and bit my lip. “I couldn’t get a flight out before tomorrow.”
“Oh. So you were leaving me…” He paused, lying back down on the bed. “What are you doing here then, came to say goodbye?”
I sighed hard, and began to chew my lip.
“What else am I supposed to do, B? I actually came back to try and talk--” I said sighing again, standing there, frigid.
He sat up again and rubbed at his eyes. My heart sank because I knew then he was just as upset as I was. I rubbed my forehead and squeezed my eyes shut, glad it was too dark for me to see his face. “OK, then talk…”
“This is not how I wanted things to go. I don’t even know what to say. I feel like… I dunno, I’m crazy about you and this hurts!”
“You already know how much I care about you and how much I want this to work, but I can’t do it alone.”
I started biting my fingernails when he looked into my eyes. It was quiet for another minute, the heater blowing softly between our breathing in the background.
“I do too.” I said finally, in a small voice.
“You do what?” He asked me, confused.
“I want to make this work,” I groaned. “I packed all my shit, changed rooms, thinking I could just go and everything would be OK and it’s not. All I can think about is you. That’s why I’m here…”
I lifted my head as he crawled closer. “Then help me make it work.” He said, with a sniffle.
I lazily covered his hand with mine, smiling and feeling much like we’d jumped back into the middle school time machine. His eyes were red, and I felt like melting, crying and kissing every little freckle on his face all at once.
“So I should stay then?”
“Why would I want you to leave, Nat?” Brendon replied, tugging me closer and pressing his forehead to mine. “We’ll make it work, right?”
“Of course we will.”
I kissed the tip of his nose, dragging my lips down to his, kissing there gently and pausing, waiting for his reaction. Was it too soon? Would he turn me away?
He didn’t. He kissed me back, adding gentle pressure and tugging at my bottom lip with his teeth.
“So, two weeks is a long time,” I said, trailing off as he slipped me his tongue, massaging it against mine and cupping my face.
“A REALLY long time.” He said with a pout playing at his lips.
“Seems as though I have some making up to do…” I smiled and pulled my arms out of my coat, letting it fall behind me. “Where should I start?”
“Wherever you want.” He said as he leaned his body over mine, forcing me back. He smirked and gave me a kiss so deep it took my breath away.
“Tell me.” I whispered.
“Tell you what?”
“Tell me what you want- what you want to do to me.” I replied licking along his earlobe as he buried his chin into my neck. “Brendon, tell me.” I said, thrusting my lower half up towards him teasingly.
He groaned, making a low, growl-like whimper in his throat that I was anxious to bring out. “I want… you -” He began, groaning again as I moved my hand up the back of his shirt, sliding it over his warm skin.
“Well I know that, silly!” I giggled, voice low and seductive.
“I want- inside you,” Brendon continued raspily, desire dripping off of every syllable.
“You want me to make you cum?” I purred, grinding and raising my hips.
“Yes! Yes! Fuck yes, Nat.” He exclaimed, reclaiming my lips. We kissed hard until we were both breathless and he cupped and squeezed my boobs over my clothes.
“First, strip me.” I demanded with a sly smile, pulling away from him.
Brendon moaned and pounced, mouth attached to my neck while unzipping my dress and sliding it off my shoulders. As soon as the top half fell to my waist, Brendon pushed my bra down and his mouth covered my right nipple, sucking it hard. “Now, now, baby.” I said, pushing him away gently.
“What?” Brendon panted, eyes glazed.
“Your job is to get me undressed. If you manage to keep your lips off…” I kissed him softly, letting my lips linger over his. “The better I’ll make it later.”
He eagerly continued, pulling the dress down to my ankles. My bra and slip were next so I was left in my four inch heels and lacy, navy blue panties. Brendon was now sitting on the edge of the bed, feeling me, rubbing his hands up and down my legs. “Come lay down.” He said softly. I complied, and he kissed my knees and thighs while working my underwear down my hips. He was taking control, and I was like putty in his hands.
“No. Leave those the fuck on.” He demanded with a smirk when I started to kick my shoes off.
“Well then.” I chuckled.
He grinned deviously. “Now, you strip me.”
I wasted no time, pressing my naked body against him as I pulled at his clothes, tossing them down to the floor. Brendon shivered and moaned when I finally wrapped my hand around his cock, squeezing and pumping slowly. My eyes never left his, even as I slid down and replaced my hand with my lips and tongue. He moaned my name and I glanced up to give him another smoldering look. The deep, guttural moan he’d been suppressing spilled from his delicious mouth as he bucked his hips against my face. “Unhhhhhh,” He groaned.
“Mmm…” I hummed in response around his girth.
“D-don’t stop, babe,”
But I had no plans to. Everything about him was turning me on. From his taste, to the panting and moaning, the urgency of his thrusts… He wanted his release so badly, but I took my time getting him off, rolling my tongue along the underbelly of his shaft. I licked up, down, up and back down again, fingernails grazing his thighs. The hair on his legs was coarse rubbing against the smoothness of my own, but I didn’t mind. You could have told me there was a fire in the next room right then and I wouldn’t have budged. I was so fucking hot I thought I would explode. I needed him inside me. Craved him. So I relaxed my throat and took him down, sucking at him hard until I felt his tummy tremble.
“I’ve got you now, don’t I baby?” I smirked confidently, flicking my tongue across his tip. Brendon grunted and twitched, guiding my head back to where he needed it until I was swallowing his length. The sound I heard after that could only be described as animalistic as he shuddered and emptied his load down into my esophagus without my permission.
Not that I minded of course, especially since now it was my turn…
Brendon gave me a predatory stare after he’d regained control of his motor skills and started kissing me, hard. I smiled into the kiss, allowing him to slide his tongue around, getting a nice taste of himself in the process. I licked at the tip of his tongue as he stroked the breast closest to his reach. “You like that? Cause that’s what you’re about to get.” He added. I whimpered softly, aching in anticipation because, gracious fuck, the boy could eat some pussy.
He raised an eyebrow, smirking and rolling me over, looking down at me knowingly before moving stealthlike down my chest, flicking his tongue across each nipple, and sucking them equally. I laid back on the pile of pillows, watching as my insides throbbed for attention. He raked his teeth across each nipple, slowly moving back down on me, massaging my thighs. I sighed, and he sat up, yanking one of the pillows away and slipping it underneath my backside. He spread my legs, making sure to caress each thigh, each calf, and then licked at my knees. The black heels were still in place, and he grinned. “So fucking hot.”
I smiled.
He snuggled his face in between my spread legs, inhaling deeply. He kissed the inside of my thighs wetly, while rolling my nipples in his fingers. My breathing increased and I inhaled sharply when the tip of his tongue darted out and touched me. He licked a finger and traced it over my shaven skin, dipping it between the creases.
“Fuck, you smell so damn good, I can’t wait to taste you. I’m gonna do it right now, Nat.” B whispered huskily, lining his finger up at my opening. I hissed and bucked my hips, and he used two fingers to part my lips, gently, letting his tongue swirl over them. He kissed and licked everywhere but where I wanted him to, teasing me. It was so unfair. I moved my hand into his hair, and let it rest at the back of his neck, stroking lightly. I moaned as another nimble finger found its way inside me.
“Uh, baby!” I exclaimed as he moved it in and out, adding a second after a few thrusts. His tongue was back at work now, roaming across my flesh, as his fingers curled up against my g-spot. He flattened his tongue and pressed the tip it to my clit. “Brendon!” I gasped. I felt dizzy, high almost, but ten times better than I did after hotboxing the bus bathroom with B and Spencer late at night.
He was relentless with his sucking and nibbling and licking, seemingly getting off on it even more than I was because when he paused to readjust himself I could tell he was already hard again.
“Fucking hell, I’m gonna cum!” I shrieked his fingers and tongue working double time. My nipples stiffened achingly under his touch, nails digging into his shoulders as my orgasm rocked me from head to sparkly, purple painted toes. My muscles clenched tightly as I pushed down harder onto his fingers, and Brendon sighed contently as he drank from me, the soft tip of his tongue sending tiny aftershocks through my body like lightening bolts.
He smiled and kissed my lips as I came down, nudging my thighs apart and away from his head before sitting up and wiping his mouth and chin with his hand.
I stared at him smiling while I caught my breath, leaning up on my elbows.
“You scared me.” He whispered.
“By coming too hard?” I chuckled.
“No,” He answered, with a shake of his head. “For wanting to leave me.”
“I never wanted to leave, Bren.”
Brendon nodded his head and slid closer, kissing me and running his fingers through my hair, combing them through gently. He got onto his knees, between my legs, and rubbed his manhood against my thigh. I was still all tingly from coming, but I could stand more- wanted more, moaning and arching my body in anticipation.
He held my legs up, and plunged inside me, drawing out a high pitched squeal.
“Fuck,” He cursed. “Are you OK?”
“Yeah, yeahhh keep going.” I replied. He pressed on, filling me completely. “Uhhhh, fuck yes.”
He smirked against my lips and began thrusting slowly, and fuck, it felt amazing. He pulled out completely and worked his way back inside steadily. I moaned loudly as his pumping got harder, so hard that one heel began to fall off, teetering on my foot, so he grabbed it and threw it across the room, followed by the other one. I giggled.
“Thought you said that was hot.”
“Overrated.” He replied, letting my legs down and sliding over my body, I moaned a little at the skin to skin contact and he licked and sucked my neck as he thrust into me. I wrapped my legs around him and squeezed his ass. Brendon whined quietly and pressed his forehead to mine, staring in my eyes. He bit my lower lip, and it was enough to make me come a second time.
“Fuck, Brendon!” I screamed. He began to slow down, taking his time with each stroke, and I realized he was trying to keep from coming as well. I met each of his thrusts, our hips snapping and grinding together, tightening my insides around him, making him moan out loud.
“Shit, Natalie.” He grumbled, his body shaking on top of me. I licked and nipped at his lips and he withdrew without warning, panting and cumming on my stomach.
I giggled.
“What?”
“Nothing,” I said kissing him. “I just need to get cleaned up now.”
“Oh, yeah, sorry. We kinda, forgot--”
“I know.”
We kissed again and he rolled over onto his back. Once free, I escaped to the bathroom to rinse off. I thought a lot while I stood under the sprout, letting the hot water come down over my head. I sighed, relieved that everything was going to be OK. Brendon and I were back together and moving forward. No more Mike…
Mike.
I’d been with Mike in a shower once, twice, a few times- pressed against the tile--
Mike was nothing like Brendon though, he was dominant and headstrong. Confident and a wiseass. Bren was gentle and sweet, caring. I realized that both of them had something I wanted in a guy, and that’s what made it so hard to give it up. I could be faithful to Brendon though, I knew I could. It was just a matter of showing him what I liked, and hoping it would be enough.
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| Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 3:03 pm Post subject: |
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Ch.8: I’ve got myself to blame for this.
Ryan’s POV
It had taken me forever to fall asleep the night before, so it wasn’t much of a surprise that when Taylor shook me awake it was already noon.
“Get up, you’re late.” She said when I was awake and rubbing my eyes. She was already showered and dressed up and was pacing around the room, typing something in her sidekick.
My stomach twisted in a knot, my first thought was William. Then I realized that she could be paging Nat for all I knew and I felt really stupid for over reacting. I scratched my head as I picked up my clothes from last night and noticed one of my jackets lying on a nearby chair. I stared at it confused.
“Zack brought your things earlier.” Taylor said looking at me blankly and pointing to my suitcase on the floor. “Shower. Go.” She added, nudging me towards the bathroom.
I’m a fucking idiot. I truly am… and probably repeating it while hitting my head on the tiles isn’t the best idea either. I showered quickly and got out of the bathroom, still wondering if I should just talk to Taylor about what happened last night. Just tell her how much I wanted to be with her, if the night before wasn’t proof enough. I sat on the bed after I was ready and looked at her, not knowing where to begin explaining myself.
“Tay?”
“Yeah?” She stopped whatever she was doing and looked at me.
“Look, about last night…” I started, rubbing the back of my neck. Taylor shook her head.
“Don’t.”
“Don’t what?”
“Don’t try and say you’re sorry cause I know you’re not.” She said like she was reading my mind. Giving a long sigh she sat on the bed by my side. “I feel like I’m the one who has explaining to do, to be honest.”
“No.” I said covering her hand with mine. “I-- I shouldn’t have pushed you, Tay. I should’ve waited till-- I don’t know…” I sighed and looked down. I’ve always had my way with words, why am I so lost of them right now?
“I do know. But I’m not mad at you for not waiting.” She said with a little smile. “Now, though, I will ask you to do it.”
I nodded. “Okay.”
.~
Taylor’s POV
I knew things would be odd with Ryan, only I didn’t know how much. After an awkward lunch and an even more awkward van ride, I was finally able to walk away from him without looking like I was trying to escape or something. I shrugged it off, as worrying about Ryan would only add to my William headache. So I did exactly what I do when I wanna avoid thinking: got to work. I was in the middle of it when I saw Nat skipping to the post and I couldn’t help but laugh at her.
“I see you made up with Bden…” Nat swooned and smiled widely. I could be spared of the details of that romantic re-encounter though.
“Yeah, we’re cool. What’s up with you?” My smile faded and I drew out a long sigh as an answer. “Oh, God, what happened now?”
“Ryan...” I said vaguely. Nat’s eyes widened.
“Are you and Ryan fighting now? This isn't my fault, is it?” I chuckled at her, cause why would anything about me and Ryan be her fault?
“Not fighting, Nat!” I said shaking my head. “And certainly had nothing to do with you.” I stopped to bite my lip. “We kind of- last night…”
“You and Ryan!?” She almost yelled and I shushed her down. “You-- you know?” She added hand gestures.
“Not exactly…” I said with a pout, the night before coming clear as water in my head. I groaned and went head to table. The last thing I saw was the confused look in her face.
“Well then what? Made out? What happened?”
I took a deep breath and looked at her again, picking on my nails. “We made out and CLEARLY it was going somewhere else… but--” I made a pause to pout, feeling really stupid. “You're going to kill me if I tell you, I know it…”
“And you didn't WHY?” She asked, but I didn’t have to explain, in a few seconds she realized. “Oh, I know. Jeez.” I went head to table again.
“Told you…” It didn't help that in that exact moment, someone interrupted whatever conversation, or lecture, Nat had coming.
“Hey.” I didn't even have to look up to know who it was. So I kept my head down, though I knew Nat was rolling her eyes.
“Do you mind? We're kind of having a conversation here.”
I looked up at the new comer. “What?” William kicked the ground nervously and looked at me.
“Can I talk to you?” He asked. Nat’s eyes became two angry slits as she glared at William.
“Wait, what the fuck? Am I invisible? I said we're talking, so you can take your self-righteous ass right back where you came from until we're fucking done.”
But Bill didn't move and kept ignoring Nat and looking at me. “Taylor...”
“No, seriously, get the fuck out of here, she's working.” Nat added with a groan that then turned into a smug smirk. “Or I can get Ryan and Zack to talk to you… If she wants to talk, she’ll call you.”
“Oh, my God! Nat, shut the fuck up!” Bill snapped and then turned to me again. “5 minutes…” He said. I couldn’t answer though, as Nat snapped right back.
“No! You shut the fuck up and get the fuck out of here, Beckett, I swear to God. Talk on your own fucking time!” Bill stood there, unmoved by Nat’s poking finger on his chest, waiting for what I would say.
“Nat. Calm down, okay?” I couldn't help chuckling, as watching her get like that was really amusing. But I had to stop her. “Just- Calm down and wait here. I’ll be right back.” I looked at William blankly, trying to hide everything his presence made me feel and keeping myself from hitting him, again, as if everything that went down (and didn’t) last night was his fault. Nat sat on the table huffing and folding her arms.
“Fine. Five minutes!” She said not taking her eyes off Bill. “Or I’m sending Zack to get you. I’m counting down and that’s all this fucker gets.”
“I’m sure it will be enough.”
William nodded and followed me as I walked through the venue looking for an empty alley or something.
“What are you doing here?” I asked rudely once we stopped.
“Wanted to talk to you.”
“I seriously have nothing to discuss with you.”
“You do. You have to--” He started, but I wouldn’t let him get away with it. I was still mad about everything, angry at him and more at myself for letting him have this effect on me.
“No, you made your decision, William! Too bad things didn’t turn out as you wanted!”
William paused for a second and bit the inside of his cheek before saying, “If you wanna get technical, you took that decision for me.” It caught me by surprise.
“What you mean?”
“It was you who walked out on me that night.” He stated. “It was you who said I had to take care of it. What was I supposed to do?”
“But I came back, didn’t I? I came back and told you how to fix it.”
“I know. And that was the biggest mistake I’ve ever done, to let you go that night.” William spoke softly, looking straight into my eyes. “It never had anything to do with Christine and the baby. I just didn’t wanna admit it.”
“Admit what exactly?” I asked rising an eyebrow, the acids in my stomach threatening to open a fucking hole through.
He hesitated before answering. “That I need you.”
I huffed in frustration cause I knew that wasn’t what he was going to say. “Bill, this isn’t--”
“Tate,” He interrupted me with a little stutter that for some reason was adorable again. “Please, just stay this time. Stay and tell me how to fix it.”
“I don’t know…” I sighed. “I guess part of fixing it is actually you figuring out how to. I can’t help you.” Said that I crossed my arms over my chest and gave a few steps back. “I gotta get back…” I turned around before he even had the chance to stop me or say anything really, but I had barely gone a few steps when he spoke again.
“I love you, Taylor.”
I stopped dead, frozen from head to toe, the lack of oxygen in my lungs making me dizzy. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t think, I couldn’t breathe. I just stood there feeling like it was having an outer body experience. Until William’s hands came to rest on my arms and he repeated.
“I love you. And that’s what I didn’t wanna admit. I didn’t wanna face the fact that I had fallen for you, especially when I had a pregnant girlfriend and you supposedly meant nothing.”
Somehow I swallowed the lump in my throat as his hands stroked my arms and his chin placed on one of my shoulders.
“I know I screwed up.” He continued, I assumed because I wasn’t saying anything. “But--” He sighed and turned me around. I was still in shock so I did nothing. “I wanna make it up to you… and I wanna make it work.” He spoke staring at me. Staring through me. “Please…” He lowered his voice and placed his forehead on mine.
“What do you want from me?” I managed to choke out.
“Come with me tonight.”
“Bill--”
“No pressure, no promises… just- come out with me tonight.”
“Where?”
“Anywhere!” He said with a little chuckle. “Dinner, a drink, the rooftop of your hotel… I don’t care… just come with me.”
His eyes were pleading for me to say yes and I was so dumbstruck but his previous words that I ended up saying, “Okay.”
His face lit up at hearing me and this huge smile appeared on him, his hands cupped my face and he kissed me so sweetly that succeeded on turning me into a fucking pile of goo. All my walls and all my defenses crumbled down and reduced to dust. I kissed him back, my arms automatically wrapping around his neck as the kiss deepened. Till I realized… we were on a venue.
“Bilvy…” I said, muffled in the kiss. “There’re fans around us…” And he pulled away breathing hard.
“I forgot.” He said with a smile.
“After the show. You know where I’m staying.”
“I know.” He gave a few steps backwards and then came to me again, kissing me once more before turning away to leave.
As I walked back to the merch post, I finally started thinking clear again. What could I get from this… date or whatever it was? Was he for real? Was he only lying to get me back? Could we actually make it work?
And the most important question. What am I going to do about Ryan?
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